Romantech

ROMANTECH BLOG HAS RETURNED!!!

FINALLY AFTER MONTHS THE BLOG HAS BEEN RESTORED AND WE CAN RETURN TO THE PATH WE WERE ON!!!

***

Things are moving along, I need to hit another round with the IRD, but the concrete mix is coming and the barn art project is underway.

The web stuff, I need to front up to, but it has to happen, it’s all part of this big old clean up. It’s a crazy process to feel like this thing is actually happening now, you know the emotions flow – it feels unmanageable, and the moment it starts to feel manageable, soon an emptiness follows . . . well what now?

This is why you don’t get too carried away, and start biffing out shit left and right. You’ve got 6 months.

We manage physical stuff, we manage digital stuff, we have less stuff, we care less, we manage more.

I’m almost excited by the pressure building, I MUST do my websites, as I soon will run out of places to turn.

***

Once over the digital archive again. I want the final kurb master archive, the final music projects archive, then the final docs and images archives. Like I keep saying the final docs and images is related to the final destination online, the 27, the websites, these threads coming together.

Fixing the romantech sites and flushing out some sites we are done with are really the only priority things to nip, the soul science site we will get to. The superfarm site is tied up with the trying to get some rent so it is inevitable we will have to start hitting it.

websites – romantech, biztrim, superfarm, ss
barn art
digital archive
IRD
photos/6acwave

Procrastination is kicking in hard. The trading going well isn’t helping.

But there is so much to deal with when we take on the whole idea of “websites”.

Well it took me most of the night because I was dicking around on tinder, but the romantech news site has been restored – framework and posts at least, the process worked, and so, we will repeat the process with this blog.

The trading is still forging forward, making it hard to get worked up, it is clearly showing signs it works, it is higher than at any point since the reset, the biggest gaps I see are about $6k.

a 1% move says, $60. The entire CAD move is now a $15k gap, $150 on a 1% move. It’s nothing.

I am on about $210 for the week, threatening to go to $240, i believe this is what is possible if we ramped, then to allow $90pw for losses, we would be on $150. I think another key strategy is when it goes on the move like the canadian did, drop down to those $800 minimum positions, then when gets back into a range as it’s doing now, then, return to what will be likely $2k positions. What is so wild to me is that the margin is still dropping.

Wow, another push. Incredible, this is winning, but it’s not sustainable I think.

Once I redo this romantech site, we are not actually under much pressure to dress it up nice, in fact this romantech site does not require it at all, and why would I? It’s not even meant to be read by anyone but me, it’s my open therapy session that for some insane reason, I publish to the world.

It is for the best if I choose not to really dress it up in any manner at all, and it seems I am better to publish up these posts now so I can get on with the task.

The next on the list was the streamlining process, which I have also already begun, and so the thing starts to snowball and also possibly spitball into this one big thing.

It looks like I am honestly done with the idea of ever doing girly sites, of ever doing freelancer sites.

What is the vision?

Getting rent for the farm.

This is the part where I basically just have to write out the whole plan again so I can see for myself that there is no need to hang on to a bunch of old sites because I don’t think I am going to be doing any work in future with matchmaking, modelling, or building up some kind of freelance gig.

This is why you need to write things out again, because you need to see a direct connection, between your actual strategy and your web strategy.

The main strategy is to get Darya, sell up the farm just as my dad gets his super, then help Darya start a business in Minsk, buy an apartment close by to that business, and buy a rental in whakatane.

There should still be at least $150k and as much as $200k in hard cash to start a summer business in whakatane which would likely be no brainer. None of this plan requires that we hang on to any website that doesn’t fit this plan.

This could easily see me go down to just:

kurb, romantech, mmm, NGH, soul science, 6acwave, auckland painting

NYL, pirates, cddvd I would probably hold for another year, there would be a clutch I think are worth selling.

Yes it might be sad to think that we gave up all those sites we worked on, paid for, never went anywhere, but it’s a simpler life we want, and to wrest control from the concept of sunk cost, it is so powerful.

I guess this is growing up. We know with NGH how easy it is to launch a new thing. It’s a few days work, but we know the drill, if you really think something is on, then pull the trigger. Do it. You know ads matter. So do it, as in don’t just buy the domain thinking everything is going to happen.

Of course there might be no Darya, no girl, and so therefore, no sale, no moving on, but I don’t see that changes the equation. The old plan doesn’t differ in these areas either, the old plan still falls under the view that we’re not going to be enterprising in the area of matchmaking or freelance promo stuff in a way that is different from what I described.

So you can draw a little line, that I had enough money and I believed that it was not a significant cost relative to my funds and projected trajectory to give up the opportunity, when I believed matchmaking and freelancing were still part of what I wanted to do, part of this empire other people were going to build for me.

Now I choose to say that I do what I do to look after me, and that the opportunity to do crazy internet marketing business has passed, as my aims now – after 18 months of being shook down and what I’ve learnt and seen, have changed. What I’m doing now doesn’t align with this and it’s just too much to stretch to try and leverage some value out of this.

So the hard truth is as it seems, your stupid little ideas, don’t matter for much. So many ideas are stupid and pointless, so few actually hold value, other than of course to be the steps, the foundation building up to another idea, and in that measure of course they have value, and so again and again, it is much about thinking and only acting when the idea has formed some clarity.

You needn’t be so harsh, it is better you learn eventually, than never learn at all and it seems in these years we had some lessons to learn, about trading, about europe, about country life, about slavic girls, and we learned so so very much, it often overwhelmed me, and I cannot be too hard on myself for that.

So the romantech blogs are fixed. The rebuild comes under the whole rebuild of the romantech site, which incorporates the whole thrust of the archiving concept, the 27. The sites have been re-evaluated and nearly everyone will eventually be killed off as we slowly streamline.

The websites are never quite finished. The archiving is never quite finished. It is all an attempt to align with out goals.

Right now the goals are all about collecting rent for superfarm. What is the ideal situation you’re after?

2 people who come to rent the house, in my room and the office, for $100 each, given a business boost through growing weed, and other organic activities as well as food and such, and I am getting $50 from my dad.

Seems like a stretch. Two people paying $80-90. 1 room is left empty during winter so my dad can use it . . . well it just seems stupid to try and say that it’s going to be this way or that.

But I want 2 people plus my dad, and be getting $200. So may as well tidy up that room and get ready to roll. Then I can’t grow weed properly.

So I can’t really even seriously think about getting someone until the weed thing plays out. I could easily grow a pound and a half, make $7k, in april, get some dude paying $80 and he and my dad get me $2k.

$6k
$6k
$9k
$2k

The magic about that is I wouldn’t really have to work or live with anyone I didn’t want to. Awesome, and when I got back there would only be one person here, and hopefully, they wouldn’t be a drag, and I would grow some more weed, and I wouldn’t get another person until I left.

It also gives me the ability to start swinging someone round toward the barn, if we only wanted $80, why not put that guy in the barn in summer, or put my dad in the barn, and that guy in the office!

I am just trying to work things out, if the weed really fires, I don’t want anyone here fucking with that until after march.

So if I got my guy in march, meaning I could do $3k, why would I need any of this superfarm stuff?

Why wouldn’t I switch to airbnb? Focus on the question. You grow 24 oz, ready to make $7k, then you get your one guy in april and you make $3k, why would you push the superfarm stuff at all other than laying down a bed?

Okay put it this way, if you knew you were going to hit $23k, what would you do?

Training, trading, and tunes. I would attempt to tidy up all the bullshit, all bills and rates and all kinds of crap, I’m sure there would be plenty to do. I would continue with all the sites and archiving stuff.

I would likely run this intro to superfarm video, but again, there’s not really much pressure, I wouldn’t start to look for someone until february, over 4 months away, and I’d have 3 months then, to find them, before I left.

So you’ve got 4 months to set up for this shit. You’ve got 4 months to slug away at this pivot motion. You have to keep chipping away like this and it’s going to be a total drag. Maybe with some fitness and meditation, it will allow you to get more focused.

– fix our old websites
– launch superfarm
– re-evaluate all web properties
– revisit soul science website

Well I did get up and get to it, it was a bad news, good news situation.

IRD are still at me, but the builders mix seems manageable. IRD will be managed. Who is the other scary boogie man to face up to, the goblins?

The website stuff can be worked through, and waiting for things to happen, that will be the case. But where is the scary stuff?

Probably the dole and the weed, and the renters, of course, but the others are manageable and the renters, I can worry about that in a month or two. There are bad guys coming so I need to focus. The idea is to get up every day and start going at it, goblin hunting. Rates will be there waiting.

***

I am just reading on mike’s site about taking action to maximise your strengths and mitigate your weakness.

Make good plans, stop dreaming up empires and take it easy. Slow your roll.

I feel like I’ve finally learnt to stop reaching so far. You get so excited and you get carried away.

Then it feels like a sensible plan that will work is to modest to even inspire you.

Another of my skills is that I can tough out a shitty situation, I don’t need much.

***

I feel it is becoming more clear I will sell in time. It should be a humbling experience from which to grow.

Short term, where I must remain focused, I move to the websites, and now I have some paste, to pasting my stuff.

It begins, what’s it all about, I stood in the barn, reflecting that all these little bits of paper reflect back at me the moments of my life and I couldn’t make sense of it all.

I guess the tone is all like – what is life, what is art, what is the purpose in the things that we do and how do we ever make sense of the lives we have lived?

The idea is to film footage and do the voice over later.

I did a degree in communications, mass communications, marketing, I knew I had skills, I knew I was good at getting good marks in school but you know I never ever knew what I was actually good at, I didn’t even have a clue what kind of job I was going to end up doing. I wanted to be a DJ, I wanted to be cool, I wanted people to like me, I wanted to be a club promoter I wanted to be into having parties and so I was doing posters, and next it was a business and for years I would be walking the streets at night . . .

Then you get the tones with the other kurb stuff, but it’s about walking the streets, I always felt good doing those posters. It’s a whole exercise in reflection.

But it’s not just the posters for kurb, there’s soul science stuff, turner stuff, it builds and builds on itself.

The covers of books I’ll never read, but just remember them there on the shelf, speaking to me. What do they say?

I don’t know, but I am listening and suddenly I am into this. I get to throw out junk. I get to preserve something of a memory a trigger that is a portal, a time machine to another age.

I get to process all this crap so that it is dealt with.

Then I have this monstrous roll of crap stuck together, what is it? It’s easier to move and it’s easier to display than what it was before. You only have to glance at it for 30 seconds and I am taking all I wanted from it.

Minimalism has begun, and it is achieved through art.

***

The CD archive is done. It is not all done, the project isn’t done, but we have something to work with that allows us to begin to get rid of all the physical aspect, to flush, to cleanse, to seek the minimal, purity.

To reflect on the experience. To be able to say, I spent years doing this shit, well here’s what it is. Just to move on. Just to leave it behind. It’s all on this hard drive, if you really care, for whatever reason. I just like to reflect, on this hard drive I’ve got hundreds of musicians, their passion, their dreams, they brought them to me, I made CD’s, and often it was a lot of hard work and I resented that, but I did my best.

Then I made this compilation, and then I did some video art. I sought to capture what I had done in a way that if anyone could be bothered to want to understand, well they could.

Most of all, I just wanted to understand it, myself, to seek minimalism, to say that it’s done. I’m done with it, not out of frustration, but it is resolved now. It is not finished yet, but the painful drudge is over.

***

Now it begins. I begin to look around and see the things it is time to get rid of. There is not that much stuff here, but nonetheless, good to start in on it.

Think if what you want to achieve, and ask if this is an item on it’s way to whakatane. Not that that isn’t a 50/50 proposition. I think we really need to start seeing a vision of a new life now.

It feels like the cd archive and the art project have released this moment when all things must move towards a new resolution and a new beginning.

I think of how things happened, that theona wanted her money from crummer rd, and she took it, and sean wanted his money from crummer rd, and he took it, and I battled on to try and hold on, and in the end I won, and through it all I still end up winning, through every battle I fought, if I find myself with $500k and darya, I am the winner, I win.

I am gaining perspective on the campaign I have waged for 10 years, with it’s wins and losses. With the cushy breaks I got, and the hammer blows, somehow it must all make sense.

***

I am hammering on the master archive. A few headaches but we will shake it out, obviously I am already, 7 months out, dividing tasks up between what I can do while I’m away and what I need to do here. The docs, and the music and the pics and continuing stuff for the kurb archive, can be done in europe. We just want to fit it on that 2gb HD this time.

That means everything we leave behind must be up to date in case we lose that work.

We may stay working on a whole new recompile of the music fruity stuff. We will see how we go, because we know which one is the newest.

Once the kurb archive stuff is off those drives, then the freshest music, art and video archives must be put on to the 2gb. knowing there is now 2-3 copies of this means we can clear old versions off the second back ups and replace them even though those are the drives now holding the full kurb archives. Solid.

Website stuff, art project stuff, barn stuff, hard drive stuff.

6acwave. 27.

27 precludes reupping on the pic stuff, docs stuff. Which to me is where we want to be by the time we leave for europe again, and I don’t see all taking me 6 months, hell no.

So the only other thing I’m thinking of is starting to push the youtube channel forward, to connect through kurb to where the archive project kicks off, and we start getting so caught up and threads are starting to come together.

***

That’s good but we can’t lose the thread of getting our money right, and coming back to where we’re going.

I was still motivated to buy into the idea of selling up this place, or playing out that 50/50 scenario.

But suddenly my whole vision has shortened to what I am doing right now, it’s weird, I was so focused on the 2 years out vision, now I’m back in the 6 months out vision.

It was just that shock that I might not know what I’m doing for 3 or 4 years and ramping up the farm is pointless.

I was thinking of slimming down my shit, so I can lock it in the barn, then come back to do the place up, and then sell it, because I just am not feeling this vibe where I’m some kind of saviour to these auckland assholes, I’m not doing it.

When I was about the trading, I thought I could make it work and it’s all a damn dream. The trading may work but never to that scale and so my dreams must be scaled back. Having a farm to look after when I want to be in europe is just a drag, that’s for real. There are always bills to pay, things to manage, things going on that I can’t be on top of because all my capital is in this asset. It’s a bit too cold in april and even coming into october – and then in january it starts with the damn flies. I’m not into it.

But I need to think about what I’m going to do, because even though I will have years to think about it, darya wants to see my leadership.

***

I have reverted back to the 2 year vision, getting on with this website stuff is a bit of a hump.

The barn is a process which I will ride, as is the archiving, I have 6 months to do it.

I am thinking of the longer plan, that most likely we will set up some kind of food business in minsk, possibly on a hipster tip, perhaps even two businesses, one hipster, one traditional. Maybe even something like thai food. But no, you would start one business at first with some kind of USP.

Now all your food costs are business costs, and that is why you do it. In fact, I think we should start the business before we even buy an apartment. The idea anyway is to sink $100k into a plan that means we pay no rent, and we spend next to nothing on food, and so what we do is ultimately efficient, and we break even when we are in minsk, but darya can still draw a $200pw income from this activity.

in New Zealand, you are putting $200k into a rental property, the idea being, if your tenants move out, you’re right in there doing the place up for a flip, or renting out the place again, or whatever.

You still have $200k. So you’re still making $20k on rent and interest, and don’t forget, this new scheme, of actually encouraging your tenants to grow weed is still in play, ensuring you get that nice rent. It is not hard for me to believe I will kick $10k in trading and other incomes also, with dole there.

Darya is free to go and get herself a little job if she wants where she can not only make some money, but run her game in minsk at the same time.

So what we have is me making $600 a week, $30k, when we pay no rent in minsk or NZ, darya straight spends 6 months in minsk and 6 months in NZ, while in april-may and sept-october I am often diddling about for a month in thailand, belgrade, turkey and wherever else on my way between destinations.

We will leave NZ together in april but she will fly on to minsk directly. I will leave minsk in september and meet her where we will continue on to new zealand – possibly. I may want to arrive in NZ first to work on some stuff and get things ready for her, and then I can collect her from tauranga airport.

It is likely I will only need $200 a week, this is for food and bills and extras in NZ, cheap living in belgrade, turkey, thailand, and basically living it up a little in minsk, where darya wants to put in a good look, and we using our buying power. If you put $5k down for flights, this would suggest that I have an extra $300 on the average week to entertain myself.

This may turn in to $250 once you consider extra costs associated with my rental such as rates and insurance, but, to me that says I won’t be working that hard at all, I won’t have something to splurge that cash on, and I’ve already accounted for darya having her own earn and security.

There is still the possibility of investing into yet another business in whakatane.

This is really amazing. It certainly throws the emphasis on fudging it for the next 2 years, and shows, if we need to shut down our trading to make it work, it can be made so.

If I can hold to the $34k line for the next year, the following year, I should be able to afford for her to visit, as well as playing the same line I will this year – having a couple of grand for some little getaways, as well as a few grand to plug a few gaps where they might emerge.

When I return in 2 years, I will have then $14k to drop into the big reno and sale, though likely I would have already kicked it along, knowing that I still hold $20k, and my trading backs me up for $11k+ should I need it, and my trees are still coming.

So expecting $500k is not too much, so I should walk away with $525k fairly comfortably, perhaps even with my trees still to come.

Writing this has become therapy again, a way to keep me psychologically focused, moving forward.

The cd archive is mere days from being done. All those songs, all those samples, all the work I’ve done, my time is now ready to be put to another use. I will never have to do this task again.

The websites become the new task, and this is not a task that will take weeks. Websites must be restored, websites must be discarded, and the superfarm site begun.

There will be nasty tasks to do as well, chasing IRD, sorting out all my money, my dole, the weed, but I will chip and chip away, I feel that having months to chip away, I will slowly jump on this stuff.

I’m wading into the docs archive, it is again heavy to understand this is where my life is at.

Everything I’ve ever done, and everything I own.

It’s only everything. It’s only forever!

What I mean is that although it feels like a tedious grind, just like churning up that turf with the hoe, the freedom I am coming towards, is an amazing thing.

It may seem utterly pointless, but this is the life we lead. Adventure, and tedium. I don’t watch TV and movies, I endlessly look over thousands of half baked plans I spent my life working on just like this blog, spewing out ideas that weren’t going anywhere because it’s all part of the process, I was a drug dealer, I was a DJ and producer, a club promoter, a start up guy, an internet famous guy, I did music, writing, video, I traveled, and all this who knows what it is building up to, or if anything at all really, but it allows me to understand and reflect on what it is that was, how it was. How it is, what was, what is to be, and how it always was, and will always be.

It’s not important, a half finished blog a wrote 10 years ago. But the process by which I recognise, this is how I spent my life, and to reflect and to leave it all behind.

Am I planning my funeral already, is that what this all is? Absorbed in myself when I should be living? To me this is living, watching TV isn’t living. Playing games isn’t living, I’m living out my past lives, gaining this knowledge of the journey I’ve been on. This is what I tell my self as I churn the turf, when you were looking for a croissant on your last day in kyiv, and feeling so down, that was living too, those are the lessons life has to teach us.

One day I will do the same with this writing reduce it down again and again into something that maybe has value when 90% of it has been shaved away and

What is it you want? What it the meaning of happiness to you?

To feel that your life made sense. That what you did makes sense. It may not have been smart, or glorious or a non-stop party adventure, but it was life, and you understand it. You understand what you did, and you understand what you’re doing.

I turn from the past, to the future, with ease.

That you could marry a 25 year old blonde from the other side of the world, loyal and sweet, it seems like another one of your dreams, but why wouldn’t I try?

The likelihood is that it won’t work out. You’ll be living in a damn barn, but the rent you collect will mean you won’t have to work at all and you can spend 4 or 5 months loitering overseas, because you will be living somewhere half decent instead of shivering in a barn. Makes sense.

Man the stuff you own really does own you, and this is what I am doing, I am buying back my freedom, the only way I know how.

Will we find anything that matters? Who knows. I don’t think that’s the point, this is what I’m saying, it’s the whole process to do all this work, get through it, and say it’s been done, now we look forward, we clean and purify our whole life by getting rid of everything that doesn’t matter.

***

John has called to say he has the seeds and the chance to work. I think I will spend april and may painting. or look to do a 6 week stretch, that overlaps, but if it looks like we’re going to do a pound or more, why would I?

It raises the possibility again of somebody living here doing the grow for higher rent, but I would have to know them. Why? Because I would be looking to take over again.

It also makes me think that short of doing a full on commercial grow, I should push it as hard as possible. The painting is only a last ditch effort. The money I can make from charging people to grow weed is like $1300, while if I grow my own shit we’re looking $5k.

I don’t think this will save your farm.

But it means I do have 6 months to get flatmates, and build up the superfarm thing. That feels like something I could do. The $4k for kurb and trading also seems attainable, $3k is definitely attainable, and really make much difference. The dole is no brainer, and . . . that’s it. You now have your 6 months to put it together.

You are back on track. You will likely have money, $5k, for a little trip to meet darya in may, and to plug any gaps. You may even come back next year on $35k, because you’re not going for a cabin.

At that point you’re living in the barn, which is not great, but you only need to last out to mid april, and next year you should have seedlings and clones ready when you get back, this could likely lead to a big $10k surplus.

Which means Darya can come. It is a lot of cost, $3-4k just to bring her for a month. But it means we can run the same costs, we have $5-6k for extra little weeks away, and plugging any gaps.

The deal is we’re not expanding the situation as a business because there’s no point. We stay on $35k, we plan strategic renovations, and really the plan does not change at all.

The only way it can work is if you can get $250 while you and Darya are inside. No, we go to whakatane. there, i’m making $150 from kurb/trading, $150 from the farm, and $200 from the dole. This is 3 years from now.

It won’t work. You need to begin to transition to what you’re going to do now.

What are you going to do? Stick to the plan. Bring her for 1 month, and when you return in 2 years, holding $35k, live in the barn for as long as possible, drop $15k into renovations and marketing, you are likely living on $350-450 a week so you’re okay, and you’re looking to walk away in april or may with $525k.

Straight to Minsk to Marry Darya. On $500 a week, you won’t be saving anything. Given the cost of the wedding and honeymoon, you’re looking to make it back to NZ in october, 3 years time, with $515k.

$500 a week to live on in whakatane, no rent, deciding what business we’re going to do, maybe I go to the dole office and wait for them to give me a job, but most likely not, because we need to be thinking about what we’re doing. In April, heading off back arriving in minsk in june likely to buy an apartment, and continue to consider what business we might do, it’s possible by this stage I am doing $200 in trading. This continues to be enough to live on. Once we have an apartment, I will set off back to NZ, arriving back in late october.

After a year, there should be a clear idea of what business we will be doing. It will be time to begin.

What strikes me is that I will not know exactly what I’m doing or building for 4 years. That is crazy to imagine. It so streamlines what I’m doing in terms of focusing on what I know needs to be done as opposed to what could possibly be done, because what could possibly be done is influenced by so many undetermined factors.

It will not take me 4 years to do all my archiving and content stuff. So it’s very interesting and quite exciting.

***

Alternately we need another plan, if we come back from minsk certain there will be no darya. This is also pretty simple, we will live in the barn, and slowly make it better and better with all the money we save. It will be fine.

I will have $200 a week when I live here, and $500 for the half of the year I am in eastern europe and thailand. Without Darya, it really isn’t so complicated, I am doing all this for her.

***

The cd archive is nearly done. Huge moment, really, the final line up certainly doesn’t look disappointing.

It is likely that . . . all of this was done for storage reasons, because I wanted to manage the process before it somehow turned into a mess, now that I have my longlist, a rough shortlist, I can simply sit on that and revisit when I back on my travels.

In a lot of ways it feels like the next step after oceanic chill. I did two compilations.

Way less music than I thought was scratched up. there are very likely to be more additions, it’s a matter of what we come across.

Do we repeat the same process for databass? Maybe. It’s a matter of simply moving through what it is that we have.

We’re going to find way more messed up CD’s there, but it’s the same deal with sampling obscure stuff that no one will recognise – probably even the artists.

We need these principles in focus, it is ultimately about my quest for minimalism, to reduce my years of running a cd and dvd duplication business into a cd compilation, a bunch of playlists, accompanied by some youtube videos made out of found footage, and have a hard drive and a back up drive with all the raw source content on it.

And that’s it.

I only have what I have.

I had all this shit I couldn’t make sense of, now it is done.

I am still like I was with my school projects, taking on such inexplicably inexhaustible tasks, to achieve what?

I had to make sense of it somehow, and this is how I did it.

Such wisdom is very hard won. I don’t need to travel so much no more, I’ve learnt some things from that.

I see the reasons I bought this farm that don’t really matter any more.

It’s not my job to build an empire for people to serve under my enlightened leadership, most people can’t be relied on, and you might clearly remember this was all driven by your utter faith in the trading.

Well, it didn’t work out.

***

Now that the cd archive is wrapping up, we move to the websites situation.

– fix our old websites
– launch superfarm
– re-evaluate all web properties
– revisit soul science website

Then what? The art project in the barn. No real need to finish it quickly, I just want some perception of what is to be. It is better to do barn stuff than hard drive stuff.

I think as we empty the house into the barn, a natural process will begin that we don’t even need to invoke too much. So what comes next?

Website stuff, art project stuff, barn stuff, hard drive stuff.

***

The icky stuff I need to do tomorrow is put more money on my card to clear that up, follow up with IRD, and then make calls about this concrete. Once I’ve done that, it’s a good move forward.

The shower board will come next.

What I secretly know is that if I plan to sell the place, I don’t really need to put that much effort into developing it outside of renovations.

It’s really just developing the barn so it’s bearable for me, and doing the shower in the bathroom.

There is a thought that my development of the superfarm site will be kind of restrained and staggered, it’s whole outlook is not really a big vision any more.

That kind of feels like something I need to deal with.

It means for the first time in a while I am just not dealing with the long vision, but the short vision.

What is my vision for getting people in? To just start doing content. Do content, on this superfarm site, get networks going, get ideas going, attract people to the ideas, and then you start looking for the people to come. Get a vibe going around what you’re doing.

Your only focus is bringing those people in, and we know how that plays. Pay for the advertising.

***

I am now looking at the databass stuff and asking the same question, what is to become? This is how it will be, we will continue to ask the question, what is to become of it?

It is our job to curate each aspect. We drift towards the 27, and the 27 opens up the idea that we will do a proper site about what our deal is all about, and that is all about getting the tone right to tell the fullest story.

I always thought the tone would shift, you can’t be too cynical or too serious, you have to bring together a theme.

I always liked that thing elliot did the idea of a “style journey”. every small step or misstep was a step along the journey not just to where you are now, but where you are going.

It means something because it helps you understand what you felt was important when you took that step and you get to ask is it still important? What is the important part and what doesn’t matter?

I am able to reflect. I am able to say, well it’s important I put my girl first, and family and those I do owe loyalty to, and that I cherish what I do for the art, and for the passion, not for what there is to be gained.

I like not having to work too hard. I like to share a moment with my lady.

Why don’t you do any music? I haven’t found my way back there yet, I am still reflecting. I reflect that it doesn’t matter and when I choose to do it with that in mind, it is more pure.

I feel like I’ve got things to do, and when I’ve done those things, maybe there, maybe there is a moment for reflection about where I’m at.

I think 6acwave 2 may well require my consideration.

I am always trying to gain some greater knowledge that seems so elusive, every day this process, I calm myself down.

I had some pretty car crash emotions, my dad doesn’t want to pay rent, and I guess, well, okay.

Darya is looking further away right now, but all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, and hope for the best.

I think the eventuality is that if things work out with Darya, I will have to sell the farm. Well actually, it’s that I don’t think I can have them both, because going for Darya, I will run out of money, and I can’t not go for her.

The idea must be a strategic withdrawal, to get the most value out of the place. I consider that given that I will likely make money on my investment, and it allowed me to go around the world and have that experience, and make a solution to preserve my mother’s stuff in a way that was going to work long term, as well as have a haven where I could make a plan for my life, and I was able to keep kurb going. It wasn’t a mistake, and I have no regrets.

When kurb is dead, and my grandma dies, what has Auckland got left for me? Nothing.

I want to keep it for another 2 years at least, and hold the line, it will be a challenge but I will find a way, because I will work it out.

But of course things may not work with Darya, and I will slink back here, I will live in the barn, and collect the rent from the house, and the dole.

I should be able to save $10k and lock up the barn and go away for 4 months. Turkey, Ukraine, Thailand. Maybe I will be lucky and there will be $10k I can scrape from trading.

But if I can’t make it work, I can’t make it work, and I will sell up, maybe I will buy in belgrade where it’s pleasant enough in october and april, I can visit ukraine, thailand, and home.

At least with Darya, I will know why I failed, and there is perhaps not so much romance in it. You will know when you go next year whether it’s real or not.

If you make $19-20k this year you’ll hold the line, and next year you’ll go to $25k, and you’ll know where you’re at with darya, you’ll hold the line, and if it’s darya yes, then you’ll be doing the house for sale.

If you sell it in summer or autumn of 2021, you would have got 4 and a half years out of it, and my dad will be getting his super. You should be walking away with $500k hard cash. You will likely buy a place in Minsk, maybe to do up. But likely, that is not even worth it. Start a business that you enjoy doing, that serves food, so that you have no bills for living or eating there. Your whole family.

In October and November I will wander off towards Thailand, arriving back home for christmas, where my family will join me minsk and we will live with my dad for 3 months. I will do an extra month each end, leaving for minsk in may.

I will be making $16k interest off my principal, and probably $4k from the dole.

$400 a week. In minsk and whakatane where I spend 8 months of the year, my expenses are barely $150. Let’s say $3k. In between, I do spend $5k. But it may be $8k in flights. that still leaves me $80 a week, $400k in the bank, and absolutely all of my free time.

If it’s Darya no, you’ll keep trying to make the barn nicer to live in, and a spot for your dad. You’ll grow some pot. You’ll likely do $30k. You’ll live half the year in the damn barn for $5k, end of april til end of september, then it’s $10k overseas for half the year, cutting you an extra $15k.

You will still have bills for insurance and rates. but no less, you will likely have a spare $200+ a week.

Can you see how hard darya is making your life?

If there was no darya, get yourself a thai girl who will be happy to live in the barn once it’s nicer, simply because you have this lifestyle, where you don’t work.

I guess I never saw how making the barn my permanent spot could be really what I wanted. Because the barn has space, and everything can be made good in there. Everything can be locked up in there, and my dad doesn’t really have to stay, and if he wants to, well cool, he can stay in the sleep out until he doesn’t want to.

Even with Darya, I can say, look, this is how it is. I’m living in this barn, I’ve spent up a lot of money to be with you, but now we’re going to walk away with $500k and start a new life. Either you want that or you don’t.

Then what’s the point of even bringing her to NZ? Of saying look, I want to be with you, even in a damn barn, and next time you come, we’re going to be doing up the house to sell, and we’re leaving here to go back to belarus to get married.

I will have to pay off someone in the house to take a hike while she’s here, it’s the only choice, the barn is too much.

So the plan is I go back next year for 3 months to tell her how it is and find out if it’s going to work, and maybe I won’t even get her to come. Maybe I will just straight sell it in 18 months.

What are you waiting for. To find out if the vibe is real between us. So 2020 you set off with $470k back to minsk, where is all your stuff? Do I buy a container for $3k and offer them $1k to store it, or stipulate as part of the sale? Then I go back to minsk to be with my darling.

I live on $400 a week. My trading may yet prove I can make that $500. Obviously I am able to do something else, but what that might be, who knows. Something so incredibly simple and so incredibly low risk. There is going to be something I can do, so all you need to worry about, is surviving on $500 a week.

Which I know I can do, the thing is you would want to go back to NZ at some point, and what the hell would you do?

Where would you go?

The thing is whether you end up with darya or the farm, it’s kind of really the same. Except it’s not.

With the farm you still have somewhere to go back to. You start to see what a high price you’re paying for darya.

You start to feel what you were feeling when she said she had tonsillitis. What a relief not to have to deal with this shit. This pressure.

I just like to live a simple life, simple food, a simple place, nothing too much planned, creating something, enjoying, exploring. That is best.

Like in bangkok, I would simply go out for some food, and return to my apartment to write and trade. That’s the life I want. With my darya, I feel close to her, and I want that to continue, but if it’s not to be, then so be it.

So you either sell your farm and go back to darya, or you keep your farm and you throw your life in that barn, and you lock it up, and off you go.

One version, you have $500pw and nowhere to go back to, but you have your girl, and your money, and the promise of a new start.

The other, you have $400pw and your farm is waiting for you, to go ever on.

What is starting to be seen is that I have to live in the barn and only be seeing darya for a period over 4 months until the situation gets called one way or the other.

this makes my course of action in the short term fairly clear. I have to do the bathroom and the barn. The cabin is scarcely necessary, in fact if it was to go anywhere, it would be by the barn. This would make the sleep out my “study”.

What’s the move here? The permanent move to renting out the house for my money, and setting myself up in the barn. My dad can have the sleep out as he does now. I go off to europe, or wherever, and I come back. I’m in the barn, I’m making it better, not just for me, but for when I sell it.

If darya drops me, nothing changes. Life goes on. I have a fair old surplus.

If darya green lights our blessed union, I return to begin preparation for the sale. Darya never comes to New Zealand, I take the money to her.

It is unlikely I will have enough evidence to proceed with the sale after the next 3 months, but I will certainly be in no doubt about holding steady.

What is the big change here? I see no point in bringing darya to NZ to see the farm, I see no point in asking my dad to stay here over winter, but he still can.

The big question still is sure you can buy a place in minsk but what do you do in NZ? Where do you go? Surely, you can rent somewhere out, and go on the dole. As a couple they will give you $500. But I don’t think she would get the dole for 2 years. I might get a boost, they’d give me like $380. It could be $6k+, just for us to move in to some $300 type place, just like my place, and then get the dole and then move out.

There are decent 1 bedroom apartments in hamilton for $270, furnished. But I think the main kitchen and laundry are shared. Hrrm. But whatever, I think you’d be living on $600? $10k?

***

My dad has said we could live with him, for that time. But he has also raised a new possibility.

Darya and I live in whakatane in the summer while he lives on the farm, and I collect the rent.

$10k rent
$5k dole
$5k trading etc

I don’t see how we could sustain this. The flights are $4k alone, we’d be living on $300 a week, it could only ever be temporary.

It seems that the choices are the same, but I have to accept I can’t have it all, and what I am trying to do is be able to go to darya and tell her I have a plan. I believe I will survive this year with at least $30k.

That’s actually the hard part.

Next year will be much easier, because everything is in position, it may even lift my savings, and the option of bringing darya here becomes real, but I will have had some real talks with her about how it is. If she doesn’t come here, at least I don’t have to be tight with cash. This allows me to hit the last lap with a good $10-15k. If it obvious by then my trading isn’t working, I doubt I would have lost very much, it will allow me more, $15-20k – actually $20k seems a little over the top, but in whatever circumstances, even once the house is on the market I still have $25k left.

That seems cool, like I could even leave before it’s been sold, or bring Darya over again, knowing that the cash injection would soon arrive. But really both of those things would be silly, toughing it out is the key.

But you may as well wait and stretch your money out as long as possible to get your capital gains.

Hitting $495k because I spent the money, and heading off with $520k and my trees. There is a lot of junk to ship down to whakatane, but I don’t really see what other challenge there is.

Well you might head off to minsk while you wait for the market, the place has been done up and is definitely worth $300, which you are collecting each week and possibly $100 trading, and some from your dad given he is now on the super so you can’t be going backwards, and if someone puts in the offer for $490k and you decide to take it, you jump on that plane.

But more than likely, you will come to an arrangement before may, and you will show up in minsk with your money to marry darya, and then you will go off to the seychelles for a honeymoon, and off you go from there, likely to thailand, so you don’t get back to NZ and it’s cold like this, and you can drive around in the car some and stay some places. Your money is in the bank, you’re making $400 a week, and $100 on the trading. You won’t be able to keep it down to that. But anytime, you can go back to whakatane, and there you are, you’re not paying any rent, you’re making $500.

I have to stay focused, I am doing well to keep some activities happening, tomorrow I will set myself up for the dole, and basically steeling myself to do my numbers so that I can get ready to do the things I need to do to concrete the barn.

Concreting the barn is starting to seem like the most labour intensive part of the jobs that have to be done, doing the toilet and the inside bathroom are going cost money and be fiddlesome, but not

Doing the room and the cabin is going to cost money, but it should only take a week to do the main work.

But once you’ve done the concrete and the room and the bathroom and the cabin, even if you didn’t get a shower done, or the lock up shed, you can still rent out the whole house and your dad will have good places while you’re away. But it will be shitty to come back to live in that sleep out in this weather.

That’s the worst part.

The trading has flipped and I’m all skippy now. It just surprises me so much it can still range $350+ in a day, which has not been that active, it’s gone from lower than it ever was last week, to higher than where we started.

But while you’re positive get orientated, psychologically we have to take on the numbers.

What I see is that there may not be that much work, we won’t doing hard work every day, it’s just spending the money and getting things organised and making decisions is going to be tough, and you’re going to make mistakes.

And then there’s like I said, coming back in a year’s time to live in a sleep out.

What this does is focuses my energy on what is going to be a come down.

But I think I need this come down, I need to have this moment where being back at the farm isn’t that great, because otherwise how can I ever appreciate the fact that I am simply in minsk, in bangkok, in belgrade with nothing to do?

I need to have that feeling . . . well no, it’s not that I have to be glad to have an apartment to myself, it’s that I have to make my sleep out zone homely and nice.

There is also an important threshold we pass with the archiving that having taken care of massive amounts of this work, we can now flip it – anything else coming across can be judged by whether it meets the standards that have already been set by the rest of the material. It is no longer judged on whether it might be usable, it’s judged on whether it IS usable and then in any case, slung into storage.

The point about storage now is it’s not my problem, it’s stored forever, to only be accessed should there ever be any reason for anybody to ever care.

***

well it’s one of those one’s, you steady yourself for the worst, and then you cop it fully, and it’s like you’ve been hit by a train and you can’t believe you’re still alive.

IRD came after me, they started enforcing my account, I couldn’t believe it. luckily I will get most of it back, minus the late payment fees, which I knew were there. In fact I am relieved discover I don’t owe them anything else.

Can you imagine how much I would have panicked if I’d realised this when it started happening?

Now I have to deal with the fall out, I have overspent or underearned by almost a grand. This seems like one of those one’s where it’s a disaster now, but in a years time, will I still feel this way?

I am slowly moving through all the shit I have to be on top of. I just feel like I’ve been given a big dose of medicince, I knew I had to deal with IRD, and now I will have. It won’t stop me going after darya, but it’s the little things that make life harder.

I think you better start talking about how you think you’re going to work this all out.

If I hit my numbers, I can still go to europe, I can still see darya, and I’ve still got $10k if she will marry me and I need to pay for a wedding and honeymoon. What more is that I need to do? It seems the apartment in minsk or anything else, is very far off now, but it feels like you might just have to say, well, I don’t work that hard, so what can you really expect?

It feels like it is the time now to clear all these projects out of the way, so I can focus on my life going forward.

But I am still wracked and tortured by anxiety and fear, what is that you’re afraid of? That every step along this road with Darya will be plagued with trepidation and anxiety that I won’t be able to hold it together when the bills roll in.

I have to cling on to the thought that no matter what happens, I can sell this farm, and start again.

If there’s no darya, then there’s no need.

I am haunted by the idea that while I am dicking around with my kurb compilation and gluing old posters together, I am losing any chance at happiness I might have because I won’t make sure my moneys right.

Why is it that overspending and IRD snatching their money when you know you’ll get the difference back, such a blow? The reason you overspent is darya and taking one last punt on the trading, the IRD, they are all situations that are able to be reigned in, they’re not blowing out.

Were there better decisions you could have made? I actually don’t think so. Yes there is that gnawing feeling that these stupid projects are leading me nowhere but to a place of despair, I just don’t know how else to be productive.

I am going to be home longer than I was last year, and I’m not going to experience the same slumps, and unlike last year, I am already through a large chunk of these projects.

Remember last year it took me 2 months to do the tour videos, and the kurb videos, you think it will take so long to get anything done now? Just one year, this year, to be able to last the whole journey and spend less than I earn, is going to give me confidence.

So when the cd archive is done, what then? It will likely be done in a week, and there is a pretty clear divide between the tunes that have made the cut and those that don’t.

The website situation takes precedent, obviously, but we need something to squirrel on.

There are docs, but I think the kurb art, it’s too crazy, it’s too pointless to even take on right now.

It may be that we are taking on the music and the images again, fresh. 2nd round. The question is one of minimalism, what is the future for this thing here, does it matter?

It raises a spectre that maybe this doesn’t fix all my problems, and brings me face to face with the fact it was a distraction all along. But that is the process.

What are we heading to? A website where there’s pictures, and stories and music and videos.

We start on the 27 chapters again, we look for the content that goes with them. We did video at the beginning of the year because video is so strong. We must accept the process now slows down. I just wanted to get rid of all those discs, and to have this project in the bag so that if anything goes down, I have something to show.

I can begin the process of throwing things out, ALL THE DISCS CAN BE BIFFED.

I can assess them immediately, do I want to use this? Are there good songs on here? Is this good footage we can use, if not BIFF. It’s a process by which every damn thing here must be resolved. In the barn a process begins, to process each piece of paper and each disc. These lives are over. This IRD thing, well it got resolved for me.

I spent too much while I was away, I was away too long, I have to explain to Darya, all those times I came to minsk I was spending a lot of money to be there just for you. If things aren’t as wonderful as you dreamed they might be, I must say, I didn’t feel it was a mistake, we have to make the right choices to find the solutions.

I’m in a situation right now where I’m here in Minsk for 3 months and I am not earning or saving any money, I am here because I want to be with you. That’s why I’m here. Because that’s the choice I’ve made, I want us to be together.

The more of this junk I deal with now, the less it will be on my plate when Darya is, and so we make decisions together. I rent out the farm house, we rent an apartment in hamilton, I get the dole, I wait to get a job, the minimum wage has gone up, so at least it’s $800 a week, we save money, soon enough, she can stay and work and get a job as well, now we live like normal new zealand dinks and . . .

It makes me realise it’s possible to give her some hard talk, and IRD too.

The reason I’m short on dough is because I spent so much hanging around minsk, taking you to kyiv, taking you out, buying you flowers. I was here for 10 days it cost me $500, I only saw you once. I came back, no I’m not saving any money, I want to be with you, as soon as we’re together, as soon as you commit to me, I can start to make it work.

Now I am starting to believe my own words and stop being so fearful, you could find a man with more money than me but he would never care about you and make the commitment to you that I have already shown.

You could find yourself a good man here in belarus but he won’t already own a farm in new zealand where there are just more opportunities, and I am happy to sell up that farm and rip up the plan and start again if that’s what you want.

We can buy an apartment in Minsk, I’ll live there for 4 months, and you can live there for 6 or 7, I’ll go live with my dad in whakatane, you can come when it gets too cold.

We both won’t be working too hard, I earn money off interest, you earn money either working or renting out the apartment, or we play it the other way and buy some can’t-fail business that 2 people can run and we sit there and we run it and we make our money, and then we hire people to do the work, for us.

Or she can find some other guy. I’ll keep my farm and my dad and I will live like a couple of hillbillies collecting our rent and our money from the government, we’ll be fine.

Didn’t get to have a family or experience the love of a good woman, oh well, worse has come about, especially if I get to continue to travel, but not really work, at all. Maybe I’ll marry a nice thai girl.

Maybe she won’t mind living in the damn barn.

Not my preference, but are we not all at the mercy of the world as it spins.

IRD can come do an audit and I’ll tell them just how much money I burned through, so how about that?

Again I am seeing subtle signs the trading is actually working, I’m taking hits, yet I’m not being taken to lows.

If the hits reversed, I’d be at new highs, and of course, with every day, what we’re seeing is a result of movement in our core pairs, as we trim off all that shit that sucks away at us.

***

Why am I not worried any more? I was totally ripped up earlier. I guess I just don’t have the capacity to worry and fret all the time, it is what it is, and we are in a process now of dealing with shit, that’s been waiting a long time to be dealt with, I’ve got $40k in the bank, if I didn’t earn a dime from nothing it would still take me 2 years to run out of money. But we’re going to find a way to hold the damn line.

We sure damn are.

It seems you know if we hung on to the dole we could milk a little more, and we’re travelling on $360 a week, which we know is almost too much unless were with darya. We would barely spend an extra $3k which would be $200 a week extra to spend on darya.

Tomorrow becomes today. I am on the rollercoaster, good news is that the kurb accounts seem to be in order, but my dad has been paying the bills, I’m getting nothing back from that. So it is all looking a lot worse than I thought, but not catastrophic, I’ve been here before.

It is not the end of the world. In New Zealand, I can live within my means, and my need to go off on these trips is now somewhat curbed, when I go back again, I go back for darya, and little else, except to avoid the bad weather.

If not for darya, I will have some money, maybe I will meet another girl.

The plan remains the same. If things work out, I will have another $7k, $3k spending for overseas, $2k spending for the farm, and maybe $1-2k to put some of these issues to bed, and find a simpler life.

Reaching home, I lighten up, but I can’t help but feel there’s a lot of challenges ahead.

But I’m here now, I’m home now, I’m settled, I’m ready to get steady. No distractions, no weed, no being depressed and anxious.

I believe in these numbers, I believe I can make them work. I even realised it’s so much better to ask for an ounce a month as payment rather than $50, because I am confident that is a reasonable amount I can sell, and it is a better proposition. But in fact I can give them the option. Cash is also good.

I can also aim for flatmates paying $240, as I originally envisioned.

But right now I still want to ask questions about . . . using my technique of really squeezing the questions out.

If we just find that one guy to run the business ideas, and we back him up, is that all we need to do?

How are we going to optimise the proposition? Make it $280 until they’re settled in. That’s cheap, especially if they have additional reasons for wanting the space. Pigs is another idea, but we also have to accept they won’t be making too much over winter.

Now I’m saying $250, be prepared to go down to $250 to get people in, to lowball.

***

I am back out in that barn wrestling with the past. If it makes me unhappy, why do I do it?

Because unhappiness, it means something, just as happiness is fleeting, so is unhappiness, comfort is not helping you.

Because one day everything will finally be sorted, I hope to have gained some kind of understanding.

An understanding you preferred to stand around in the barn and sort through old bits of paper wondering on how life goes by? It will always inspire, even if the inspiration is not positive.

I ask myself what was I doing, what was I thinking? I think it’s a journey to understand not much is really needed.

It’s an understanding that while so many people go off to work to do things that don’t matter I reflect on the times I did the same thing, and what does it mean now?

It is an attempt to understand and this in itself is a worthy activity.

We need regularly to step back and retrace the plot once more from the start to the present moment. We need to reorient ourselves in the trajectory of our own lives. We need to remind us ourselves of the ongoing logic of what we’re meant to be doing and have signed up to. We need to tell the story of our lives in a way that can keep illuminating the purpose of the small and large challenges of the days ahead.

I keep saying, there is very little I need to worry about except my girl, and having some money.

Good habits are very important, eating less and more modestly. Keeping clean and tidy.

I go back to the barn. I understand, it’s process, to take what have been and am left with and turn it into something meaningful, not so much to anyone else, but to me. It is all part of a process that leads me to the things that really matter to me.

It seems extremely ambitious now to think I could charge $300, but I think $250 is going to work. I think you’ll just have to become that guy who absolutely just knows how to save money, not least because I always have time on my hands, I become master of saving money and time.

Which may mean I must give up coffee. It seems crazy, but I don’t know how else to really start smashing your bills down so you live a life that doesn’t cost so much.

***

It is only just hitting me how stupid my ambitions for my art project really are, and that it has all to do with that fact I can’t let go.

What is it you can’t let go of, what are you holding on to? My life, my memories, all my things I’ve done with my life, experiences I’ve had, do I just flush it all down the toilet and forget these things, like they never happened?

I think you just need to build your storage shed and keep things moving. In time you will find the right solution, it doesn’t appear to be available right now. You’ll find the supplies you need.

It’s all making me deadly anxious about my superfarm concept so you’re going to have to show some grit. Get the website going, and get talking about what you’re doing.

Are you ready for someone now? In the office? $80. $120 if they want to grow pot. Now it just occurs to me. Rather than charging one group $50 to grow pot, I could charge them individually, as every room has a cupboard.

Then I can charge them $100, $110, $120, but then you’ve got too many people who know what’s up. But then you’ve got dudes growing like 5-6 plants, and it’s barely worth any bodies trouble.

It seems to me that charging $120 and $130 would be the more sensible option.

This means the flatmates thing could actually be worked up, and after all, I don’t need them to empty their rooms when Darya comes, just to piss off and not hang around. This could lead to me keeping my room, somehow.

Maybe I would need to take the office. Now we’re talking. I’m developing from the office, my dad is developing from the sleep out to the barn, soon enough, a new spot is available,

Have you thought of head hunting a solo mother? She’d be on $430, then you get her growing the pot, 2 pound a year, and then I would have to sell it.

What’s the advantage of this? Less bodies, less loose lips, but still production from someone motivated to earn, who has a steady income.

I have just checked out “sps” who have a branch locally in hamzo, a solo mum living there, is still close to their networks, family can still come to visit, because it’s not that far.

Including the tax credit, it would be $480, and $510 including winter heating.

But I really don’t understand the tax credit, I think it may be much more. Which is a funny one because it means solo parents get less accommodation benefit, which again, makes it better for them to have cheaper accommodation, they have less to gain by having higher rent.

If they’re really getting $540 with the tax credit, paying $250, but $505 paying $200, losing $15 and getting a better place isn’t such a good deal, but what would they get for $250 in hamilton?

A unit, in a block of flats, and not a nice one. $200, is basically not on offer, and if they were growing 2.5 ounces a month, that’s almost another $80 a week. That is also only 2 plants a month tops, easily under 10 plants.

so my earn is $330 a week, $16k a year. For real? You have to sell all that weed.

But I would get to keep the office. What is the advantage here? I get to keep the office, and I get someone – one person – who can pay the rent, and won’t leave.

It means in winter my dad can have the office as well as the barn,

What happens when Darya comes? Again I think they can handle it for a month in summer, given we’ve had all that time to make it better.

What is the next step? For me to have my office set up, someone else to have the sleep out set up, and my dad to have the barn set up, and whoever has the sleep out can use the office when I’m away.

This means the only potentially cold person in winter is my dad, who will be able to sort himself out, especially since this is not for next winter, as he will get the office, but the winter after. so he will have 18-19 months to make the barn winterproof, then darya doesnt come for 4 months for 2 years, by then, the barn is much nicer.

I have got my trademe listing for flatmates ready to go. Am I going to let it run after I get someone? Why not?

***

Today’s issue is that if I’m going to build a storage shed, I may as well simply build the cabin and store my stuff in it. That raises the next issue, where would I build it?

I think next to the sleep out is still obvious.

But also, if my dad is to be in the barn, and that’s not disrupted, then a lot of stuff can just go in there. This doesn’t mean we can avoid building it, but we can put it off.

We just need to walk through the steps, we don’t know if we’ll be renting out the whole house for closer to $300 or we’ll hang on to the office and get closer to $250. If it’s the whole house, $300, of course we’ll want to do the sleep out. If we still have the office, it’s still no bigger deal or better situation really, to walk from the office around to the sleep out, where in fact, we don’t really require the extra room. Or the storage shed if we have 3 spaces. So it’s pretty much decided. It’s by the sleep out.

SO get the people in in march, spend a month in the office/sleep out, having moved my dad to the barn, he’s all cosy in his room with a toilet, he may even be having a shower, or not, the other people have their own shower.

When I get back next year, I return to living in that shack set up, and it’s cold. I’m going to do 4 months in there, but there’s just one thing, there is not same pressure as there is this year to do anything, and I will certainly get something done, but the fact that all I have to do is make minor improvements changes the whole equation, there will be nowhere the grunt and grind of this year, and I will remember that I am to embrace simplicity and minimalist life.

I may be lucky to have the office, I may have some savings even, and the prospect of more projected savings. I will start work on my own cabin set up, in order to vacate the sleep out for a permanent person there.

It’s very likely that it would be possible to speed this along, the whole idea is, if I’m finding it unpleasant, I need to deal with it. You have to understand, in belgrade, in minsk, what the hell were you doing? Sitting here on this laptop, thrashing out this crap, day after day.

Once we have that permanent person there, I’m really collecting, and you must understand, increases to my income come either from trading or from people at the farm pushing forward my business ideas, I start to become passive except for where my efforts online can be met by people at the house.

If I’m collecting $20k+ from rents, and $6k from the dole, I am simply waiting for my trading income to ramp up. There’s not much more to it.

I will do the superfarm and motor home website stuff, but if there’s no one taking it forward, I shrug my shoulders and take it at my own pace, building superfarm as a co-op concept.

So we still have that dang audio archive and website stuff to do, so we had better do it, and not slack off.

But it just occurs to me now, all I need to do is find who will move in, and I am pretty much done.

I’ll find some weed eventually. You might take some steps backwards, but you’ll come forward eventually.

I don’t see any of this stuff failing in the timeframe I’ve created.

***

I can see there will be some battles with anxiety ahead, and I’m going to need this blog, need to write to keep me moving forward.

I am a bit worried about them digging into my earnings beyond the last 6 months but I think they will be fine if I just explain I wasn’t working, here’s 6 months of records for when I was working, just like you requested last time.

But I have a plan for my art project, and I think it will go ahead nicely. All I’m looking for is resolution.

To concrete the barn, to paste together my art project, to film both, to make a video where I speak of the worlds we live in, the past, the present, the future.

In the past, these gigs, this business, my family, what does it mean? I struggled to understand. I paste the pieces together that it might make sense, that I might gaze upon it and somehow the fragments allow me the knowledge, life, it takes you along for the ride.

The moments I share with Darya, and the future I dream of with her, are every hope to me. It may not happen, but I push on, knowing I own a farm, my dad owns a house, we have assets, we sell, we live well, it will be okay.

Maybe it’s not my place in life to have a family and to go on, but I must try, while the door remains open for me.

I am dealing with swells of anxiety every day, but I have a lot to hold on to. That once these projects are done, they’re done, that’s it. It’s resolved, we leave this behind, we can always revisit, but in understanding something that we have taken forward, we can continue to go forward, seeing life as a story.

There were gigs, there was a business, there was a tragedy, I made so many mistakes but I tried with my farm and my lady to make all things right in the end. That I have the same future as my father and both my grandfathers, that we are all defeated in the end.

It’s how you chose to go. Remember what you said to Darya, no one can tell me my farm isn’t good, my travels aren’t good, my girl isn’t good, and my projects are me, and that is my life. The simplicity of it, is something I welcome.

Anxiety is making me ill again. Maybe it’s what I need to get me working, working through it, pushing through it. I’m back working on the kurb archive, it will be done soon.

Soon I will break and get my fighting energy back, I’m ready to do this.

Because I don’t think I have a lot to be super anxious about. I’m worried if I can’t get my money right, I’ll lose Darya. It’s the trading, because of what I said, once upon a time I said the worst it would get is that I would sit in my house and collect the dole, now I have raised the bar, the worst it will get is me getting the dole and some rent on the sly, if I could only make the trading work for just a couple of hundred bucks, I know I could give darya a decent life. $35k p/a, she would often be disappointed, but at least it’s a life.

I guess this is where I feel I’ve learnt, that there are things that just don’t matter.

Yeah it’s great to travel, but use it for and to the extent it’s good for, it won’t fix all your problems, some of them, sure.

Yes you need to look after your woman, but that doesn’t mean build a whole life for her. It’s like a woman as a child, she’s hungry, she’s tired, she’s bored. Those are the problems you’re there to fix.

The rest will likely work themselves out without you stretching for the perfect solution all the time.

You have to accept the perfect solution doesn’t exist, and there will always be a problem that comes up.

Now I am on the plane home, I am melancholy, its that MGTOW kind of feeling. Youre supposed to give it all up for a woman, but is it ever going to make you happier?

Probably not. I check out all the girls walking past in the airport and somehow I am not thinking about how I was clinging onto Darya by my fingernails, I am down because of all the lost opportunities to get my dick wet, or more so, the lost hope.

I made my choices for the reasons that I did. My Darya is the right choice, not the easy choice, by any means, but the choice I feel I had to make, and this is what leaves me feeling ambivalent. These girls got to make it so hard, I don’t understand. What does it mean?

I don’t resent it, I just don’t get it. Men just end up saying I don’t need this shit.

I don’t know. You chase cheap sex and you end up feeling empty like it’s all a fake version of what it’s supposed to be, and it’s just another form of settling for less, whether you end up with the fat ungrateful wife or the cheap tart.

I think of Aeryn and I think for a moment it was real, but the moment was never going to last, and look where we are now.

Somehow I get no satisfaction from being smug, it is only tragedy, that people need to learn the hard way, and we must live with other people’s choices.

I think of my trading. I took the risks, I failed. With Darya is it any different? I don’t feel I have a choice but to play out the game.

It seems so sad. But the fact that it must be this way means I have no reason to regret my choices, I never seem to regret it, I just lament, and in reflection, I come to see life is like a river, sometimes, it seems there is little we can do but flow with the current.

I got that feeling the last time I saw her that I would marry her. But who knows what life holds.

Like I said, it would make my life easier if I didn’t. But that wouldn’t be my choice, and that’s ambivalence. I will be dating other girls when I get back to Minsk, which again, makes me sad, but I don’t feel I have a choice. This is the education I feel I’ve received.

***

I don’t feel so emotionally worked up any more which I guess is a good place to start recognising well I just have to work. It’s not work that requires a lot of thought.

But maybe I can still reflect on a few of these lessons learnt. That there’s not a lot that’s worth the money, that’s why I hate working, it’s not worth it.

In Bangkok I just felt like well there wasn’t really any need to go anywhere or do anything, just being there was enough, it was somewhere different.

In Vietnam and Belgrade I was living on $200 a week. It was fine.

I reflect on that feeling I got when I thought Darya was done with me, well at least I can do what I like. I think about how when you’re with a girl it’s always what she wants. Because of that puss. But of course it’s more than that, we want to be loved. Good luck. Seems like it’s just too much to ask with most girls.

That’s why I see the Daddy thing now, Daddy will take you somewhere fun, daddy will buy you a happy meal, daddy will take you go toilet when you want to go pee pee.

I don’t know what else there is. No one cares about your music, and so what do I do? You do what you feel like. What is that? You go somewhere else. I like Bangkok and Minsk because you can get a date, Belgrade well maybe, just for the food, I kind of like to go somewhere I know, because I might get settled and focused, and . . .

I don’t know. I think it’s like Vietnam, when I felt like I should have just stayed at home and worked through shit, and even last night when I found myself getting mad about the websites, but then I was inspired by it. Work through it, climb the mountain to see what’s on the other side.

Another mountain, and what? No one cares. Paste all the bits of paper to a board and film it and double expose it over shots of you looking pensive on your farm and ask what it means. Think of Darya.

Nothings really changed, you’re still using art to make sense of what you are struggling to understand. You put it all on the line for a woman and it’s not enough, she takes and takes she gives back if she feels like it. I don’t like it and I’m not sure I want to play this game.

You’re supposed to not care, you’re supposed to act like everything is natural. Think of what Darya said, if I want to talk online, I’ll talk to my girlfriends. All she is doing is reflecting a problem deeper in me, that I don’t feel understood, that as always, I am happy to fail on my own terms than dilute my vision by compromise, by agreeing with what others feel.

Seb says he has what Aucklanders don’t. John says hot girls are going to be in the front row. I know it’s all bullshit, why indulge your mind in such fucking tripe. I can’t do it, just like the wall st. playboys say, I just smile and nod.

I again say, I have to keep reaching. There are times when I’m just squeezing the shit out some of the knowledge I’ve gained, like when I was on the plane last time – and BOOM out pops a nugget.

I just kept saying I don’t need that much money. I just need to spend the money online and I’ll get people, now I realise I only need one family to do it all.

It’s as I was saying last night I need to smash through the archiving and content to catch up to where I am. So I can make statements, so I can create content that’s resonant with where I am now.

I can’t do that because I’ve got a hard drive full of crap and a barn full of crap I don’t get, I don’t understand, I looked at it and I couldn’t understand it. What happened to all the gigs, to Grey Lynn, to all the parties?

It used to mean something, and that’s all we really had, but it was long ago . . . it’s all gone now . . .

Is it now all just going to end up a barn full of crap that gets forgotten? Yes. So live your life.

But this is what it comes back to, what do mean, live your life? Go to Bangkok and go to Belgrade and go to the market and then come home and write your blog and wonder why it you could be something if you wanted to but what’s the point if you’re just trying to impress some chick and all they’re interested in and impressed by is bullshit?

So you’re always on a long loop back round to becoming full of shit just to impress some chick. Working your guts out just to keep some chick happy.

I will go back to Minsk, of course I will.

It’s again that feeling that the travel doesn’t matter, the girls do. You go somewhere else, what are you doing there? You stay on the farm you feel like you’re not following your goal.

But you found a girl.

By continuing to review the plan, I am able to see the blind spots and how it should fit together.

When can I start advertising the place? ASAP. It doesn’t mean I need to accept anybody. The issue is having someone come who wants the accommodation supplement, and saying look, I can only give you $200 worth. For a couple with kids that puts them on about $520. But if you’re willing to say you’ve split up, she can get $470, and you can get $215, $685. When I leave I can put you on $350, but that’s still less money.

This gives me leverage to put the rent to $320 since I’m taking a risk to help them out. There is no need to mention the weed until things are settling in. But there’s also no reason I can’t be straight up and say that I am preparing for a law change, for the referendum, and potential business opportunities, the whole “business opportunities” thing is how I will be framing it.

Then I can move on to saying you can grow weed but I don’t want any risk coming back on me, so I will help you grow it and sell it because I enjoy it, but I expect you to pay more rent or the full power bill, and take full responsibility as well as full profits, because I just want you to make money to pay your rent, without taking any stupid risks.

It’s at this point I can tell them they will be able to rent out the sleep out also when I’m not here, and do the motor homes, and so I want $400 when that is all happening.

So we need a table here.

$320: accommodation supplement
$320 + power: organics and weed starting
$350 + power: organics and weed hitting
$400 + power: sleep out and motor homes winter
$450 + power: sleep out, motor homes, barn, all year.

What I’m seeing here is that I again, don’t have to push things too much, because I am not taking a huge cut, if they’re paying $400 a week and selling some weed, and getting some airbnb and motor homes, and doing a market stall and that’s making them $400 so that they have their full $550 dole to spend.

Then I say, rent the sleep out out full time, and give me $450, you’ll have another $80, so now you’ve got an extra $30.

What really starts to happen is that my only game is making sure they pay their rent, so I don’t help out really that much, there’s no incentive. It’s like Darya, I can’t provide the solution for these people, I can only fix their problems, in order to be seen to be the guy who fixes their problems.

It’s really a power law that embraces working smarter, trying to squeeze doesn’t work. Make sure they pay their rent, and grease all the wheels. If the business isn’t firing it isn’t really my problem, they would have to be majorly incapable if they couldn’t achieve much with both me and my dad helping them out.

And the fact if it’s a couple, they should be fairly capable of handling a decent amount of work. Now what if I had to sell all the weed for them, because they were willing to work, but had no clue about the actual business? Well I guess it would be possible. This would allow me to profit of course, but it would likely become a drag since again, I’m just not around to deal with it.

But what if you get somebody who just wants to pay the rent and requires little else? Maybe they want the sleep out too?

Well then, I will be the one to make $80 from an extra guy, and a few grand from weed and motor homes, simple.

But then my dad is locked out for winter, but he’s not really required to do long stretches there, and I can see now, doing this work, is what it is all about, I won’t be doing much else, because there’s not much else to do.

construction and farming type activity. Make the barn and the first cabin set up a bearable place to exist. Or don’t, and sit there feeling that it’s unbearable, until you do something.

***

So if someone comes in february and it seems like it’s the right fit, because they’re not interfering with my dole, you just need to make sure you’ve made a lot of progress, that the storage shed and the cabin are near done, and the barn is also had most of the work done, hopefully the toilet.

The cd archive is done obviously and once the storage shed is done, or the cabin or whatever, whatever in the barn, start deconstructing, start this process, start pushing it through.

A lot of the digital archiving can once again be completed on your next trip, the main thing is not to need to take the big 3gb thing. We want to be on top of the website situation, which is mainly like the trading, slowly making decisions about sites moving forward and being chopped off, until it’s clean and manageable.

I want to do another 6acwave.

New Global Hustle.

I can’t help but think a lot of these digital media sites just have to be sold, or flushed, or something. End it, it’s like the trading, it’s going nowhere.

You need to see into your future to see the point where this will rejoin, will it rejoin? I’m not involved in that shit any more. I think this is the process you have to face, staring back into your past and looking at what the dreams were and seeing that they don’t matter no more.

You’re not going to be doing no graphic design, or youtube promotion.

Yes you will do some online promotion, but that’s for connections you’re making going forward elsewhere, so maybe it is worth keeping a few of these as business card type “demo” sites, because when the whole farm thing reaches it’s limits you’re going to be sitting down with businesses you come across and doing promotion.

websites, blogging, videos, email lists, social media, landing pages, it’s still all the same stuff.

You have to keep thrashing it out to figure out what it really is that you’re doing.

This is what we know. It doesn’t take a lot of money to be happy, I was living on $200 per week in vietnam and belgrade, it was okay, I had my own place, I was eating well, I was getting around, I saw some sights.

What is it that you really need? It’s only for Darya, and you know now, you just have to have some money so if she needs a taxi, if she wants something to eat, if she wants to try something, these things aren’t expensive.

My agitation over this is good, it means we need not be bored that there’s nothing left to resolve.

Have we not resolved this question? Is $50k not enough?

Of course it is, and it’s enough to hang on to a few websites a little while longer while you think it all through. This is what I realised with superfarm and motor home hub – this is what life is, you get an idea, you try it out, if the shoe fits, great, if not forget it.

Didn’t you see what happened? You decided in the end that kurb promotions still had value.

But a few of these can go, a few girly sites, the graphic design stuff, but also if you’re not sure, don’t make a decision. Just be aware, no decision is also a decision, and it all needs to be resolved, you need to chase the freedom of knowing what not to care about.

I feel the knowledge surging again, realising that Darya is like a child also, she doesn’t care about the solution, she gets tired, she gets hungry, she gets bored. That’s what daddy is there for.

You realised that you can have fun being with her, but you will never have an adventure like you’ve had unless you’re alone, so embrace it, because it’s fun. This is life, you would never have had these adventures if you were the sort of guy who always needed a girlfriend or a friend to do things with.

Somehow these threads connect.

You don’t need a lot of money. You don’t need an email list. You just need to start connecting. In order to connect you need to refine your message, to refine your message, you need to reflect on all the things you’ve learnt.

You need to write a lot to realise what you do and don’t care about, and see this.

Then you communicate a clearer message.

My thoughts on the plane made me feel like I was getting somewhere.

Watching everyone around me, some old guy playing backgammon, everyone watching some movie, mindless entertainment, I tried to watch a movie, but it bored me.

I was getting somewhere because I wasn’t, all I was doing was just hammering the same shit over and over again, my mind was like hammering away at the same shit, how am I going to make my farm work, how am I going to get my money right for Darya.

My beautiful Darya, genetically and culturally refined for wifing, my treasure, I have discovered from my adventures abroad.

Get my money right for Darya, and just impregnate her remorselessly because it doesn’t matter nothing matters but forever, we spawn, and respawn, prisoner to our genes, happy to submit.

Find what you love and let it kill you, I love myself, I love being me, I want to live forever and I know how, there is a right way to live.

But none of that matters, what matters is those hammer strikes, each meaningless blow that feels like endless, mindless repetition, obsession, slowly it is getting somewhere.

Realising when I got to bangkok, it’s just wet and smelly and dirty and Darya doesn’t want this, but fuck Darya, she’s not the puzzle, she’s just a piece – an important piece – but just a piece, making her happy is not the whole game, it’s just one big move of many, one part of a bigger picture.

I kept on going at it, how was I going to get more money, but why do I need it???

Because Darya wants . . . what? She doesn’t even understand what she wants, she doesn’t get it yet.

She wants to go to the seychelles. Fine! No problem. Then she wants something else and something else. That’s what she wants.

She doesn’t want stinky bangkok. She’s not at the place that me and all the westerners here are at.

This is where the hammer began to fall as I struck and struck again.

How am I going to make my farm work? How are you going to get those tenants?

Blogging hard, hitting hard, hitting content concepts hard. Actions implemented linked to arguments, advertising, email lists, internet marketing.

You only need 4 or 5 tenants in as many years. What will you do once the facilities are ready and you have all the tenants, how will you make money?

But what do I need the money for?

When I got to bangkok I had a massive mission to get to the hotel, I was okay on the trains, but the last km with my case was murderous, it was raining, and then I had 3 hours before I could check in, so I hauled those laptops around steaming and sloshing

I just keep thinking, what do I need the money for? To keep Darya happy? What if that doesn’t involve that much?

There’s some kind of knowledge I’m gaining that can be triangulated.

The farm can make enough money so I can keep Darya happy but it means I can’t live there much.

Why not? Because Darya wants to stay in Minsk and freeze her ass off, and why specifically do I want to come back to NZ? Because of the dole? Well yes, and I can’t afford to live overseas longer.

Well actually, I can, but I can’t visit Minsk any longer, and I really can’t develop my farm.

What if I got a visa to minsk so I could stay longer? What am I doing in Minsk? Yes Darya is important, but I can’t sit round fiddling about waiting for her to sort herself out.

There is something here I am stretching to grasp but I just can’t make it.

That it’s not going to take that much work to meet my income needs, then what? The farm is full of all types of these dudes, so I gotta move on to elsewhere where I can get on my own vibe.

Now I’m starting to get it. Fill the house with these old boys or whatever, collect $15k, now I’ve got my own problems, but they’re mine to deal with, and I’ve got income.

I can easily make the income. I don’t need that much. I don’t need to provide for Darya more than the minimum until she’s ready to commit to my agenda, which she isn’t. This frees me up.

Why is this such a good idea? Because it fast tracks the rental situation to me having 3 guys asap, while having the opportunity to get most of the work that needs doing done, so I can turn it inside out as soon as the time comes. This plan has you spending 6 months doing nothing, no money to earn,

You’re just going to do whatever, all these archive situations are going to get churned out.

You can keep writing blogs if you like, but this is the very point, once you’ve got the people there, all you need to do is flip them to the outside, and carry on from there.

You don’t really even have to do the motor home thing.

But now I’ve come up with a strategy.

Get 3 in the house, flip them to the outside, build cabins for the motor homes, and storage, and make the barn their common space with two bathrooms, then you switch to the focus being the business hub – organics, food co-op, markets with my personal emphasis being on online business services.

I think I discussed the structure of the food co-op, the food is there to be eaten, but all profits return to improvements to facilities enjoyed and most likely voted for by all residents.

Residents would trade with visitors for like market value, what isn’t sold, is eaten. what can’t be eaten is taken on consignment and has to be returned unsold, otherwise there would have to be a commission of 20% I should imagine.

So I enjoy the capital gains and maintenance there, and also develop my online business service offerings.

So basically what this means is that is the whole plan.

There will be 3 permanent residents, if visitors become more permanent, it doesn’t worry me, if we start to have more than 3 visitors at a time, it simply means the price is too low and has to go up.

I will do my trading and develop the motor home hub as increasingly emphasizing the business and trading hub promoting the food co-op, my storage facilities and my consultancy, if the weed growing is sustainable as a business I will fold it into the co-op.

The cost of the accommodation will keep pace with inflation and have it’s own market pressure.

The trading will develop at it’s own pace. When I am travelling I work on trading, and the motor home hub, and my consultancy clients.

As long as it continues successfully I will not need the dole, and kurb will not make a profit because all revenue from rentals and accommodation will be spent on overseas expenses, equipment, vehicles and operating expenses.

Darya will have income from her apartment, and she can go into the dole office and show them her husband does not pass the income threshold because he owns a farm that makes no money and she is supporting these kids.

AND THAT’S IT. that’s all. NO NEW PLANS.

$11k = 30 x $350
$6k = bills and tools
$8k = flights
$11k = 22 x $500

$36k

I think it’s best not to claim the dole in case they say you are receiving rent money, and you’re spending it on overseas travel. But I will say that my company receives the money and makes very little due to legitimate travel expenses. And they will get sniffy and discover you have cash assets and are not entitled. End of.

You might be able to transfer the cash to the business. I mean technically that seems okay, we’re still only going to be talking about . . . well a bunch would go into daryas apartment, so I think you’d actually be okay.

You’d have to check it out, and over time, just start to be more careful.

The point is, you have your plan, and it appears that it generates $14k surplus, which can be used for Darya’s apartment, then you are saving for your land, which suggests you would pay some tax, get the loan, buy the land, and jump back on the dole because you have a mortgage, therefore entitling you to accommodation supplement.

Maybe. Anyway. You have your plan.

– get 3 people in the house, live outside
– flip them outside, build the motor home hub and storage
– build the business hub consultancy and food co-op

THAT’S IT.

It’s kind of insane to have the whole vision laid out. All we need to do is keep heading toward it. We’re not thinking about Minsk. We’re not stealing pot plants. The markets and the van run are there but that’s not my focus, that comes alongside through others.

Because we know what the vision is, we can invest confidently.

I guess I’m just taking a moment to see how this came together.

I knew the income was enough. I knew it could be achieved. I knew I needed a different strategy for darya. I knew I needed something I could hammer at online.

***

Now I realise I can rent the whole house out again, $300pw, I can be there til mid april again, 28 weeks, save $5600 plus kurb, trading and weed, lets say it’s only $4400, spend $5k for bills and flights and then have $400 a week for spending and an extra $5k. MINT.

That would be so mint, because it’s only the weeks I’m with darya that I need $400. I would be saving money most of the time, plus I have a big slush fund,

The plan I’ve got, I will have 6 months to get ready and likely only a few weeks overlap where I’m living in the sleep out.

I will likely head to bangkok for a week, and then to turkey for some time, and meet darya where she likes, maybe greece,

What is dawning on me is again, how little internet stuff there is to do. Yes I need to do the set up for the superfarm, but what if a family moves in the house and that’s the end of that?

They move out of the house and into the barn, and I add a cabin to the barn and charge them $170, then I rent out the sleep out sector for $70, and with my dad, I’m getting my $300 and I don’t even need another spot.

I should still be collecting $350 when I get back, maybe for some months until darya arrives, that’s an extra $70 p/week over what we’re predicting to collect.

But the point is there’s no need to promote the superfarm because I’m already making my collect.

It might 2 years until darya is there for any length of time and the families move out is considered permanent, but is still only half the year. This allows me to charge them the old rate I was charging, over winter.

They do 6 months in the barn at $170 but I put them back on $290 in winter, making their average rate $230. This means my dad can work on the barn each winter, and maybe take the sleep out permanently.

What this means is the barn is available for airbnb and motor homers all through winter. But what about summer? Motor homers want to park up, and there’s a family in the barn.

We just have to shift emphasis off the barn in summer. but this can be done around the SW side in my nook, and the garage. But my dad can free up the sleep out area in summer to make it available.

What I am really reaching for here is that if I can get a family in, then I never really have to reach for more than one extra person, and a few airbnb and motorhome people.

I don’t really actually have to push the superfarm or motorhome thing that hard, just kind of diddle it up, and have it poised.

We only need 1 superfarm guy and 1 motorhome guy to go permanent – or 2 of either – and we’re done. What it all revolves around is putting an ad on trademe for the whole place,

This is when I realised, if I found the right family, the right guy, he could grow the weed. What have I got to lose? My plants will get ripped? I will get busted? For what? This means I can say, look man, you can’t have visitors, you just can’t.

But there’s plenty to this. I can ask for a tax of one ounce a month, but better yet, I take 50% of everything I sell. So if I can move 10 ounces for $400, there’s my $2k. Then I set him up with a storage shed with a clear roof, so he can do his thing in summer.

Then I say he has to pay the power bill, while he is in the house, and I will pay the internet, and my dad will pay a flat rate. That will reduce my bills to like $80 a week.

My strategy would be going for a horticulturist, someone really into organics, and then slowly saying, well there’s something else you could grow. Now it just occurs to me how to manage it – just ask for more rent.

$50p/week and I will even help you grow it and sell it.

***

This seems dicey but a really strong solution to all my problems, which means I know exactly what I’m going after.

A family or another group who I can set up my farm as their home and an income, the whole idea is I make them take all the risks and basically support them fully.

This includes the accommodation and the farm, maybe even including the motor homes also.

If you’ve got a couple with one child, and she is getting sole parent plus accommodation supplement at sandringham and he is getting just the straight dole, they are getting $700. If they’re also selling an ounce a week, that’s $300. If they’re doing airbnb in the sleep out in winter and the office, another $40 a week, caravans and motor homes $15p/night and the markets for $200, income could be $1250.

I’m justified to charge $400, not least because I am actually lending a hand to get things going.

It would be hard to make them pay $400 off the bat, so I would be saying, $350 to start, and when you start selling weed, getting airbnb’s and motor homes in, I’m putting it to $400.

Then I am attempting to allow one more person to stay.

The way I see it, for the 18 weeks I’m in the house I should be able to airbnb the sleep out and office, and do the motor homes, but just for a couple of grand extra? Forget it.

But this would also include the barn in winter?

To me it makes sense to let my dad have the barn in winter permanently but if I want to get in one more person where will they go?

It seems to me that maybe it is better that when I have the house I get airbnb from the sleep out, the office, and in winter, the barn. No again it’s too confusing.

When the last permanent person comes, I tell them, the rent should go up, least of all because you’re getting $70-80 per week solid now.

Before, you were getting income from the office, the sleep out, the motor homes, and paying $400, now your extra income is just the office and the motor homes, but you’re paying $370, which means technically you’re only paying $270 in the barn. And I get the barn airbnb in winter.

The concept revolves around a basic idea of soft capitalism, you get a man tied to his family, and you have a reliable worker. a reliable worker who is on the job, is all I need.

There is a lot to work out, a lot to balance, but they are details.

The huge thing for me is that there really is nothing to do, but to nudge my ideas along and make life easy for my little sim family. I won’t be suffering that much in the sleep out, I won’t be there that much. Yes I will likely struggle with my focus, but I won’t be struggling with my money any more.