Kiev

by Matt Romantech on September 9, 2017

I am getting all messed up in the head about my whole kiev situation, it’s a bit much to process right now, it’s as it’s been on this trip, too much input, too much to process, I need to write to manage all the thoughts, I need to go over the whole process, just like I used to back in auckland.

I said I would only be using the account to project forward, but I’ve been left a bit boggled – i didn’t get enough sleep, I was so mad about the tinder thing, and then I had a nightmare about the trading, and I just . . . like I wouldn’t of got more than 6 hours sleep . . .

Eating too much fast food that doesn’t really agree with me.

Again I find it hard to get it together. I need to process and I just am not able to focus.

Now I’m mad I lost $27 in ukraine money, but what’s the point. Again just feel flustered like I can’t get perspective.

The tinder game swings wildly, I get the matches but I can’t hook them in, and then I care, and then I don’t, I mean I . . . I can’t get a strategic perspective as I keep saying I really need to thrash it out, but then there’s something else I’m distracted by, I really need to thrash it out, I need to smash out all my thoughts so I can see what I’m working with.

Again it’s the trading that frames everything, I long for the day where losing $27 doesn’t piss me off, but it’s like this, you’re travelling. You already said, you’re going to make mistakes that cost hundreds of dollars, it’s only human,

You said that this moment here in kiev was worth a thousand bucks, put your money where your mouth is. Even if your trading fucks out, it doesn’t matter you still have the money to come to kiev, you could live on $200 a week here, which is not a huge saving or lifestyle improvement but it gives you access to the girls.

this is what we needed to do, we need to sit down here in kiev and asssess what we hoped we could do and hold it against what we see.

I wanted to remember what the biggest craziest plan we had was.

That turns back to the trading what is possible now? I believe by the time next summer comes we will be able to live off of trading,

I wanted to think – On wednesday night I have to leave kiev already and what do we want to do, I keep thinking about girls, I mean – I need to review my strategy right across the board, and considering where girls are in that strategy is critical.

What I feel is that the situation is under control, that I’ve come here and seen, yes, there are places like minsk where there are girls like darya, who easily, I would marry her and impregnate her and accept that, given what I’ve seen if I had to make a hard choice, she is the kind of girl I want.

I have been given a hard signal that it is possible for me to attract the kinds of girl I want. So that is all there is to it. What I realised is that we got a successful signal from minsk not from kiev. Kiev is just so much more pumping than minsk, minsk is depressing.

I come to kiev and I see with my own eyes, and feel that getting a girlfriend is something that will just happen and because of my intention, my situation in life – you can’t ever forget that aside from the trading, you own your own farm.

The bare minimum we will do is to probably head to somewhere like belgrade or whichever place wins the southern selection, in april, and ukraine in late may, then tallinn in july and back to ukraine for late august and september, you are hoping to do 24 weeks overseas, you absolutely need $400 a week for your costs, $500 counting travel.

It’s hard to think that won’t be possible by then, but it comes down to one thing – will it push the line, or not?

I can’t see a situation where we won’t go unless we get popped, because if we never end up using that $20k emergency – I’ve used $2k so far – then how can we justify not coming back even if for some reason, we’re still in this realm of trying to work the angles back from the edge. It can’t go on forever, every dollar we gain back is another dollar they’ll have to push past to destroy us.

So let’s flip over to what you want to do if you has the resources – hire a building where you let the girls live for free, to work, no it won’t be at the scale you first imagined it, I mean . . . that was all dreams, dreaming, this is why I have to thrash this out, I have to understand what I’ve learnt.

I have to reconstruct the concept based on facts, not dreams.

What is it you do day to day here?

Trading, training, and tunes, it’s as simple as that.

Maybe you don’t want to live in town, because it’s hard to focus on what you need to do, living your farm life.

But you want to be able to come into town to meet girls and go to gigs. It really is that simple.

***

I have come back from my club mission frustrated.

Deep down I know there’s that feeling of why aren’t these ukrainian chicks throwing themselves at me?

I didn’t expect it, I guess I just thought there’d be more darya’s but that’s stupid.

I’m mad about the tinder, all I do is ask them about kiev and they dont answer back but now I think about it, youre supposed to pursue them, and then it comes down to do you want to pursue some chick who’s like . . . like these chicks aren’t as good as darya, so fuck them.

I am kind of struggling with the concept that scarcity is over and it’s probably bigger than that, you can only marry one girl and what girl is that – I . . . just find myself a bit overwhelmed again by kiev, and that emotional reaction of – why isn’t it easier? – is just mmy weird reaction to a situation when it becomes good.

I didn’t know kiev was going to be like this, i thought it was going to be fucked like minsk, like it was going to be messed up being here. I thought it would be worse than minsk, I mean, what did I think it was going to be like?

I thought I would be at the marriage agency. I thought that I would have to learn russian and set up this crazy business idea, and I probably will, but because of the trading I can’t force it.

What was the big plan? I know you have a lifestyle concept, of 3xT – but darya already presents a theoretical concept of a girl.

***

Again I just feel overwhelmed by the input, and I find it hard to orientate myself to what needs to be processed.

I’m coming back to kiev for a longer stay, no doubt.

My parameters have been set by the fact that we have to be more sensible about how the trading situation is likely to play out, we can’t assume anything except that we should be able to cover our costs by then – 8 months away.

By the old standard that would be enough, but we just don’t know, things could go fine for 6 months, and then push us back out to the edge again, but here it is, it’s only now we’ve learned how dangerous it can be – we will never jack the margin like that again. We will never let the hedges slip again unless we are managing it deliberately.

My fear is that it simply becomes non volatile again, and maybe we can scratch together $10k or maybe even $20k, but what’s that going to be when you crazy volatility arrives that sends shit flying 1000 pips or more, you maybe ready for EURUSD 1.25 and AUDNZD 1.15 but what about EURUSD 1.30+ and AUDNZD 1.25 or more? that would rip you up and $20k wouldn’t be enough.

But it’s as I said before, if that were to happen, it can only happen once more, and then the range is ours forever. We’ve been everywhere and the range is ours to own.

Now I’m talking about trading and not about kiev, when really I want to focus on what happens in kiev as the months it takes to pass while I wait for my trading go by – here is the angle you may be looking for.

In the past I thought this time now would be the time in which I had to wait and I would travel, but it seem this phase will necessarily be prolonged not just by the holes I need to fill, but the fact I will need to be able to raise the cash from this activity come next may, and the track record indicates that we can’t at all bank on that happening.

So I am waiting, and I have a broad outline already of how that will play – but what’s life like for me in kiev day after day, week after week?

I trade, I train, I write my tunes.

Most importantly, girls. The point we got to was Darya.

But the issue is that ukraine is full of ridiculous honeys and once you’ve got any clout, they’re going to start arriving, all we’ve done so far is used tinder and it hasn’t been very effective in kiev.

I feel that it is simply a test, I again am confused by the shifting perspective we’re getting, and want to review this. What are we going to do, what is our strategy in regards to girls? We have a clear strategy with trading which means whatever happens, we don’t have to think to much. What’s happened with all of this here is that there’s so much new information we need to compare it against the old strategy and recalibrate.

Before I left I was thinking I would work through the agencies to meet wifey material. I didn’t want to be on the tour with the old losers and that has not changed.

My feeling was that I needed to spend some months here and learn russian, because otherwise the girls wouldn’t take you seriously. You are limited to the marriage agency thing, and that is now something that seems ridiculous and desperate but what is the story?

I am able to access my thoughts on this from a mere 3 months ago when I first saw taya, and it really is incredible the insight I had, and that now I am actually talking to taya and planning to meet her now.

then it comes back to darya, because now we have a template we can contrast against – darya is not going to understand a lot of all my youtube shit, and certianly not my interest in portraying a sexually exploitative man.

but also being here in kiev, the idea of indulging my fantasies back in auckland now seems stupid, why would I even bother when you see what is on offer in ukraine? I just don’t see myself indulging my fantasies to the extent I imagined when you have a nice darya waiting for you. You might have a mistress. Remember that girl on backpage, remember all of that?

After coming back from ukraine I will be like . . . you bitches ain’t shit.

I was writing about bringing my wife around to it, but with darya, I just don’t know, I would rather it wasn’t like that. She’s 15 years younger than me. When I’m 55 and losing interest in sex she’s still 40 and probably still only just losing her looks, and this is the thing about darya, is that she was so classy, she would still have class when she was 60!

***

I guess what I am doing is gauging how much and how aggressively I was projecting when I believed the trading would all work out for me, and I have to recalibrate the pacing of events.

The kinds of concepts I was pushing were framed by the idea that I would have the money to rent a big place.

Renting a big place would mean that I could carry on with the concept hiring people – in exchange for free rent or whatever, to do video editing and website design for me.

Having enough work for them isn’t really my problem, but it may be some time before they can take a role at the next level where they are involved in business I am doing in NZ.

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