Pretty full on weekend, well not really, but it seemed like it.
I had to get up both mornings to play pirates which kind of prevented me from getting into too much trouble and also got me out of bed a little earlier than I’m used to, giving me a chance to appreciate that summer is on it’s way with a weekend of great weather.
Good weather means good times, summery sounds, and a whole lot of hi how ya doing and I was instantly struck that there’s no way I should be sitting around squirreled away on projects this summer and I need to be getting with where it’s at.
I need to play it out, and no longer is it the time to be concerned about the bigger picture and plodding along. Not this year, it’s not that I’m sick of the endless not quite and the ongoing retouching, but I gotta accept that . . .
Well, that’s why the hell I write this for right now, I gotta understand more deeply what it is that I want.
I don’t want to spend another summer feeling like I’m not quite rich enough or my tunes aren’t quite good enough for me to . . . it’s not about “enjoying myself” more. I enjoy myself plenty alright, and it’s not about the trophy party, to brag about how much I was “enjoying myself”, it’s about being more inside the adventure.
That’s a real part of my art, I know that the city is an adventure full of possibilities and I long to embrace it.
That’s what myspace was like, it was adventurous and I was in the routine of it, I want to get back into the routine of having an adventurous lifestyle without sacrificing the forward momentum of my business and my music if at all possible.
Definitely appreciating I need to be rolling in a new ride with good sounds bumping and being disposed toward where the vibes are at, not locked into some dilemma about what I’m supposed to be doing and why I’m not where I want to be with my music or business. What does that really matter as long as it moves forward at it’s own pace and day to day, you feel like somethings going on, real life is happening to you?
Well then what am I doing turning up dressed as a pirate to a kid’s pirate birthday party?
What am I thinking, how does this work into my plans?
Being a pirate in itself is an adventure, it’s a real adventure that I do this, even though the initial buzz I got out of pushing out of my comfort zone and getting back into pirate birthday parties is over, I’ve got to remember that relatively, it’s something special.
It’s something different, it’s interesting, it’s good, and let’s not forget to note that the money is pretty good also.
Doing something good and pushing through and having fun with the kids and getting paid is “enjoying myself”, getting pissed and staring at a bunch of chicks I don’t have the balls to talk to . . . isn’t.
Well it did get me out of bed, and I’m still pushing toward that time when it’s just going to absolutely be no thing at all to turn up at a kids party, do my pirate thing without even blinking, which I was able to do, the main problem being I didn’t really want to push it by going out the night before and I did end up sitting in my bed kind of counting down the hours ruefully.
Because my time and my plans end up constructed around this shit.
To me I think it’s a matter of doing it over and over again until I realise I am a natural and I don’t have to worry about anything going wrong because at this point I’m getting out of bed, spending 10 minutes getting ready, grabbing a coffee and just doing it and so far, going great. I don’t really know what I expect to do wrong.
As I say, I just hope as I develop the ability to wing it and not let any of these concocted expectations trouble me, fairly soon I’ll be doing parties every weekend and not letting it interfere with my plans.
What those plans exactly are I’m still thinking on, but one things for sure, if there’s gonna be that good weather, it means I want to be rolling in my ride with the girls and chilling out, that’s where I want to be getting, not troubling myself over some business affairs or some art aspiration that’s going to fall short.
Next up gonna talk some more about my weekend plans in regards to the music and understanding what I want and can expect.
