Alright alright.
Now I think it’s time to get a bit more ramping on the romantech blog, because y’know, despite the inevitable bumps along the road, I run a pretty good operation in my business, and I dunno if I need ask for anything more. I will , of course, but I’m coming to a point whre it’s like . . . well, I make good money.
So . . . what’s next? Well music of course, a journey to the deepest depths of my personal experience and all that. Really deep and stuff.
The other thing of course is chasing girls around, which wasn’t something I really wanted to dig over too much, but honestly – and honesty is what you want right?
I’m just a youngish single guy with his game pretty much together in business, I make music and I would think that I am a deep thinker, I think relatively, that’s safe to assume.
bUT i ALSO THINK IT’S IMPORTANT IN LIFE TO KN – what? whoops! – to *ahem* – to know what you want.
If you don’t know what you want then how can you go for it. But the problem I see and have experienced is you get distracted from what you want.
If someone said to me would you rather have a bunch of great girls on the go, or be a big wheel in Auckland’s Drum’n Bass scene, I think you know what I’d say.
Girls are awesome. I understand that part of that comes from a scarcity mindset, that most of my life I’ve made choices to support my business and my music and I kind of carry this vibe like I could have done a lot better with the ladies- myspace is responsible for that of course – when I suddenly discovered all this stuff about getting girls and had a confidence boost by actually getting a shot with some smoking hotties.
But yeah deep down, I’m like where’s the girls at? There’s an expression, “getting the dog out.” which is kind of about getting all that stuff out, and now that I’ve experienced my first drop in testosterone (TMI?) I guess it’s inevitable that I will settle down, but in the mean time, well I like to chase the ladies!
It’s not an easy thing to discuss because well it’s kind of personal but at the end of the day, this is my narrative, my art, it’s about me, though I guess I really don’t like the idea of family and future family reading that I aspire to chase round lots of girls just because that’s what I wanna do.
That somehow I’m shallow because I like having girls on the go, or secondly, I’m sad and desperate and not much of an artist in terms of social proof because I’m desperate to chase girls.
It does make it a sensitive subject, but I believe that chasing girls is art as much as anything else. I’m not being dishonest – well I’m not always honest about my age – but y’know, I’m not deceitful.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the fact I still have feelings toward Ambrozia, toward Volita, and for some reason I had feelings for Ashley too, but if none of those girls that I feel attraction on a deeper level to are going to play ball (probably BECAUSE I’m attracted to them and they sense it) then I’m going to entertain myself otherwise.
Should I keep my ways to myself? I don’t think so, y’know it’s not just about getting laid, girls are life. Life is a vibe in your heart that wants to be, to find itself, to get there. So it’s a crazy mixed up buzz, I think it’s perfect for art and narrative.
It’s just a matter of whether talking about girls I’m chasing just because I want to is appropriate, I know I am the romantech but is it cheesy to go on about this stuff, internet dating etc.?
As I say I would hate my future wife and kids to be readying this and feel disappointed, like I’m somehow a sleazebag or untrustworthy because I went through periods of going through a few women in a short period.
Maybe they believed a relationship was going to happen. I never lied, I never told them it was the real thing when it wasn’t . . . but wait. This blog was supposed to be about the artistic merit of me discussing how I negotiate my singleness, not a moral assessment where I rationalize my behaviour.
But it does come down to whether this is something I want to be open about, and whether I’m prepared for the consequences, and to what extent should I censor myself?
I’m just being honest, that’s my art. Being an artist is about being bold enough to be judged, even when discussing chasing girls I’m not really . . .
Oh shit.
I just got this frickin hot girl to give me her number. She’s a model with Clyne.
God, Santa, Baby Jesus, whoever, thank you.
