Just been having a bit of a funny old freak out over potentially lost Reality Compound and Short Circuit material.
There were a lot of problems along the road with losing footage, tapes going missing, computers, hard drives stolen, negligence, whatever . . . so what I have left is very skant as it is.
It really wasn’t that much of a big deal I guess but when someone remarks or reacts to my video stuff, I kind of respond by feeling a sense of wasted opportunity, which is not really something I can hang onto if I want to move forward, because I want to go to a bigger place, step up to a new level with it now, and I can’t be getting all excited just because somebody said they liked my video.
Creatively I have to push on, and push through.
But I have to be coming from somewhere too, I can’t just pop up out of nowhere at this stage without any evidence of the journey that brought me to this place I’m at now, because everything that happened with Romantech and Reality Compound and Myspace is all part of the story.
It’s not about reaching back to the past – but it’s about a series, a continuum, a story that has depth and background.
But when it comes to putting together the pieces of the puzzle, it gets me concerned creatively, how am I going to bring this together?
How am I going to communicate that important precursor, prestory, preface . . . this is like the Hobbit to the Lord of the Rings, I’ve got to be able to paint a picture of how it was and what happened before.
All the old vibes are dead aside from me still walking around carrying them with me, all that stuff happened years ago, but I wanted that to be part of the story, that I left Reality Compound behind to be the Kurb business guy, but still the vibe calls me back, and tells me there’s no point in being some rich guy and just letting go of everything that was once important.
And all those old storylines are waiting to be rediscovered, except, no one will remember, no one will care anymore, so that’s why I need as much evidence from the past as possible, to paint out that side of the story.
I mean the whole idea about Reality Compound is a story that is happening, that is unfolding – but I want that rich past to help me to define that. I guess that’s just part of the creative challenge, and it’s nowhere near as challenging as what I have to do now to bring myself back to the level I once was and then go beyond it so that people might care where it all came from.
I guess that’s the way I have to face it and deal with it, if there’s nothing to tell the story for me, I have to tell it – I have to bring it to life, documentary style, or kind of like a Lost thing where you see glimpses of the past that fill in certain narrative themes for the audience.
It’s not about what happened in the past – I mean there’s some really interesting stuff there about how I arrived at where I am now, but it’s what happens next, about my rediscovery of my purpose there, that is the story I’m now telling.
But in the story it is very much about relating to the past, but at the same time there’s no reason we can’t have new adventures, while introducing old characters, it’s very much about the tone of the narrative.
I guess even if I am freaked out that I have lost even more of the past, so it creates the incentive to recreate it to bring my story forward again.
Remember that even the original Reality Compound had a back story, which was loosely based on reality.
And now the new Reality Compound has a back story too.
But I guess whatever happens, in whatever ways I fail – including if I fail to bring “the way it was” to life – Reality Compound is the story of the little guy who wants to be a big deal, and we’ve all been growing up hanging onto these dreams, failure and humiliation, and then the redemption and resolution that follows is all part of the story.
If I fail to present the backstory then that’s just another failure, but a failure to embrace – as part of the new story, whatever the new story will be, because that’s what I have to worry about first.
“And in the meantime we try . . . try to forget that nothing lasts forever . . .
funny how it all falls away . . .”
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