Let me just leave you with this:
Yeah I gotta get outta here I gotta get my vibe on. I need a little faith in myself here that when I’m in a good space with my business all trotting along then I can sort my art out.
I can’t just run out on myself, unfortunately, I won’t feel like there’s any point if all this kind of creative stuff becomes negotiable.
Oh, y’know, don’t wanna do drum and bass and youtube, too hard. Y’know? Forget that. Whatever. But if I’m not prepared to be not that good than I’ll never get anywhere waiting around, I gotta get with it like dojo inspectors except well yeah – perfect the execution, rinse and repeat.
Yeah this office is a joke, and god knows how much of my music is still intact on my hard drives – is still y’know around so I can release it as something decent or just languishes as a crap sounding mp3 at the back of my website, forget that, I want to write some good music, I mean, re uh imagine . . . reimagine that stuff.
There was some good stuff, dozens of songs that will just form one great chain when I’m done.
What I mean is like, I spent all these years making beats, and I made so many damn songs and most of them are not that bad, they just all soiund crappily produced, with a bit of a buzz on there’s over 100 songs there to take back and do something with.
Not a big deal, but just pulling this out and going well. releasing this tune, it’s a brush up of something I wrote half a decade ago, you can hear the original for a laugh. Haha used to be a crappy producer, but hey, oh wow, ideas can grow.
And that becomes systems I can revisit and mash and remix and rereimagine as real performance. Real ideas, expressions, y’know stories! Old stories, new stories. Special commentary. Bonus feature.
So gotta get out and get myself a decent pad, and business can do what it does, and man up and face the camera, and sit down and lock up the vibe so I can get some serious tunes rolling out.
But it’s too late. Yeah sure, I love it, I love this as part of the narrative, this whole it’s too late vibe, in fact that may be a mini theme that I can play with, it’s a wall to bounce off . . . well it’s too late anyway so what does any of this matter.
It’s ironic. That’s what it is. Not clever smug irony but uh y’know, a different type.
I’m too old, I’m a crappy producer, I’m not funny or cool, I’m too worried about money and I’m not really in it, I may as well give up.
I love it! Good night.
