Angkor WTFUBAR

by Matt Romantech on October 25, 2017

What a rotten night, what a shitty situation, I . . . well the bus to cambodia didn’t turn up, shane is giving me bullshit about the rent again, the internet at home is sounding like it’s cut off again, I’d just gotten over the fact I missed the bus to angkor wat – well I didn’t miss the bus, then I realise the guy was messaging me back and wasnt getting the messages and I feel like a fucking moron, like if I’d been smart I would somehow be on that bus.

I feel ratty, there was a massive thunderstorm, and I sheltered in this alleyway for about 2 hours, and I was just kind of going crazy about all these situations, and then I jumped on tinder, and suddenly all these girls, were matching me, and i was chatting with a prostitute and it’s just been a bit overwhelming, I’m overwrought by it all.

I’m back at the hotel now, but now I’ve realised the guy was messaging me, I feel like an idiot.

I just – the trading, i’ve taken a smack down again on the NZD and just this feeling is welling up inside me that feels so dark and loathsome, like there’s too many things I can’t control.

sitting in the alleyway I was trying to fight, and I just feel so shitty I always have to fight, I have to fight for darya but am I just going to lose her too?

Pull it together.

What is at the root of what’s upsetting you?

It was . . . I’m emotional, you know angkor wat doesn’t matter.

But it was the feeling I got that what I would have to do is to let renfrew go, let shane take it, and take the business back so I had a way of making a few grand to put towards my next trip.

Giving up renfrew makes sense, you know it does, but it also feels like a capitulation to the fact that again, the trading just isn’t working, I have to keep doing discs.

I know I am emotional because I’ve just had too little sleep. I need to pull it together I need some self care.

I just feel like it never works out.

It’s not one thing. Each thing can be reasoned away.

You were pushing too hard with angkor wat. You might meet a nice thai girl, which is good, to keep darya in balance, because for a second you thought darya had sent more messages, and because you’re in such a shitty head space you suddenly started imagining she was going to give you “the talk” and it’s just not healthy, it’s healthy to invest in other girls.

Shane hits me back – he wasn’t being cheeky. The trading eases up on me. I can relax, I can take a breather.

What would be better angkor wat, or if you met two hot thai girls, or realised, it’s even easier to get a thai girlfriend while you’re here then a ukrainian one and theyre low investment.

It all comes down to what I’m going to do. All I can do is push myself and wait for the trading, now it’s coming back, sitting down with the things I want to do with my life, with my content, and just working it.

You have to accept you are really fragile right now, and you just need to chill out and go home.

You have to sit down and just start going the fuck at it, smashing your content, smashing your training, and smashing your efforts to get some kind of business action going, just get the hell into it.

Do that and in 6 months you’ll see where you’re at and what you’re ready to do.

So I got myself a date on tinder, that was fairly easy – it’s bangkok, now I see it’s going to be a bit like that.

I don’t know what I’m doing, I guess I was supposed to be in cambodia so, well, I’d rather meet some girls to keep things interesting and I’m feeling this. I’m going to be bored and sad if I don’t meet girls, this gives me something to do instead but now I just realised I’m going out on a date, I have nothing to wear, I stink and am tired as hell.

I will hang here until 10, go over to the other place, try and get some sleep and then wake up for the date.

I will miss the chance to trade, but I guess, that’s life, I would have been looking at temples anyway.

I need something to get excited about, that bangkok is as good for flings with lil sweeties as russia is for wifeys. Having a lil sweetie thai sits nicely with my wifey russian. Just get back here in march so you can have strings of sweeties and it’ll cost some, but you’ll be trading, and you’ll work something else out – the most important thing is that you have your farm, you have enough money to send for darya, and you have sweeties, as long as your trading doesn’t burst you’ll get there, you’ll find a way.

The worst case scenario is you’ll come back $5-6k poorer and your trading still won’t deliver.

I’m trying to work out what the angle is where the trading just offers nothing. You have to freelance and use up your savings to nail down darya or someone similar. Basically you need to freelance to earn the $2-300 you need to indulge in girls.

In the past you used these ridiculous ideas about modeling agencies, presuming you will be rich, now we know all we need is $2-300 earn and we can come to these cities and meet girls, use the effort you were going to but into mad schemes to focus on freelancing.

The effort you were going to put into chasing girls, you freelance, so you have some cash to fallback on.

You play the long game in trading, making sure you don’t expose yourself to building risk.

Your dole pays for your life in new zealand then you run off, knowing that money you’ve saved, freelancing, growing weed, or draining a few grand off your savings means you only need to make $200 a week while overseas, knowing you’ve saved $5k to cover the $100p/week shortfall and few grand in travelling costs.

in new zealand, saving $100 a week, which you use overseas.

Go back to new zealand, get the dole, and grow some weed, grow a pound worth $4k, save $2k freelancing, draw down from your trading only when the opportunity makes it work.

What this is all about is sacrificing the big goal of being a big trader, for the short term goal of chasing ass.

Don’t take big risks in your trading, work hard to find cash sources, any cash sources.

Forget all your little schemes about free rent and juice and such, fuck it. It so much more important your trading can offer you $200 a week, than all that shit,

Here we have it, you have to pay your internet bill. You have to be able to spend $50 or more on a date or whatever it takes to impress a girl, you have to go into your savings, because you have to protect your savings, when you get back, you need to find ways to generate cash.

What I see is you need to use the low overheads of being home to generate buffers.

28 weeks overseas is going to be $12k easy. save $4k, spend $4k of your savings, look to earn $4k freelance.

Protect your trading so that in 2019, it comes in to do the business. Your trees too.

It doesn’t matter that you spent some savings and committed to freelancing because your trading will come in later, and you’ve laid lots of groundwork with girls.

rather than flouncing about as you have done with trading and travelling and chasing girls you will be focused on freelancing.

NOW: you freelance and spend saving to get results

LATER: your trading kicks in and your expenses don’t increase greatly for doing much as you have.

It’s fundamentally important that you earn $200 a week somehow because you can save it when youre at home, and then use it to top up your travel budget so that you only need to draw $2k from your savings next year, when you can easily allow $5k. knowing that you won’t rely on your trading at all for a year, and that should surely open the door to you being able to download that $200 from there, but you’re home, so you don’t need it.

remember bringing darya back with you will likely pay for itself, because you can get her to do something, and youre paying the same costs basically.

keep going over it.

come home, buy food $100. No bills for a few weeks, then when the bills come, get the dole, now your food and bills are even. In those few weeks you need to be thinking about where new money is coming from. freelance, weed.

By march you need to have saved $3k, you will book your $500 flight to thailand, and suddenly you arrive in thailand and life is $300 a week, after a month you book your flight to kiev for $500 and you leave with $1200 because you’ve earned $400, keeping up your form. you spend 6 weeks in kiev, and you have spent all your money.

$200 gets you to tallinn where you spend $1500 living for a month. $800 comes out of your savings. $300 we draw from trading, it is the end of july.

You fly back to kiev for $200 where you live for 6 weeks costing us $100 a week, we have drawn $1600 total out of our savings it is mid september

$200 belgrade, we have drawn $2200 out of our savings, $500 to bangkok, we have drawn $3100 out of our savings, we fly home, we have drawn $3600 out of our savings it is mid november

We have only been earning $100 freelancing and drawing $100 trading since july.

From that point, we are able to return to the dole, while still drawing $100 each from trading and from freelancing, so we save $5k.

Now lets add a trip to minsk, costing an extra $200. That’s insignificant. double it to bring darya with you . . .

The picture I’m painting is that drawing on your savings for about $5k isn’t going to be that bad but will give you the wiggle room you need to deal with girls.

Get real, you’re away for too long. But it’s okay because your girl hunting.

When you have a girl its different. you don’t leave so much – can you see the upfront costs? Can you see why you dip dip into savings?

This year we spent $10k+ on a 3 month trip because we were not clued up, we had no income, we had no trading, we hadn’t built a nest.

this is a 7 month trip costing us $6k.

At some point the trading has to get involved. That’s the point of this exercise to assume that the trading is still as it’s been on this trip, but at some point something must give.

What’s the objective? To get as many girls going as possible. This costs money.

***

Now I’ve had a drink and some fruit and got myself to the new hotel – the air conditioning here is much better, so I’m pretty nice and cool, almost cold – I’m newly energized for another wave of anguish.

What an awful night I’ve been through. What a kick in the teeth to send me on my way. I only lost $100, oh an the hotels I’ve had to pay for $80. It’s not missing out on angkor wat that feels so shitty it’s just that everything just went so badly I sat there in that stinky bus stop for 3 hours and it was all bullshit.

The walk back to the hotel was so miserable. I was tindering all those girls, it was only at this point I realised bangkok has tonnes of girls, and it’s the fact I don’t take them seriously that makes them so good.

I read back and the last post is all about how things came good, now this post is how they’ve all turned to shit again.

The knife it cuts. When I got scammed in odessa it stung.

But this is all part of the experience.

It’s just that I’ve got that date with that girl and I’m all a mess. But now I see, how it’s all an experience to teach you. I just had all these emotions blasting through me, I wanted to suppress them with horniness.

I was sitting there thinking, how happy I was to hear from darya, how important it was to me, and now you’re chatting with whores and flirting with other babes, thai babes you’re not even really into.

SO many emotions, I felt all this self loathing, the thing with shane, the thing with the internet, I just felt useless like I can’t manage anything, I can’t pay for anything, why can’t I manage my money, why am I sitting here thrashing about with these ideas about freelancing, why, why can’t I manage my money to chase the dream of all this good stuff I’ve discovered.

It was the same as with the horny tinder swiping, I just wanted to escape all the shitty emotions I was having.

But in all of this thrashing about lies something.

I want to go to bangkok, to belgrade, to kiev, to tallinn. Why? There’s no girls on the farm, I want girls. I want to go after darya, and the best way to do that is to chase lots of girls at once, chase girls all over the world.

Dip into your savings, I was dizzy, I was trying to break free of the depressing emotions, I sat in that alleyway for 2 hours while it rained, when it all comes crashing down, that’s when you search blindly for the answers, auckland doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.

I’ve become so uptight about money, because I’ve seen now all the doors it opens, how just a little bit of money can do so much, travelling the world, girls everywhere.

Wow my trading is moving pretty fast with the tethering, Was it really, it was two nights ago, the thunder, darya, the tethering. Life tumbles along so quickly. I don’t even care about angkor wat, I care about girls, I care about darya, but chasing other girls actually helps me with darya.

I can freelance, as in, I can find a way to make some money, I was just, my head was so messy, it was so hot in that last hotel now I’m cold, last night i walked in and out of mcdonald’s I was so hot my head didn’t know what was going on.

I don’t want this mission for girls to all be contingent on the trading.

I have to use my savings, another $10k, to enable me to continue to chase girls over the next 2 years, I need to do this so I can focus on the mission and let trading do whatever it’s going to do.

In order to commit your funds to this, you need to match it with hard work, that recognises that if girls are so important you can get off your butt and make $100.

Bangkok – it only costs $7 by taxi and train to the airport. Awesome.

3 weeks bangkok – april – $500
6 weeks kiev may june – $500
5 days minsk july – $150
3 weeks tallinn/helsinki july – $150
5 days minsk august – $150
6 weeks kiev august – $150
3 weeks belgrade september – $150
3 weeks bangkok $500
home $500

travel $2750, duration 26 weeks. $5200 costs, given $100+ freelancing, total $8k – $3k savings, is $5k.

darya’s costs, $750 travel tallin+belgrade, trading could cover some of that, here’s the point again and again, if it got to the point you were spending weeks with darya, you could drop $5k.

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