Safe Progress

by Matt Romantech on July 15, 2017

I am slowly seeing I can move forward again, it is safe to come out.

I look in the mirror and my skin looks like shit. But I have not put on much weight and it’s true, as I’ve gotten older I’ve lost the puppy fat off my face and my facial structure look good compared to all the other guys my age who’s faces begin to blob out, I can’t get how many dudes I see online with their blobby faces.

I just have bad skin from a bad diet and laugh lines. Maybe some people can eat a normal diet and possibly have other symptoms, I mainly get bad skin, dandruff, a bad rash – can you see that even though I have indestructible teeth and am generally in very good health I have skin problems as well respiratory issues, everybody has different issues.

I just can’t really eat a normal diet with sugar and carbs and oily cheese without getting bad skin.

As soon as I start training again I should see improvements, but I am getting old and I can’t avoid that. Although, it’s clear some targeted botox could smudge out a lot of lines I’ve had for years, I’d like to see the result and whether it makes a big difference because my skin isn’t old, it’s more just blotchy and pasty and greasy and flaky and just generally not good everywhere.

I have to take my minerals and my multi-vitamins for my skin, to give my immune system a chance where it’s been falling down.

Mostly I have to get back on the juice. I have to seriously atone for my accursed ass.

I don’t feel like doing this, I feel I just need to acknowledge that I have done my glasses and now I need to do my tax, and my phone and my luggage. They are the easy ones.

And kiwisaver, data recovery, and insurance. Those are the harder ones. Aside from the kiwisaver and the data recovery we could do the rest in a few days.

My method for the kiwisaver is to:

– take my passport to the bank on monday to get the verified copies – ID and address
– double check with the agent if they can’t make a date in advance or lawyer that I can’t just leave it blank.
– fill in the details

It’s obvious I can’t proceed without the settlement date, so it may go weeks after that. What is important is that I can’t leave until I get the settlement date because I can’t sign the papers until I have the settlement date.

What I need to sort out is the transfer documents, whether I can sign these in advance, and then all I need to do is sign the kiwisaver, transfer the money over to the lawyer or wherever, wait 3 weeks for the kiwisaver and then while I’m overseas the lawyer sends the money and files all the documents. And then I own it.

So sort out the transfer documents and then I can turn to the agents and say I’m just waiting on the date. Can we make a date? I’m set to leave, we have to make a date before I leave, is it still not ready? I’ll have to mail back the declaration.

Then what? I think you just have to pay your tax bill and insurance like you did with the moving truck, you need it sorted, same with the data. Bam $2500. Oh well, that’s how it is, that’s how we’re orientating ourselves now. Luggage, phone, air ticket, $1600, bam.

It’s not so fun to write about this and not very interesting to follow but by writing about it, I feel I disentangle it in my mind, and am prepared for the thing I’m afraid of. Running out of money. Basically the only way I am going to run out of money is if I have a whoopsie with my trading. The only way I’m having a whoopsie is if I start ramping when it’s not warranted.

If I spend another $10k on the trip and $10k on the house, I’m going to only have $48k left. That’s fine. Even if I miss the kiwisaver, that’s like $34k. I can easily live on that 4 two years without touching the trading if things went badly, or simply didn’t really happen at all, like I just couldn’t seem to get to a point where I draw down significantly. Waiting it out like I have been.

***

Having paid the tax, my next task coming up is the luggage and then actually the phone.

Yes the data recovery is important. It’s the important one but think about it, what needs to be done after that? Just the insurance on the house, and then everything is content related.

Now I am finding harder to focus because I am feeling bored for the first time in a very long time. I know what I have to do, I know the process, it seems I have time to do it.

I just need to keep swimming through the aspects that are challenging me.

The property based fantasizing has been tailing off because I realise it will be a year or two until that can all happen and the only thing I need to worry about is my trading.

Let it ride. Trading, training and tunes, and girls. Come back to all of that later. You will be ready to draw on all this work and thought you’ve put into it.

It’s okay to be bored, it’s okay to let it gently move to where it’s going to be, it could be hard getting onto my habits while I’m travelling but let’s just deal with it.

***

I was at the lawyers. I was getting the luggage. I was reading some business magazine, I felt sad that these people all seemed like they had something going on, and I don’t I’m sitting in this damn lawyers office again, nothing ever happens. I get a ticket. I get mad, I get the frustration falling in on me. I run off to buy the luggage to feel in control.

It’s a little more than I hoped, but it doesn’t matter. I just want to feel like I am taking control, I am in control, I am managing.

I feel like maybe I got a bit ahead of myself. I feel I have to do something, to get something, to get right.

It’s the pieces in the puzzle, what do I need to leave home for months? This is where all the writing I’ve done, all the plans I’ve made come back to help me, I have thought so many of these things through. Why did you feel you needed to bring your big screen?

Because that’s all I need. Perhaps I don’t need it and will biff it, but I expect to do a lot of travelling in the next few years and make it a lifestyle. Even if in the end I only use this case for global trips, and transfer to a smaller case in europe, south east asia or south america. But on the flip, if there’s room and no likelihood of me having to carry the thing anywhere at all rather than just wheeling it 10 metres, why wouldn’t I take a nice big case.

I guess it’s nice to have nice things. I see that I have a nice new case and I don’t look like a god damn schlub for once, at least something about me is nice and new, I can see what it could be like to have nice clothes and nice shoes and everything nice and tidy and smart, to look rich and successful, and feel like you’re winning, rather than feeling like a ratty loser who can’t manage all the time.

I packed my belongings into the case, this is what it’s about, the essential question, am I ready to go? I can pack all my belongings into my case, have I got everything I need?

I wanted to fit my screen in my case because I couldn’t imagine I’d need anything else. 2 laptops and a screen, that’s me, I’m set up ready to do what I do – trade and do content. The other thing is really just clothes, because that’s the whole idea, you can’t go jetset and go round looking shabby about it. I got my camera, and my little juicer. What more am I going to need?

Again like the house it is coming back to me, it feels challenging but it’s a challenge to chase a life that could become less challenging. All that stuff, I don’t need it.

My stovetop. lots of nuts, lots of vege smoothies, and try to find bakeries, there’ll be subways, I’ll be on the internet every night while I trade, and settle into writing tunes, finding out what’s around me for food.

Get up, check my trades, go to places nearby for food, come home do training, go for a run to somewhere slightly further away. Take my phone, credit card, a smoothie and twenty euro and just set off, if I see a bus going somewhere that sounds like the place I might want to see, jump on, I can always catch an uber home if I get really lost.

The problem is the busiest trading is 2-6 and that’s when I’d want to be roaming, not in the mid day heat, and still get home in time to go out for food again, but I may have already sussed my way around.

10 – wake up
12 training
1 leave on run about
4ish back – shower – trading
6ish

This is on days I’m not travelling, which is at some points only every second day. Otherwise I just have to check my trading and complete my journey, and possibly be aware of when I will arrive to late to get food. Hopefully I can head out at 6-7 while it’s still light simply to get some food and take a walk.

I guess that’s what it comes down to, how many little walks do you need to go on?

Well in each city you’re in for more than 2 days, you’re going to suss all the food, probably go for a jog around all the gardens and monuments, any attraction I can jog on in, museums, cathedrals, art galleries, castles, etc. well, I will, but if it’s a line of tourists and it’s an tourist minded entry price, well, forget it.

What am I really doing, I’m not trying to meet girls. I’m seeing what it’s like, is it crowded, does it seem easy to get a coffee and grab some transport, are there lots of cute girls around?

I don’t want to see the art gallery or line up for a guided tour of the castle for 10 euro.

I want to see, is this a place I would chill for several weeks, is it nice, is the range of food good, would you meet a girl here, what does your research tell you, when compared to what happens when you’re actually jogging around.

It’s likely in the final week I will be making a list of a few things I’d like to check out. Are there markets or second hand stores and bazaars that could be interesting, is there a local guide like taya who could talk about the nightlife what the girls are into

tallin, riga, minsk, moscow, kiev, odessa, prague, vienna, budapest, belgrade, sofia, bucharest, those are the cities I have at least 2 whole days in,

It’s likely I won’t hit the clubs, but I will simply go out at maybe 11 on friday (the market would have closed) and saturday – again, I just have to feel it out. If I manage to get in and get a drink and the music is good and I have fun, then awesome, I am just not expecting too much.

Maybe it would be better to see if there was a taya type girl willing to take me around the clubs, just so I don’t drift into anything I could easily get tangled in without knowing any russian.

I’m just trying to get the vibe. It is more likely than not I will be returning to a lot of these places, once I have had the opportunity to reflect on what I enjoyed and what I didn’t.

was there weed?
was the food cheap?
were the girls friendly?
are there regular dnb gigs?
was there a good vibe coming from the clubs? lots of girls?

I don’t need any extra special luggage to check this out. I just need to have an outfit you can wear out, that is a jacket and good shoes.

I have a mind to take my running shoes, my hiking boots, and my old dress shoes, each of which could easily be biffed if I found something I liked more. It also means if I buy a new pair of sneakers I can wear my hiking boots or sneakers when I’m travelling – the hiking boots aren’t new which is good. This again sells me taking my old dress shoes. They are smart enough to pass but not so smart I would be worried scuffing them walking around russian clubs at night or just biffing them if it really came down to it.

I would take 2 jumpers as well for a different smart casual look. I got my 2 favourite polos 2 which are nice when it’s warm.

My dark blue shirt, my red shirt, my lil brother shirt, and a black shirt. I also like my pink polo shirt because the collars look good when layered with a jumper or jacket. Lot of shirts, when how often do you think you will be stepping out? It’s as I say, it’s fundamental to the vibe that you dress your best, you’re not working around the house any more, that’s what this is about, you are on the move, you are in the street, and you are where there are hot girls everywhere wanting to meet a glamourous, rich western guy who is still young.

Again I think it’s pretty likely I’ll want to send back some clothes I bought and it’ll cost me $40-50 – but that might be a jacket 2 pairs of shoes and several shirts and t-shirts.

It sounds like I’m rambling but it threads back – I don’t need to worry about what I’m taking, my needs are my technology and my clothing.

To get the ticket booked and the data recovery underway,

It suddenly hits me that the phone is much like the case. It’s not about having the phone or the case, it’s about addressing the problems these are meant to solve.

When I get a new phone bang – airbnb, uber, and tinder. Tinder I see just like the dating agencies – it’s a tool, but I don’t take it seriously. It’s important to work on your profile, having to face the facts that of course russian girls will use tinder, you know your profile has to be strong. But you also have to avoid getting all caught up in it, messaging random girls you’ll never meet or who are just scammers.

I think it is similar to go for a run and having a look at the girls you see – what do you get when you do your swipes? Maybe I will pay for premium, and do hundreds of swipes of all the 8+ girls just to see our matches and if we get genuine hotties on the line. To me it’s all part of the process, if I start talking to some cute girl I matched with in a city I was in weeks ago and for whatever reason we’re still talking, well hey. I won’t be taking her seriously or trying to woo her, it’s just letting the thing do what’s it’s going to do.

If she likes me for some reason, great.

We need the phone because we’re now ready to get apped up. Oh my god I’ve only seen the google translate app now, a few years ago they used to sell these machines for $600, I was looking at them, but google is even more advanced now this is insane. I am sure it is going to be okay meeting a girl who has very basic english and I will survive with this. I mean, knowing I have this is going to get me out of any trouble – I can load the russian pack down to my phone so I can use it offline.

You keep on seeing why you need to get that phone set up, and get a nice new phone with lots of room and everything it needs to run the new programs really good.

uber, airbnb,

So the actual technique is that you have to buy a new sim for every country, so you only buy a sim if you’re actually . . . well you can’t use the gps unless you’re online, you can’t get an uber.

You basically have to get a new sim every time you travel otherwise you’re dependent on wifi hotspots, buying starbucks – if you can find the starbucks.

SO the first thing you need to do when you arrive in a new country is find wifi or buy a sim. These should be pretty easy to get in a airport or train station, but I should save the map corresponding each time i travel – the map of my route to my airbnb, where wifi is, where a sim retailer is, so even if I have no connection, I can still walk in the right direction.

Again having to buy a coffee for $3 just to use the wifi isnt so bad. to the starbucks or sim card stand when i get off the train,

No here we go, here’s the sim card that work everywhere but belarus, russia and ukraine. It’s going to cost $95. No. 2 x $65. 1 to go all the way to minsk, and then the next to go from prague hopefully close to spain, but by then I think we would be coping and english is more common etc. I’m going through a lot of tourist areas in the near off season, I shouldn’t have too many problems getting help. So $130 just for internet, but the alternative could have been paying $5 in every country – $40 + $35 so basically you’re spending $65 so you don’t have to run around trying to find a sim card and changing it over, 15 times. Which seems a no brainer.

The costs are mounting up, but however.

I thought I could keep my travel costs down under $4k, leaving $60 pnight for accom, $20 for food, and $20 for other expenses. That’s $12k. I claimed that $5k would be my costs nayway in NZ, therefor the trip was costing me $11k. It seems a bit indulgent, but I deserve it and I’m going to be away for 4 months, I reckon it could come down to an even $10k.

***

I am now getting very organised, but somewhat anxious about all the money I’m spending, I am spending all the money I am getting on things I need, which is saying that I am going to burn through the last money I have while I wait for the trading to finally come right.

It seems daunting that I draw closer to a time when I absolutely need my trading to work to survive. Surely I am walking into a trap, the trading has never really worked out.

Okay, here’s how it is, because you know we’ve been over this. When you get back in november, your weekly costs are about $300. That is $15k p/year.

Yes the trip is going to cost a lot of money, but I needed to not so much treat myself, but start embracing the lifestyle I want as part of arriving there. Rather that delaying gratification to the point I don’t even understand clearly how to gratify myself, learn to live a little more so that you don’t feel so desperate.

Maybe by november it will all come together, my earnings will increase, my expenditure will drop, just as I’m heading south of my last $60k.

If it doesn’t and I spend another $15k and then I spend another $10k on another trip, and I have to wait another year, well then that’s what I will do.

I think you need a bit of faith. Whatever the situation, it’s going to take months to play out and I need to find out what’s going on in europe anyway.

Ugh once again, the fact it’s taken so long to change phones means my old sim won’t work on my new phone. More fix up, but it’s a process I’m moving through.

I feel like if the data recovery works out and I book my tickets and get my phone going, I can get started on the apps, and all I need to worry about is those extra device matters and the insurance, both of which I could probably do in the last week.

I have 2 weeks to focus on my content. and getting reorientated to that.

What do I need to do? Well I need to set up my set up down at the farm so that I can start listening to music and testing the mixes.

The data revcovery was supposed to pull up 3 things –

– my songs I lost
– my organisation of the sample libraries
– all the sampling I’d done

This isn’t stopping me from my immediate tasks. But it was hard to start taking on the full situation knowing major components were missing.

In reality, I need to set up my new workstation to mix and listen back to the tunes, getting back into some DJing is part of the vibe. Listening to music, messing around, archiving, taking a look at everything that is there and going . . . okay . . . yes okay.

We are probably not going to get a comprehensive grasp on everything here as far as archiving goes. But we’ll try. We should be able to parameter off some area we can lock down.

We may have to tackle the archives we’ve got knowing a whole bunch of extra stuff is going to get added and there’s going to be overlap, but we just have to push on and work with what’s in front of us to see something through.

I want to get organised without the frustration hanging over me that there’s something I’m not managing.

If when I come back I have managed to build several reels of found footage out of what’s there, and selected a group of songs to represent from the music, which I have all sampled, then I can come back and set it against whatever there is that is left.

As long as I have my reels and I have my songs, I can go forward with my project, I can make something.

There is really nothing stopping me getting started on this. Not that I’m pushing myself, I’m just saying, I’m preparing my entry point, within a week I could be fully set up down the line, and just slipping back into it.

I just want to decently survey everything, to be able to look over everything and look at it, all the stuff on the hard drive, all the stuff on the other computer, all the discs in the boxes, let’s have it all managed. Let me have that feeling that everything that there is, is here, and if there’s anything else that comes in later, that can be dealt with in terms of me adding to what I’ve established based on what I’ve got here.

It’s pretty maddening. I am trying to trust my feelings. My feeling is that it’s hard to say whether it could all have been managed earlier. What I’m dealing with is what I’m dealing with now. I realised too often it reached a point where I just wasn’t enjoying myself, it had degenerated into another compulsive task, but one that seemed really too much effort for what it was delivering.

The fact that I got so down about the house and totally lost the thread, it doesn’t bother me, I didn’t cause it. I live with the knowledge that I will be back to normal soon. Part of being humble is to have learnt to be lucky just to do it. It doesn’t matter if my songs are shit, or my videos are shit, or whatever, I am doing what I am doing.

I know my method works for me, I know it’s strong because I’ve seen it flying when it’s not even at full power, that is why I hung on.

The archive thing, and all these fucking tunes, and all this crud I’m hanging onto, dead plants, it means something because I’m hanging onto it. It doesn’t crush me that most of the plants died. It doesn’t mess me up, that’s just what happened. Now that what has happened has begun to finish happening, I simply start off where I left.

It feels like I have to be down there to get a feel on and get into it. It would have been nice to have more time, but I don’t have time, so it will just have to be enough.

I just have to feel it out. From next monday I will probably go down and see how long I last. There will be nowhere to go except huntly I might go to huntly on the 2nd day, wednesday, and then come home on friday. Ambitious, but possible. What have I got to come back to the city for?

I will soon find out.

Possibly a disc job.

The point is I’m down there by myself with nowhere to go.

There is plenty to get on with. But it will come slamming home that so many distractions are now gone and I can focus properly now.

I can put things together around the house how I like it and it all gives me days to soak in it. The house. The archive. My songs and videos that have to be done.

I can run and meditate and lift and whatever. I wish there was more time, but I just have to deal with what I’ve got. at the end of that week I will be focused on the speaker and the magic bullet, the adapters and I guess my prepaid sim

it is 2 weeks before I leave and I am just waiting for my adapters and sim to arrive.

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