Yeah, people tell me I think too much.
People point this out to me. My friends. What, I worry a lot?
To me, I have high standards. I want to fix problems, I just don’t always understand them. Existance is complex.
Y’know, I want to manifest myself musically with a completeness and focus. Some people would tell me to harden up and just get on with it.
My friends are helpful though. They will point out that I sometimes I could be perceived as a little indulgent.
Oh so I’m having a mental breakdown, yeah? What because I don’t have enough money yet? What because, while I’ve been so worried about my portfolio, I’m devastated that I haven’t emerged from some chrysalis like a worm on the drum’n bass scene transforming into some superstar and scene champion?
That’s too bad.
Maybe I need to stop being a little princess and harden up. My friends would be quick to examine what I’m complaining about.
All the work and commitment it takes as a promoter now that I play in decent clubs and people tend to show up whether we promote the gig hard or not?
Maybe the real solution is to go back to playing shitty clubs that you have to bust all over just to get a few people into. And you have to set the party up, it’s not like the decent clubs where you just have to walk in, play and then leave again.
Oh but it’s so much stress. What stressful playing to a decent crowd, a ramping dancefloor? Stressful having to practiceso you actually feel worthy of your position, knowing how many DJ’s would love to be the ones getting all the attention?
Maybe I should just not practice at all, or really, just go back to using really sub standard equipment, so as soon as I’m under pressure in the club, I’ll have no idea what I’m doing.
Great look for the crowd to when you’re bringing a unique vibe of awkwardness and paralysing anxiety to the decks.
Yup it was only as recently as 2007 that even after 5 years playing and promoting gigs, touring, being a DJ, I was still a mediocre DJ at best who would undountedly put a full 40 hour week in cumulative total into preparing for a one off event at whatever club would give us a shot.
I do need to harden up and look at the opportunities I have and get into them, rather than complaining about it.
But this is me we’re talking about. I’m not simply going to put these issues to bed. I’m responsive. I’m sensitive. I’m aware of stuff.
There are opportunities to make things better.
I know it’s time to harden up and get on with it. Get on with what exactly?
Well, writing this blog is not working on the new tracks that I need to be putting up, that’s one thing to be said.
I need to harden up and get on with it, sure, but right now, I need to write this dumb blog.
Maybe I think to much. But once I’ve thought it thorugh I’ll know exactly what I’m doing.
