Belgrade Reflections

by Matt Romantech on October 11, 2017

I am beginning to accept how tired and worn out I have become.

There’s a post all about all how what I’m going to do in kiev with some god damn modelling agency, and then another post which I didn’t write last night about how I will have to resort to old fashioned game because my trading can’t carry me.

This simply degenerated into me pining after darya and having a big sad about that.

But in all of this is a truth, we just have to adapt.

That’s what I keep seeing here, we have to build a strategy on our strengths, that works for me.

Having a spreadsheet of girls is just not who I am. That doesn’t mean I can’t absorb the fact that kiev and belgrade are massive places and they aren’t my real home. There are literally hundreds of thousands of beautiful women in kiev, it only takes one girl to change the whole game.

SO you can walk around saying hello to every single hot girl you see, it doesn’t mean you’re a player looking to wrangle every single one into bed while the stop watch ticks.

This is kind of what I feel, that I know deep down, that if you talk to 20 hot girls, 19 of them are going to brush you off. You have to remember you’re only looking for one girl,

What are we doing here in serbia?

The plan we had in ukraine seems far flung, because you’re building on whole business model on trying to bone a few hot chicks, it seems ridiculous, but there is always something to be offered here.

I believe that I need to fall back on my strengths, I am not tall or charismatic, so game is just going to be something I take to, I need hard strategic planning, finding a way to attract attractive girls to me so I can broach a rapport with them.

A thought that we had is that we need to attract the types of girls we want to attract by using the right bait.

I don’t want to try and pick up silly teenage girls with some corny street routine.

I don’t want to try and pick up gold diggers in high heels by acting like I’m some kind of money guy.

Again, I want a nice sweet girl like darya. She has business ideas and career ideas, but you know that most of all she is top line wife material.

What I am seeing is I definitely want to attract a girl with skills for my business, but I also want her, obviously, to be hot. I fear that trying to get “models” will only attract bimbos – sweet girls, no doubt, but lower intelligence than what I want.

It makes me start to think that maybe using the agencies is actually a good idea, because it allows me to get acquainted with the girls as well as find a girl who is very sweet, has good career skills and is prepared to leave her current situation.

But I also feel, what happens when we come back to serbia, and we walk down the street and we feel the way we do now?

It seems to me it’s about more than the girls – I have to conquer something within me to say, how do you become the guy these girls want?

It feels like I have to embrace that aspect of game – not spreadsheets of girls, but to breakthrough so youre no longer afraid to talk to girls, you see a beautiful girl, you say hello, she brushes you off, you forget about it and go on to the next because youre here in serbia, and it’s packed with hot girls, and they are just everywhere, you just keep going and going.

You see hot girls and talk to them because you feel like it. You ask them to have a coffee because you feel like it. You ask them out because you feel like it, you ask them back to your place because you feel like it, because youre in serbia to meet hot girls.

You are acting out of your heart, to be around these beautiful girls and get to know them, you’re not a sleazy player looking for a quick lay.

This is exactly why you need to focus on the hottest girls who you really feel that attraction to.

You are not doing your fitness and your music simply to feel confident enough to approach these girls. You are doing it because you are focused on a routine to make sure that when you walk down the street, your posture and body language communicates confidence and ease in your whole identity, “inner game”. This will be hard to do.

But like the trading, it matters. If the trading was working you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s not working and so we have to accept that our priorities go beyond money and fitness and creativity. This is not about game and notches, because that’s a bleak path. It’s about the raw facts that you don’t lose anything by approaching beautiful women.

But it’s like this, if you are some sleazy schemer, yes you might feel like a dirtbag.

But if youre working on yourself and genuinely approaching beautiful girls because you want to bring good things into their lives rather than rack them up as another notch, why should you be ashamed?

Yes if youre wearing a dirty old hoodie and you look tired and your haircut is shit, and posture doesn’t communicate confidence, then girls are going to brush you off and you’re going to feel bad because youre not bringing the goods.

Inevitably, you will feel shitty after being brushed off by 10 girls in a row. But it’s so much like feeling shitty because you have no weed – yes it sucks, but you deal with it, you know it’s not going to kill you and you’re not actually suffering in any meaningful way, you just feel discomforted.

You come to serbia, to kiev, to tallinn, and you are keeping your fitness routine, your russian, your creativity, and when you go out to talk to girls, and you dress right, and you have a decent haircut, good skin, well rested, good posture, some language skills,

You can’t do this if you’re only here for 6 days, you can’t get settled.

You go home, you get your diet and fitness and music and language right. You talk to girls online to open up these dialogues.

But the sites will never give you assurance, that’s why we like darya and victoria, because we met them, we know it’s right. We know we have to be here or it will never work, because we will never have the opportunity.

We came here because we had to find out if it was real.

I try to read back over where I was just 4 months ago in june, and I was utterly wrecked, what happened with the property seemed like a curse on top of what had already happened to me.

I beleived I needed to detach from the CD/DVD thing, and that is exactly what is front of me right now, we’ve done it, we no longer care about that, it is meaningless.

But it keeps coming back to the trading, the trading has never offered us the opportunity to draw down any money, and on monday we will find ourselves struggling again.

If the trading bursts it’s banks again, we will once again be in trouble, but maybe we are just spooked and haven’t realised how far away we are from having that happen.

But that what that means is that we will find our way eventually, and that’s all we need. If we just focus on the 7 pairs that we’ve identified, and are able to bring the weekly earnings up to $3k+ again, we will fill the hole within a couple of months, and see that jack up to $4-5k.

When that starts happening it gives us the ability to trim the hedges when the opportunity arises.

But if you assume that we can draw down a few hundred bucks a week in 6 months, then there’s no reason to stay attached to the cd/dvd business. leave it behind, and leave behind your silly power fantasies also.

***

I had this stressful morning, I stayed up so late working on these ideas, trying to grasp something, and then I slept in and had terrible stressed dreams about the next transit, I woke up thinking I needed a copy of my ticket for the bus tonight, and had this crazy dream I was looking after chance the rapper, I had to manage CDJ’s and his guns and a speech he was supposed to give and I was hanging on to the back of a truck, and I just couldn’t manage it.

It’s crazy how reality invades the subconscious and then it counter attacks with these bizarre ideas.

I can’t think properly when I’m walking around in a strange city, and I know, I just know now, I have to think.

I have so much thinking to do. I was restless this morning about girls again, theyre everywhere, how do we connect?

It’s funny how I leap from curiousity to frustration – now that i see the girls before my very eyes, I become frustrated that I can’t make the connection.

But I remember, darya, was on tinder. Victoria was just sitting there in the coffee shop.

The key concept is that when you’re here, and the girls are everywhere, you will inevitably meet them.

The girls on tinder and on the dating site may not be the best, but one might be, like darya.

The girls in the cafe and walking down the street may not want to meet you, but one might, like victoria, and she will be sweet as pie. We already understand it’s not a competition to find the hottest girl in the world.

They’re all hot. Darya is hot. Victoria is hot. They are both sweethearts. Find one, and let it be.

I am reading over my notes from 4 months ago, when i kicked back into the plan, and it seems so long ago and yet the foresight is there, I am able to understand where the frustration emerges from.

I needed to go to find out if there were girls, and as it turns out, there are.

And I see this now from reading the internet, the internet is just the internet, I kept insisting, you need to go, to know. And I was right, I went, and I found out, these girls, they’re everywhere. Thousands of them, and what makes it so beautiful is that you only need one. If I settled for less in ukraine or serbia, it would still be a girl far hotter, younger, and better than what gemma offered, gemma, who once, I was prepared to settle for.

Never forget what you have been saved from, never forget, that the hardship pushed you to this, and right now you could be under the thumb of your ugly fat bitchy wife, and now you never have to deal with that. You know a girl like darya would be so special.

But again and again it loops back to the trading, I read my naive hopes for trading that by now it would all be so easy, and rather than despair, it gives me hope, because I can only be wrong so many times.

You didn’t see that the US would be crushed

Look at NZDAUD, it’s almost $4k in margin cost, over a quarter of your whole investment, probably costing me $30 a day just to play, when we know it simply isn’t making that right now. But there’s another side. We choose this pair specifically because it doesn’t move far from a range. As long as the range holds, the more money we add, creates further opportunities for us to realise decent profits. There is only about a 1.2% range where we are seeing these very low profits, and slowly it will get filled out.

I can’t help but feel we are being presented here with the worst of both worlds in trading – stuck in range being drained by carry costs, and violent moves that push beyond the edge and eat up all our equity.

This of course contrasts with the real world of east europe, where there is girls and food and cheap rent.

I have hope that this is a christmas carol type situation where I have been shown visions, visions of darya, visions of my trading all collapsing, and being asked to consider this.

If you marry darya and eke your way out to earn a few grand a week you can draw down in 2019, you are blessed.

And I swear I will ruin paul, I reduce that fucker to a stub and then I will turn on my uncle and strike him with raging force.

***

All it takes to change my mood is matching with a bulgarian honey I am able to happily chat away with, this is how it goes.

But it is short lived, once again another crisis in turkey is shaking me and I am forced to add cash. This only adds to my anxiety about the next transit, that goes fairly smoothly, but it’s starting to pile on top of me now.

I get to bulgaria and I am just so tired of all this shit.

The locks and the keys to the building.

I’ve gone and bought yoghurt instead of milk, again.

I can’t get money off my eftpos card, have I run out of money, what’s going on?

The trading isn’t working out, will it ever work out? I need another pep talk about filling in the holes. I just get so scared that everything I’ve gained on this trip is in jeopardy because the trading isn’t working.

But it is clawing it’s way back, only 24 hours ago, I was gripped by shock and having to call down credit, that’s no joke.

***

I have been in the habit of reviewing what I wrote about this trip 4 months ago when I planned it, I took off in just 6 weeks, is it any wonder that things have begun to become a bit wild?

You have to forgive yourself, excuse yourself, say, I tried to be brave, and I was, I said oh I would step out the door to sniff around and then next year I would double back around.

But I got so much more than that. Tallinn was awesome. Kiev was incredible. I met darya, and victoria. Prague, Vienna and Budapest all revealed the angle I foresaw – it’s a town for you and your girlfriend.

Belgrade turned out to be incredible too. Sofia in bulgaria is so far pretty much devoid of hot girls except for tinder, but just like vienna and stockholm, now we know! It’s not the one.

We had to go to find out, and we did.

We didn’t know about ukraine, and estonia – with helsinki just there, we didn’t think belgrade would be so mad.

We didn’t realise copenhagen and helsinki were such vibing places and amsterdam is a blast. We were then caught by surprise in minsk when it all seemed to be quite depressing, and reflecting on my plans to spend 2-3 days everywhere, aren’t I glad that’s not what I was able to do or I would of become shattered.

But of course minsk had darya, who is possibly the highlight of the whole trip, because even if I get home and she’s not interested, it proved what it possible, a sweet young girl is there for you.

Going to Brno, and vilnius, and wroclaw, what a waste of time that would have been – poland maybe not as it is also highly rated for girls, but brno is pointless, prague was awesome, but the czech girls weren’t where it’s at.

Slovakia was good because it showed a slower pace and the style of estonia, a smaller town, a slower pace, the girls are there, the vibe is there, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming – contrasting vienna to bratislava and being in all these places getting perspective.

The most important thing of course, of which darya is the doorway, is I was able to see what the path ahead looks like, darya and victoria, and olga and vlady too! if id only looked at the girls, instead of doing anything, I wouldn’t have learnt a damn thing. Even meeting rost and michael on the train, both the train trips, ukrainian people are good people.

I see through the tiredness now to understand that I can message darya and victoria like 2 girls I met who I liked, not as if I’m shunting them down the aisle.

I took so many things I didn’t bloody need.

I got stressed out so many times about uber and how I would make all the arrangements to get to the next city.

It was a real, true adventure, like half the people I know have and will never have, not my dad or my grandad, not my friends, because again it wasn’t just a fun time, I came to look for girls and like I keep saying, if it was a just a moment with darya and victoria, it was special.

I know that even if it takes a few years and my trading explodes, there’s a girl for me here.

***

I am still reading back.

It’s so interesting comparing what I projected forward and now bouncing off that to now, it is such opportunity to triangulate a sharper perspective.

I see that I had some foresight into how it would be, that soon enough, you’re only interested in really beautiful women otherwise they won’t hold your attention, and it becomes something we’ve seen – it’s better to go down in a blaze of glory with a girl who are vibing for then just shumbling along trying to scrape a root out of this chick or that chick because she’s there, and convincing yourself you’re in the game.

But I also see how I was rolling over moral dilemmas that don’t seem so insignificant now that the actors are beginning to be cast.

Breaking up with darya because I found me a kamila seems like something I can’t deal with and why?

Because I have a real feeling for darya, and in life that’s what you have to do, you have to listen to your heart.

It’s meaningful to me the connection I made with darya and victoria, I couldn’t just give them up because I hotter girl came along. You chase them until your heart stops feeling it, knowing that sometimes you might go off with some other girl only to feel that what you had with darya or victoria was more real, was more fundamental.

You can’t explain love, yes it may be because I see darya as top wife material and that’s more important to me than kamila’s boobs or the way she called me “mart”.

It may be because victoria spans the bridge between sweet russian girl and cool hip girl.

before these parts were simply played by actors from your past, a girl like kamila, who your attraction to was more physical and she was a sweet girl. Darya to me has a maternal quality, and victoria perhaps a filial quality.

Daryas maternal quality make her appealing to me, because every soldier needs their mum. Not just me, but my little soldiers too.

And this is ground I’ve covered before, if in your heart you feel for a darya, and it means you spend less time chasing little kamilas you cultivate on the side, then perhaps it is for the best. It is for the best if you do the right thing.

This process helps me to refine what my grand process will be and that’s what we keep coming back to.

We can’t focus on just darya.

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