Alright so I said I had what I perceived to be a busy weekend.
Mainly doing a couple of pirate parties, and the weather was great, and I did not chase any girls or have any adventures. I’m starved.
I will talk about the music next but honestly, I swear, I don’t feel like a real artist if I don’t act impulsively and intuitively, that’s my flow.
I’ve willfully isolated myself, I’m sick of the fact there’s so few people around who are inspiring. I know that I have to be responsible for creating my own adventure, not getting tied up in the same storyline.
I am the author of my destiny!
But I did get a text from a particular girl who is pretty good, and that was great. That made me realise that half the ideas I’ve been having at the back of my mind aren’t so dumb – I mean I’m sure if I did have one or two around I’d be a lot happier.
That’s what I ask myself when I’m pent up about some petty nonsense, or why I trap myself, what am i really angry about?
I know I make great money, and I can be proud of my art. Where are the girls?
The weird thing was I just heard a girl I was fully serious about some years back was back permanently and I kind of had a pang of pride wanting to show her I’d made good.
But why? I don’t want her back. But this girl was before myspace, and just recognising that shows how much I’ve changed. Years ago I was that guy who just wanted a girlfriend, but now y’know if I am going to be with just one girl she’s gonna have to pretty incredible.
That’s why I talk about a hunger for adventure. I don’t want to just sleep with lots of girls. I don’t want to just catch a whole bunch of planes all here and there. It’s about the people and the experience, that’s what I hunger for.
That’s life.
And as Don Draper says, there’s always opportunities.
I’m just airing this out because I can see, I sorted out my money, I’m reaching a peace with my art where I’m working out how it will be, and I just can’t sit here knowing there’s a possibility of something amazing happening. An amazing narrative and characters, because that is my art.
I don’t want to miss that.
That’s what stresses me out in traffic or makes me rue the pirate party. Am I supposed to be here? Did I want this? Is what I want just some dumb movie?
That’s the metaphor the pirate party serves. I know I can just get up and go do that party and get paid and go home. Except I’m too concerned about it.
When can I relax and feel as if it’s under control so I can make way for the experience and understanding that’s truly going to set off my mind?
I dunno I need to be more content with my lifestyle. Either that or I’m whinging about having to do hard work. Whether business or art or working hard on just trying to have a good time, it’s all hard work.
Who I am, is hard work.
