<!– @page { margin: 2cm } P { margin-bottom: 0.21cm } –>
My creativity is bursting up in small starts, I’m not back into writing music yet but I am kid of like uhh yeah well I’m gonna do this Haunted Microscope and my videos and maybe try and start an indie dubstep band nand if I can do all that this year that’ll be all good.
It doesn’t seem that hard any more I just gotta psyche up for it and open the mystic triangle.
The celestial eye or whatever y’know like zen or whatever it is. It’s all about the vibe in the space, I’m not quite sure on the details but when you are able to mellow and centre heavily – well, I’m going to tip out musical compositions, that’s what I do. So I’ve laid that egg, I just need to hatch it, I’m sure I’ll get on it any day.
But often I feel like soulless and lifeless like I don’t really want to, it’s more pronounced than ever. Part of me thinks I’m just on some buzz that I’ll recover from, especially because I suprise myself, I get these creative bursts, now I just have to step them up into action, to a new level of action, for me. I think it’s coming because I know ultimately if you don’t create you may as well just die.
And I’m like . . . am I going to die? Am I gonna run out of juice and just linger?
I don’t see the point of not trying to express, that’s why it’s a weird mood, maybe I’m just charging up. Lucky all my old ideas are mostly the same, and what’s more I’m like, do I need to make even more money?
What’s the point? I make good money, why do I need more, just to be a dickhead? Just to run and hide and say I can’t be bothered being who I really am? Y’know?
Is who I really am some rich dick? Or is it honestly time to go, well um, that’s enough money, so I won’t be on the street, so can’t I get on my buzz now?
I don’t care, any more. It’s not about being in Pavement and being on 95bfm and being some cool kid around town, that’s for kids!!! I just wanna do my thing naturally. My art!! I don’t want to play some bullshit gig, I want to film my self trying to tell a story. I’m a business guy, I dress up as a pirate, I make beats, whatever.
You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t know anybody. Who cares, I’m happy where I am. I realised that I’d rather just be happy doing what I want to do, even if it is shitty. I’m a business man afterall.
I just don’t seee the point in more money than I need. Once I had all these ideas and they’ve matured, maybe not all worked up about it but they’re still there.
All I need is a fridge, for my butter and milk and that. After that, it’s about art.
Maybe I will go after it. Maybe if I sit here it won’t come to me, I have to go out after it . . .
