by Matt Romantech on April 27, 2017

I almost finished on $2800 for the week which makes it my 2nd or 3rd best week.

On the week of the brexit I only made $2200, but of course I had may less margin then.

I am hoping a big week renews my position as a $2k+ a week guy, that is pressure I can build on. It looks like a lot of volatility next week too.

But more importantly is really I feel more experienced in hedging.

Is it because it’s become so quiet that you feel more confident putting down more money?

Or the situation in which I would be stretched, is ever further away because the GBP has moved so far from the edge, and our hedges against further aussie rises are fairly deep now.

EUR/USD vs AUD/NZD are the crosses most vulnerable to a massive risk aversion burn down which is the biggest move imaginable, everything else would still take months to play out and no matter how frustrating, our hedges would make it work.

in CAD/USD you see it dipping under .74, this means I start to trim out the hedge. now it’s 75k vs 100k I will keep it on 75k even as it rises to $125k, then basically by the time you reach where the AUD/CAD is, it’s $50k vs $140k.

Eventually down to the last percent, you must pretty much hold it at $50k until it breaks to a new high. Then you are really hurting. There is always a point where you will let it break through, try to ride the last $20k-$30k, and watching each percent eat another $1500. It’s not huge. We can assume that our ranges are already pretty wide, a 5% swing higher than the last high seems utterly unlikely – possible, but also a once-in-5-years event.

Well look at the EURAUD which stung me in the new year, I thought it had reversed, then it did go down almost another 3% and that will hurt and it will cost me $4k should it happen with one of my main pairs. You just have to eat it. You just have to build up that $50k wall back up to the first percent drop from the high. Just remember if you have to go to $60k or $70k and it is the high, well then that’s the high, if you never see that high again, one day that $70k lurking there for years will be nothing. All those pound longs I have way up the top that are $100 positions with $30 gone, they are nothing. What’s $30 in a sea of $84k? What will the $70k look like when instead of $4m in positions, it’s $40m, except it will never be $40m – at least not in the foreseeable future, because I don’t seem myself needing more than $25m real money to trade with in the next 5 years, that’s a $50k margin. that’s $300p/day in interest, but as I say, measured against this weeks performance, it’s $17k.

The point is, you are finally no longer ramping at all, you are often winding down on purpose to release the equity.

The key is to keep the hedge tight. Having a tight hedge is why even though I have a bigger margin that ever, it only even moves about a range of $2k each week, compare that to the time before I blew up, where busy days would easily roll $3k and that is with about 40% of the margin I have now.

Unlike 18 months ago, I think we understand how to stop something getting away. at the moment AUDCAD is the only candidate for that.

The whole reason we are focusing on pairs like AUDCAD, AUDNZD, and allowed EURCHF to enter the scene and the unlikely pair of EURCAD is because these pairs have smaller all over ranges and are not so effected by risk aversion, so they just don’t tend to swing like crazy and put me in a nerve wracking scenario where a pair has moved 5-10% in

The markets are so without trend right now. When I first started trading, everyone was picking all these moves, these days, you just don’t get that, it just warbles about in the ranges, the facts are if I had come armed with this strategy in january, I would be doing well. I am hoping – I believe – if there is no crash this year then

My fear is I won’t realise risk aversion is taking place until it’s too late, much like what happened with the pound this week. 3% swing, by the time the move was complete, we were merely back on an even hedge. If real risk aversion takes place and you’ve got 1-2% drops day after day,

well the yen will lose me $10k. The turkish likely another $5k at least. Now your AUD and NZD crosses hav all reversed, and they are going to cost $5k each too.

This is all discomforting, but it is survivable. Losing $25k would hurt like hell, but it would not put me out of the game or even make my trading miserable and stressful, it seems there is a time to jump out of your trades if you can, it depends on saying, well, if it drops through the floor another 5%, I can handle it. If it drops through the floor 10% I can add liquidity to my account from the bank. If it drops beyond that then we’re talking about 25% ranges which are like 5-10 year ranges. I will hedge and pray and sort it all out afterwards.

I think of the night I blew my account up. There was a $70k difference in the EUR/USD, the move that killed me was a sudden move from under 1.15 to over 1.16 when the US markets opened in a panic.

These days to imagine being killed by a 1.5c move seems ridiculous, if I was in danger, I should have hedged. EURUSD then was $160k vs $230k – even today I am much more advanced with greater equity and capital, and only on $87k vs $102k not even half of the money down.

The reality is that once you get yourself into trouble, then it is hard to place safe bets. It is so important to realise that while I am in the middle, I need to prepared as I journey to the edge.

What has happened with CADNZD is annoying, but it’s not in the scope of a disaster. I put in the big $23k position because I had to keep the integrity of the hedge. We had 6% range covered by just $2k.

If the CAD kept rising, I had to cover the fact that the other side was bigger but had so much further to fall. That meant I still kept the canadian side slightly lower, but even to meet that I had to put in the $23k position. Now it’s gone back 3%. The one position has cost me $700, the hedge has now totally reversed, I got $52k on the CAD side and $22k on the NZD side.

But that is how it is meant to be. If the CAD kept rolling, I would have kept grabbing big numbers even though my account was dropping, but it didn’t, it rolled back, which was also fine – neither outcome was the big win. That is how hedging works.

Most people base their trading around big winners that easily cope with normal 50/50 win/loss because the wins are bigger than the losses. Big hedging isn’t like that. You always make your money but the process has to be massaged through.

with the CADNZD I am now back in the middle, yes I only have half the NZD but the NZD is 3.4% off the high whereas the CAD was 6% + and you can see the full range for this pair is a little over 12% – still pretty small, given the 10 year range was 36.6% – one that turned out to be a little on the high side for me.

What’s going to happen is the NZD will start to sink again, and that’s where somewhere in the middle of the two new highs, they meet. The longer these pairs become stuck in a new range within that range, they are building up new, bigger positions. there are no longer little fall back positions.

Soon slowly – though this couldn’t happen in the short-to-mid term – it’s all $20k positions. But before that happens you realise you don’t need to do this, if they are all $20k positions and you’re doing 100 x $50 trades a day and making $5k, well it’s gone to far for now, you’re gonna fry.

You don’t have to go that far to really start cooking it up,

It’s making me think it’s less what the market is doing, but where you are in the range. When you are the middle and ranges dominate like where I am now – you can bang it up bad boy.

When you’re on the edge, you simply have to wait for the game to play out. You’re out of ammo, you just have to wait up in the hills to see if they’re coming to get you.

If you made plenty of $50 trades going back and forth, then the day it busts through and starts riding, won’t be so bad. Your account will drop, but big positions will get torn through and replaced. If you can arrive at the edge having only lost a few grand you are ready to take the punishment of the break. That’s when the grands start bleeding. Your only chance

So it is with USDCAD. I must hold the position of around $70k all the way down, there is $38k waiting bash through, and I must hold that position for then next percent or two.

You will never make up the loss in one sweep. The hope is that inevitably two way traffic will make up the losses when the ranges appear again.

The basic concept is this, and it’s one that is so dangerous in the hands of a young bad boy ready to take risks.

You blow the thing right up on the back of the hedge, hedged so tightly that it sways so gently. Only when it is finally cranking a grand a day, do I look to unwind. Remember when you unwind, you always run the risk of seeing eat your equity, but, again, the result is long term.

You’re no longer so concerned to put that smaller position down, because you’re making your money, you’re not squeezing out the last drop.

AUDNZD seems perfect to funnel money into because it’s kind of in a world of it’s own, it seems like the perfect place to practice.

Can you imagine just AUDNZD put up to $500k, so that – well basically, no set level, just always hedged.

Always hedged.

As the AUD goes up it stays on $64k. But the other side is always rising, so they both have to rise. When it reverses, the same begins again. It is always going up. It is always eating all of it’s profits. Only swinging events I miss create opportunities to return some of the equity. It is vitally important to beef up the profit stops – I was thinking of even doing away with them altogether but what is the risk comparison?

There’s a break out, you take profit, but lose equity on the other side of the overshoot.

There’s a break out, but it reverses, you get some money but not as much as you might have, then you re-establish your hedges, so you really do never lose money.

It seems like if we really want to do the experiment, we have to continue to stretch out the trigger distance so we have less chance of being caught by a big move because the deep triggers hold.

What I see is that pairs like AUDNZD and AUDCAD, plus our little helpers CADEUR and EURCHF are designed to be the workhorses that haul in the big capital additions without offering much profit or equity.

It’s pairs like EURGBP, EURUSD, all the risky orientated pairs – japan, swiss, and aud and nzd, they are done the other way, much smaller numbers, but always expressing profit or loss.

Turkish fits this of course as well, not least because most of the damage has been done, but turkish is special because it also generates good returns that we need.

I guess there’s the risk vs carry pairs, but then there’s the trend pairs.

EURUSD, EURGBP, USDCAD, USDGBP – these pair are traded with the traditional hedging technique which allows some profit to be drawn of as the pair swings – whenever the pair reverses, the loss begins to unravel the loss and restore profits.

None of the exposure is where the risk is.

You have to be strategic. When there’s event risk, you switch the triggers off so they can ride. When you doing dreary days, you can dig in to the short ranges, you can put $100k down to try and grab 20 pips just like a real life scalper.

But if theyre always equal every time they move, every profit is matched with an equal loss.

$100k vs $100k – tp $1k, loss $1k
2 x $100k vs $200k – tp $2k, loss $2k
3 x $100k vs $300k – tp $3k, loss $3k – total loss $6k, profit $6k

-3 vs -3
tp $1k,
2 x 100k + $200k vs $3k + 1k

-2 vs -4
$500 vs $500k – tp $2k

total loss $9k, profit is $9k

$500 vs $500k – tp $5k, loss $5k

Right back where we started. we now have $6k vs $3k + $1k + $1k + $1k

loss goes down $5k but goes up $6k plus you get your $1k, no change.

$6k + 1k vs $3k + 1k + 1k/2k

think about it – it could go 2 ways

– 6k loss + 1k profit vs – 7k loss

– 7k loss + 3k profit – 4k loss

$6k + 1k + 1k vs $4k vs $4k

– 7k loss + 1k profit vs 8k loss


8k loss vs 4k profit and 4k loss

It is still pretty confusing how the money gets made.

I think there is only one way. No take profit triggers, so that when a big move gets made, you enjoy all the profit without scaling up your loss, but then after the move, you simply hedge again, which your initial profit was met by an equal loss, and your subsequent profit will also be met with an equal loss. You will never realise that profit.

The whole reason for stops is the hope that the immediate reversal will come.

But it keeps jacking up. Every move grows the kitty.

It seems obvious that you just can’t book a profit unless you let the loss draw off. At some point you have to pick the high, you have to start weighting it for the pull back which always exposes you to the break out.

But this is why you trade AUDNZD and EURCHF because the ranges are limited. Look at EURCHF, your combined debt is $32 after 2 months. have you made at least a dollar a day? of course, on many days I’ve made several dollars. $80 would be a fair estimate. now add 2 zero’s.

$3200 debt. $8000 profit. Here’s the thing. $500k positions on each side. Spread over a range that is currently about 1.5%.

That is an eye opener. Money, sure. But look at how deep you need to go in.

I got $100k positions. oh, $28 isn’t enough profit, maybe I’ll take $70 a bit later. Maybe sometime you get lucky, here’s $70 and $150.

Okay that’s hardcore and talks about margins that are $10k and I just can’t do that, not this year, and likely not the next. But this could be what we’re talking about.

You talk about 10x or now, 5x the whole operation. But it’s likely that carry vs funding pairs can be left alone altogether in order to develop massive action in AUDNZD and EURCHF.

AUDCAD and EURGBP can also be developed so that I get some diversity. It’s also about the season, when the volatility picks up again, you swap from range pairs to trend pairs.

Trend is not your friend. Trend means one way action, not so hot. It means more volatility, but the problem is you’ve got rangebusting one way action, and there’s no chance to release the pressure building up on one side, like you see happening with USDCAD. I have to go 75k vs $100k because even if it is at resistance, I need to be ready to eat the loss of equity but book that profit value if that $38k group of positions busts open.

What this means is if trends form, we have to have that big riding position, $100k+ with no stop. It may ride up and fall back, you have to call the trend and then take the hit if you’re wrong. It all comes back to this concept that was present in the beginning. You take the hit if you’re wrong, knowing it’s a slow journey back.

Much like the flash crash, caught me holding very little pounds, it was a slow journey back until the election which reversed it all.

When you’re playing with more money you can employ longer term tactics because a mistake is not going to cost you dearly.

What it comes down to is that we don’t know how long the low volatility will last and it could last a year.

But what am I saying is that it’s just a handful of pairs that will initially start to get seriously hedged up beyond $300k.

Things will get skewed because stuff like AUDUSD and the sort of carry vs funding pairs like particularly EURAUD will be stopped stone cold. When the risk move happens, a standard hedging move will engage. My account value will only feel the effects of the yen and turkish getting hit, which again, I won’t be fooling with. Turkish investment will always relate directly to account value. I can’t justify the risk if I’m over exposed.

Yen and turkish will develop at the same plodding pace, so that when I am hit by a major market correction and take the $15k hit, it simply doesn’t register elsewhere.

I can switch to favouring the EURCAD and various euro pairs simply to ride the trend. It doesn’t have to be dramatic because I can handle the hit to my $130k worth of japanese and $110k worth of turkish (TRYJPY counted twice there but it will take a big hit) which I don’t think will be more than $20k. I can handle it.

Remember there is $100k against the swiss too, that will also hurt. But what you have to remember is that the yen has already risen, it would require a major melt down to rise 10%.

Looking at AUDJPY it did indeed drop 10%+ in the last big risk move where I got killed, august 2015.

From about 90 down to about 80. But looking at the GFC, it fell in the initial move july to september 2008 about 105 to 85. then the next move was brutal, 85 to under 60 over october.

Again, that late part of the year is a danger.

The euro only rose about 10% or so vs the AUD in the whole move. But it wasn’t so much of a funding currency then. What is crazy of course is the aud would rise almost steadily for 4 years afterwards. Once you survive the damage, you get on the other side of the deal and begin to build again.

At some point in 2009 I would have recognised the trend and quit fighting it. This is what we need to do now – we need to see the next trend arrive and I believe the pound and euro will start to rise again after spending their time in the dogbox. 2 years of a low euro with no parity. The parity party is looking like it is over.

We need to be ready for the euro move when it comes. But it could be risk driven. a 5% hit to the market could leave it in a malaise for months with EURUSD hanging around 1.13 for months again.

risk could also hit my commodities. but that is the beauty of commodities, I just simply don’t have more than $50k utter maximum. That could be another $10k. Ouch. I will need to make some big hedges in gold. A $20k position in gold that reverses and drops 5% is fine if it helps to soften those blows.

Here comes the point again. Look at the commodities and how they build quick profits despite the risk of the price tanking.

Terrible for hedging because of the massive ranges and huge trend moves. Carry vs funding pairs also terrible for hedging you can’t win the carry game with your broker unless you play the turkish game so forget it.

You must superhedge with the range pairs only. With the trend pairs you allow them to sweep back and forth slowing building, waiting for the grander trend to appear. Waiting for conviction. Instead of trend pairs, maybe call them conviction pairs, or trend conviction pairs.

EURGBP and EURUSD I will still work because I understand their influences, I feel I have managed well there and I am not vulnerable, but USDCAD and USDGBP outside of my current standard hedging practices, I will be looking for the trend. And that’s reflected. The weighting reflects my belief they will both turn back into their ranges, but I can still profit if I’m wrong.

There are only 4 pairs which I will superhedge. They don’t produce much profit at all. It’s all just indebted capital.

It is the yen and swiss and turkish and commodities that produce all the profit. Not much because unlike my range pairs the exposure is always limited

Risk vs carry pairs will not use extreme hedging. It is this small collection of profit sources that allow me the wiggle room to let the big superhedges unwind the loss of their massive capital acquisitions.

It is only by moving too quickly on risk longs and commodities that I run the risk of the big aversion move hitting me 10-20% and clearing me out more than $30k a sending me straight to the danger zone.

What I’m saying is that I can go a little bit crazy on the range pairs because the risk is so isolated.

I get to ramp the game up without exposing myself to the fear that a risk move could fuck me up. Even in the GFC the AUDCAD moved 22% over a few months. AUDNZD it was 15% but it almost bounced back completely but get this. It was aud that lost against the nzd.

The CADNZD acted extremely weirdly and only kicked off properly weeks and months after the others had done their thing. It indicates good back and forth action. The trendline was strong, but the volatility meant massive valleys for every higher peak – very clear trend lines.

You have to watch for those trendlines, break out to a new high one week, retrace below the previous high, break out to a new high the next week.

The trendlines are weak in the market but still suggest canada rising against nzd which is rising against aud. But aud does look to be rising against CAD and threatening to break to a new level.

We accept we are in a range phase for now, although a trend or risk phase could arrive abruptly

What do we do?

We weight almost all euro pairs. EURCAD, EURUSD, EURGBP – as long as europe wasn’t the source of the crisis of course. This means just putting an extra $10-20k on the euro side to boost gains and offset losses.

Pairs like AUDCAD and CADNZD and EURAUD will all show me favour anyway as will USDNZD the secret is not to weight it to much on the side that’s falling. But look at EURAUD – it’s a 14% range and we are around 2.5% from the high in the aud – it could fall 10% and not hit the bottom. In fact it’s only 6% from the september high. That’s the point we’d have to decide whether we were in a trend or risk market and to continue to put down big positions.

USDCAD and USDAUD would also both have to be weighted although it to would see unwinding debt from USDAUD.

The main issue is offsetting the japanese/swiss/turkish move. It will hit hard and a few moves on the other side will only give me a few grand back.

It would likely be a $50k+ position in gold. If we can just make a few grands to prevent the hit from being any harder than about $20k, sending me down to about $40k or less. I think we can take it.

It’s much like brexit, if we can survive the fall, we will be fine. Subsequent falls will sting but we will have consolidated and no matter how much equity has been chomped, build again.

Are you just trying to convince yourself? Yes.

But I just see that if I can push a bit harder to finally reach $3k we would find it’s not so much pressure. Volatility picks up and there’s a small risk move but it’s all in the mix.

What is the alternative outcome? The euro starts to come apart. I just can’t see a serious risk on move. If nothing in the next few months triggers a correction, it will just range and dwell like it has – I have already seen a possibility this could go on into next year, that is why I am pushing to hedge up – we have to use the conditions now, so that even though I am not generating much profit, I can at least get those earnings up. I can experiment with what it’s like to have to take the hedging seriously.

I feel I need to push myself. If there’s trouble I think I will learn, and it will make me better, even if that does mean taking a $20k hit.

Jumping the margin to $10k and then $12k could lead to such thrills and spills, but if they’re worked out in a couple of months where I am cranking $4-5k a week, we’ll get there.

We are in the zone, we just need to carry it off.

Now I just seem to be talking about it endlessly. It’s time to go in. It time to accept we may hit $40k again and have to put the brakes on.


-AUDNZD – 27.1%
-EUR/CHF – 28.8
-EURCAD – 29.4%
-AUDCAD – 30.0%

-EUR/GBP – 31.7%

-EURUSD – 35
-USDCAD – 37.2%
-USDGBP – 43.1

-CADGBP – 34.4
-NZDCAD – 36.6
-AUDUSD – 45.3


-AUDGBP – 37.5
-GBPNZD – 43
-USDNZD – 43.3

-EURAUD – 44.8
-EURNZD – 45.2


Hunt for the wilderpeople has made me a little bit melancholy, especially the shots of grey lynn in the end.

It’s not really the film that makes me feel stink, it’s that feeling that I wish I could be involved in something awesome.

I wish I could feel that feeling that what I was doing was important enough to be worth doing

I think of all the bullshit I’ve ended up involved with, thinking we could do something cool, but it was mainly always dilettantes with no real stake, just playing at it.

It always circles back round to this idea that I trade because the money is the only thing that can create opportunities for me now.

But it was certainly truth that the vibe is always there. You just connect to it.

I will be 60 and I can lay down a beat and jump in my ride and go pick up a young girl who needs the money and take a drive in my flash car with all my drugs. run through the trees and along the beach.


I am happier today, I am eating cakes and bread and cheese and working on trading plans, you can see above.

I believe if I ramp up my “range pairs” while holding back all risk sensitive pairs, I can boost my trading without risking the big risk move smashing me.

Range, trend, risk. There are different trading styles for different phases.

Right now we are in a range phase so it is the range pairs I am working. Trend pairs are hedged up also to ride the tight ranges.

When it turns to a trend phase, we focus on leaning on the trend pairs. We also lean on our range pairs in accordance with the trend and what our exposure can allow for.

Finally of course if it goes into a risk phase, we drop risk pair action to a fraction, or simply weight the risk off candidate in any pair.

We won’t grow our yen, swiss, lira exposure. So if the shit goes down, we won’t really be in any greater risk.

Having gone on and on about trading all weekend and done little else but eat cakes, I take another step back that’s what it’s all been about.

There’s the revenge plotline. The soros crimewave plotline. These relate to the idea that I get rich in the end.

Now I simply wait.

I’m not angry about the house. If the trading was working I would have nothing to get mad about.

If I had the house and could plan my trip to europe I would have something to distract me.

If my trading was working I could start spending money.

There is much I have yet to grasp about how it will be. I am already imagining with money and clout I can get insane things done.

I don’t really feel like I need to build some secret army or any huge empire, it’s too much of a dream, it’s grasping for too much. It require networks of trust that are near impossible to build.

After I’ve played every fantasy of a pimp daddy, muso, director whatever, then what will it be?

What do I want? To not have to do discs, to b able to make a plan for how I want to live, not doing discs, not paying rent, jumping on a plane.

I don’t have to do revenge. I don’t see boning lots of teenage girls as something you’ll really feel fulfilled by.

I think getting high and having lots of girls and playing computer games, that life is good, but there’s more for someone who is a master and champion and a general and a competitor. That’s what I am. Some people are just ambitious.

That’s what I am, I am in pain to be held back from striving forward. I want a jaw dropping honey with something crazy and unique going on that makes her cute as hell and a total russian trooper, and we can have our little family and I won’t really feel the need to bone many teens because I had already faced the darkened hallway, the darkened doors.

I can still have my austin martin and cruise around looking brooding and writing gazestepwave tunes. We’re just writing “summer madness” over and over again.

I know with what’s happened with RC that it’s all ready to go it’s ready to happen but I need the trading to slot in and the house, I need it to happen.

I should be getting prepared but I can’t – I’m so used to feeling disappointed that I’m sick of dreaming and hoping it feels like a pointless exercise.

I can repeat exercises I’ve already done about who’d I’d hire and what I’d pay for but it’s all those hopes that seem to catch fire all so easily and I’m so tired of it.

Dreams burn down.

This gutwrenching bullshit just makes me more determined to win. To win and do what?

To stand there in my apartment and know I won? Yes, I guess.

I should be getting prepared but it seems so pointless, I am reaching to see something more, it goes beyond simply some supervillain shit, some petty power trip or sex fantasy.

I know that there is no point trying to help people it means nothing, most people are complete assholes, how can you attack not the assholes but the thing that made them assholes?

It is pure elitism. I just think I’m better than them. That’s what it is, I think I’m better, I can’t accept that I’m not. I think most of these people are utter trash, I’ve seen them, I see their ways. I see they are dumb as all shit.

Who am I to believe I should exert such power?

You are not respecting the tiger’s penis. You are not willing to place your hand into the fire.

You must ride into battle, and to ride is to risk, you are in pain because you are not in the fight. You are held prisoner.

But your strategies are sharper than ever. It’s not the girls and the drugs and the travel and the feeling of power, it’s not about that. It’s about the fight. You want to go to bed? Well sure, but maybe you shouldve made it matter more to stay up for the french election, to jump on the rollercoaster and ride.

WHen I reflect on the property market and that I can always lurk on my farm no matter how bad it gets, that’s when I feel lucky. Things happen to people, we don’t all get to be heroes, and that’s why people are such assholes – they know it’s so much easier to walk away with a score.

I think I am still having trouble processing the truth that so many people are absolutely untrustworthy.

They don’t deserve saving. It makes me excited to be able to afford me first 3 agents. The idea of the witches excited me. We need more ideas that are similar that lure the types of people we want to attract. Intelligent misfits. All kinds of orgnaisational fronts.

Witches. Models. Spies. Eco warriors. Party People. Sugar babes.

With each agent I tell them the aim. Sign people up. Get them working to sign more people up. Each agent doesn’t know about the other, they are all trying to build soros style organisations of a bunch of people being paid not much to become a cell that can later be activated for certain tasks.

Initially, you’re just building the brand and the affiliates.

Remember we thought we’d even do a right wing group. We need to meet with agents to talk to them about how they’re going to build their organisation.

You see now I am not just getting a worker in exchange for rent, I am getting a fanatic who recruits more fanatics. fanatics who sell juice to pay their rent. The secret is each operation is separate so it can’t be contaminated by a bad egg.



by Matt Romantech on April 23, 2017

Now I feel like a moron for staying up last night planning my criminal empire, because here I am in the morning feeling so utterly crushed again by life, feeling like the victim.

But isn’t just like paul, one day it will be over, and it all just melts away?

That will never change how I’ve been made to feel, life has told me it doesn’t want me. It doesn’t want to allow me to succeed.

The things that keep happening to me. I’ll succeed with my trading one day, but it will be too late, I will never have had the chance to have real relationships with people I respect I just have so little respect for the people I know, they don’t struggle, they don’t seem to want to build anything.

To me they are merely the people I have at arm’s reach who I can begin to use, using the advantage that they have no idea of how bitter and twisted I have become and that I simply want to fight back against life and raise hell

The issue is when you invite the criminal element into your life – live by the sword, die by the sword. Do I really want to live with body guards and shit?

These are the struggles of being a man. I feel like a whining child often, but the reality is that I am fighting. I am angry because what I see is not good enough for me.

I am not arrogant, I am always trying, I am always trying to do what I believe is what I should do. You have to create the content.

I’m trying to do RCTV because it is meaningful. It is meaningful to me. We must tell our tales.

Isn’t that what RC is all about? He is demanding fame and women and money, but he’s not going about it in at all the right way.

He can never go about it the right way, he is a little weirdo. Is it any wonder that such people exist, it’s the only way they can, and so it is with me in real life.

I have no choice but to tread this path. Now that I know, I am becoming less interested in friendship, and to me it’s like the flies that land on my face. I don’t want flies to land on my face, but they do.

It’s like the characters in game of thrones. They are punished through the most intense ordeals, only to have their fortunes completely change.

It would be good to do a story about revenge, I have these feelings, I can explore them. Again it’s the gift of the trading. Because I can now see myself as fabulously rich, I can let my mind wander to all these possibilities, and the emotions fill me, and I know there’s a journey there.

Oh I’ve gone moby dick, basically. I’m obsessed with the hunt and ready to die for it. Find what you hate and let it kill you.

Well not so fast.

Is it about the whale or is it about something bigger or is it about the story about something bigger?

This thought apparently made me happy enough to go on twitter and get on with my discs, but I didn’t reveal fully how it occured to me that this would be a good story, even as I read moby dick while I’m in the process, and reflect on the idea of somebody purely driven and animated by their hate and urge to hunt.

But it’s not really like that. It’s detached, I can detach from my emotions, and consider the aspects, it interesting because I get to study myself with the tiger penis once again in the backdrop – the fact that I got rich is not a major component of the story but however it is a requisite, how could I pursue these people without resources.

The idea as I said is to release the material long after events have transpired, so if the events begin in 5 years time – around the time my other projects are done – it might not be for another 5 years after that AT LEAST until I can release the material which will likely incriminate me.

I guess I will have to leave out some details so that I can claim it is all a fantasy constructed from events that actually happened.

The book is not going to be specifically about paul and sean, it’s going to be about the ceaseless, fruitless hunt. Looking for these people, and looking for more people to blame.

It’s about that question, I feel as if I have no choice but to punish paul and sean. I would not be human, I would not be me, I would not feel the things that I feel, if I didn’t feel a demand for justice and a settling of scores.

It is not something I undertake out of joy, but out of duty to honour.

I can’t realise my dreams any more. But I can punish those who stole them away from me. It was never that I wasn’t good enough it was the pure shit and filth of the character of the people around me, was I foolish to believe in people?

Yes. But was it my fault? Should I bare the weight of others cruelty and harsh behaviour?

I don’t know, maybe I should. I don’t know, I try to see things from outside the situation.

I don’t want to live my life continually trying to catch up to something that didn’t happen.

Do you want to go on whining and moaning? Or do you just want to get on with your trading, because that’s the only exit? Do you just want to be real and accept that you chose this, everything you chose, and you wouldn’t have chosen otherwise. If you had the choice to just be discovering trading today, then you wouldn’t take that offer.

And if in a years time I am finally leaving for russia and I’m making $10k then it will all have been worth it. If at any time I am making $10k a week, even if it takes 5 years or more, I have no choice but to go in that direction.

I could just play some music and then I’d feel better, but you choose to wallow. I still managed to print 500 discs and fill in all my automated trades – I’ve gone from 157 to 275 and counting probably coming in just under 300 – we have added 50 since last week, and almost 150 for the day – I think that is similar to how many we did last week, and what I see is that we are on a journey to a space where we can go a whole day, the whole of monday without checking, once our numbers are nice and big, over $8k margin.

We need to pound that margin so that we can get into nice thick hedges, that give us enough money in one hit. That’s our mission, we can learn to get a few hours back each day


I am not quite so rotten. The trading is yet again dead.

I try not to get too worked up.

If I did have the place I would be missing out on my interest – I get the capital gain, but I get my interest as well, and I don’t have to pay the rates.


The UK has called a snap election and I have had far and away my best night all year $800.

I feel maybe just, a page can be turned.

I wake up in the morning and it’s jumped another $400, and I quickly go to collecting a whole lot more goodies including a $47 trade on NZDAUD.

Currently I’m pushing on $1700 for the week making it almost certain this will be my biggest week of the year, and a chance to break away from the rut we’ve been in and at least get to $2500.

But it was today I realised that over the months of the GFC, every day was as volatile as this. Every day. When volatility does pick up again, I will have to be focused on the plays I’m making.

Not until then will I likely trade $10k.


I lost some writing. I was trying to talk about some trading stuff but I was also talking about how . . . why am I miserable when I know more certainly than ever that I will make it in trading?

There are philosophical things.

I was talking about the list. Then it got deleted, the names all got deleted.

I began this post talking about the concept of revenge, and havnig watched that OJ simpson doco I look at the arc of a man’s life, his arc all made sense.

Will mine?

Ultimately that’s the point I had reached. My hated enemies are interchangeable they only represent bad qualities that everybody possesses, my enemies are merely my punching bag, as I was to them, the real fight is something bigger.

It’s not enough to make them suffer. I was beginning to talk about low intensity harassment. You do do it because you must. But you look beyond, what is the bigger purpose here?

I can’t stop. The OJ simpson doco kind of painted that out for me. If this is the way it is to be, you may as well not bother fighting it. I’m going to sit here angry and smelly until this fucking trading works. There is no doubt about that. It’s what happens afterwards. I am not getting wrapped up in stupid dreams I don’t know anything about that.

What I am focused on is getting even for the bullshit I’ve had to go through, somebody has to pay.

It could be an interesting content project, talking about my dedication to low intensity harassment, I’m only talking about 6 people, 2 of which I would leave alone after a little spell. 4 people. It wouldn’t cost me much at all. Finding them all would be the harder part. But that’s all part of the story. What would be awesome is if the darker aspects weren’t revealed until later.

So it’s all very tiger penis – you are only revealing the bare minimum of details. No names. As little incriminating evidence as possible. It’s only after it’s all over that you start uploading footage of re-enactments etc. – start walking the line.

describing and re-enacting assaults which you have filmed, so you can upload the real footage later when you do a retrospect after these guys are all dead. I could call it something like “utu” so it’s obvious what it’s about but for the first few years you can’t see the missing pieces or a picture on the box. It’s mainly about me looking for these guys, and making various observations. It would all be jig saw puzzle pieces with no box – that is you don’t understand how the pieces fit, that way it would be much like the rest of my channel where I just do certain recurring segments and certain segment recur more often or just cycle out of usage. Utu would be one of those segments.

Only years after do I start revealing more details.

It makes it an art project. It’s only interesting because I am rich and like telling stories.

If I don’t get rich there’s no story.

Stu and dom are at the very bottom tier, I’d deal with them myself. They never betrayed me. They just tried to intimidate a little guy because they could which makes me know theyre cowards.

It makes me know a couple of good punches would give them enough of a fright and give me the thrill of feeling dominant.

This is what makes it so interesting as a story is my moral reasoning and my search for peace through retribution, and exploring stuff like why am I so interested in revenge and not just relaxing and getting high and getting my dick sucked.

It relates to the other question about why I’m miserable when I know eventually I will crack it.

Won’t I feel so different when I’m cracking $1k every day?

Probably. I keep going over it, well what if they never sell it to me, and I never withdraw, basically it was all a scam to get my deposit, they made $30k . . . well more like $25k, there would have been marketing costs and such that put their bill at $13k+ . . . even writing out like that makes me feel like it’s a bit ridiculous to think they would honestly pull that.

Why? Maybe it is their plan to mess me around, because they needed that money immediately for some purpose. But yet again, it’s a trust. It’s likely that more than one person decides these things making it even less likely it’s a scam – because it would be a conspiracy between members of the trust colluding.

But what I’m saying is I’ll still have my money, I’ll still be entitled to purchase the property, but mean time, I’ll still win with my trading, I can go off and purchase another property knowing that when they give out, I won’t have the money, and will be forced to pay them off at 14% interest.

Very high, but if I was making $10k and could draw down $2k each week, well I’d pay it off. But I wouldn’t own it until I’d paid it off. At some point I would be able to borrow the money, or better yet, leverage the value of any other property I may have purchased.

The problem is I would not be able to possess the property, I have to pay it off fully. This is all only a problem in the window that would exist until my trading account could do the business.

On my tax bill I pay myself $80k, I pay the stupid tax, I borrow the money, now I only have to pay it off

Again, why would they invite me to move my stuff in if they planned to rip me off? It just seems so unlikely. What seems more likely is that they are fucking around because it’s a trust and the trustees don’t give a fuck, they can’t spend the money anyway.

But even more likely as I’ve said before. It was never going to be march, it was always going to be when it’s going to be.


Patterns of Motivations

April 21, 2017

Depression and anxiety is a bit like trading. A triple bottom or reverse head and shoulders could signal a break to the upside. It’s all maths. I am feeling so many waves of emotion that doing RCTV is may too ambitious, meeting and managing all these girls is going to do my head in, but […]

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Despair Doesn’t Help

April 17, 2017

I haven’t written anything because my trading has been improving, and yet I am still circling downwards, I know it will get worse and I am getting ready. But when it gets worse and I am in utter despair, there is knowledge there, I just went bang bang bang. Money is better than happiness. There’s […]

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Unknown Witches

April 15, 2017

Saturday post. I have spent most of the week – my worst week in trading in many months – working on RCTV, which is fine, I’m going to get it done eventually, even if it takes me a year. I am learning to do this video work even without many resources. This story is important […]

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My Struggle

April 10, 2017

Just struggling so much now. I don’t have to feel this way and so I often don’t, it’s simply that there is no escape. The house, and the trading. The situations I am facing, never improve. Never get much worse, they just never improve. And now I’m back in damage control, what choices can I […]

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April 9, 2017

I needed to start another post and I am doing my weekend research for my trading. This is not actually the least volatile patch I’ve been through, and looking over the last 2 years, This has been the smallest 2 year range, as in, the most consolidation, going back to y2k. You have got to […]

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April 9, 2017

I was up again going on about my meta narrative – yknow it used to make me feel pretty self conscious to think I was up all night thinking about this fantastic story. But I went and smashed out the footage for noob eats. I was feeling good for about 10 seconds when suddenly I […]

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Filming Stuff

April 6, 2017

I have not got on with my filming – not because it’s rainy but because I see it now as something I need to tap at each day just like my training. I know the shots I need to get, I just want to do a little each day. I want to get into this […]

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Video Shots VIP

April 3, 2017

Today I wanted to get clothes shots, car shots, training shots and computer shots. I got as far as the clothes shots. 5 different shots with up to 6 different looks in each shot, it took me a couple of hours. It put me in the head space that again it is mad how much […]

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