Christmas Blog Post

by Matt Romantech on December 27, 2017

Christmas!

I was able to get a lot of work done on Dragonfly last night which has given me some focus, let’s get these tunes moving.

I was pretty frustrated and down this morning, It’s christmas, it weighs on you, it’s not my family that does it, it’s a feeling in the heart, and I take my feelings seriously, these kinds of feelings are human, they’re often not accurate, but they are real, and they mean something, they are message from somewhere – from your own heart.

I was thinking about the scams travellers get ripped for, and of my experience in odessa.

And I forget now my point. I was trying to say, you are getting messages that are real. You can choose to ignore them, but I know the feelings i get at christmas stem from my own inability to create the situations I used to treasure. Where is the family and the closeness?

Where is this feeling I get that it’s the end of the year, things draw to a close and where is the moment of closure? There used to friends, and vibes on the street, where is all that gone?

I feel deep down, I couldn’t get it right with a girl, so I had nothing to start with. I know this deep down, you can’t make it with a girl, you can’t make it anywhere to do anything.

If I get me a darya, It will be like this house, it will keep blowing me away how I made such an excellent move.

It doesn’t have to be darya even, but she will certainly work out great I think. When I decided to go to ukraine . . .

Isn’t it powerful to have a journal that helps you pinpoint the very moment you decided you wanted a russian girl?

Again, I owe so much not only to Stina and Kamila, but also Camille and even Imogen. All these girls offered me a piece of the puzzle where I find it’s my sweet Darya, and how could I want for anything else?

Chasing after a girl who was completely out of my league offered me the reward of a clue, that I could go to russia and find everything nice and good for me, and like discovering kiev, I discover that all the things I hoped for are there – sexy women who make incredible wives and mothers – but my fears were misplaced, and the pay off that we would have some cultural or emotional disconnect seems silly now, I look at darya and see a possibility of so much more than I could have ever had with stina, kamila, camille and imogen.

SICK – Stina, Imogen, Camille and Kamila – When a girl is too hot for you to bear; she must be SICK

It’s so fascinating – and very christmas – to be able to read back over what I realised . . .

Tinder made me go to russia, it was 2 years and 10 months ago, I decided to go to find a russian girl, and tinder was the catalyst, and of course, it was on tinder I found darya, and I learnt it has nothing to do with tinder and everything to do with the quality of women and how they are distributed.

I had only just been trading a few months. The dreams of riches were already filling my head, and yet I still made the decisive call to go to russia, simply because I wanted a hot wife, that’s what I wanted and why on earth would I ever aim for something I don’t even want?

I had the idea I was going to bring home a version of kamila with worse english than stina, do you remember when you gave up hitting on that finnish girl in wanaka because she couldn’t understand some of what you were saying? Or what about the christian girl who like system of a down? I used to be a huge moron.

I thought the language thing would mean there wouldn’t be real closeness, but I feel that warmth inside me for darya, and this is what is special and awesome, that even if it’s not darya, I’m going to get me an extra good babe.

I write back to darya, but once again I am slightly deflated she isn’t completely responsive to my enthusiasm, though I shouldn’t assume anything unless she stops writing back.

You need to always be aware of cultural differences. You may feel it is more appropriate to be warm and open with her, but both language and culture may prevent her from opening up more. The most important thing is she keeps writing back.

In other words, although it is possible to feel a closeness you never expected months ago with her, communication will never be perfect, you have to expect some distance will exist, lost in translation.

The wise man seeks not pleasure but to avoid pain.

I was a lot more humble at that time, I wonder what has changed? The influence of the tiger’s penis.

I’ve been so swept up in my trading, and now I am reading back to when the first accidents began to happen, we have had these incidents more often then you tend to remember. You’ve spent a lot of money following this path.

I convinced myself so readily of what was possible . . . but the wise man seeks to avoid pain.

I sound like a fool. I reached back to find out where I first knew about the russian girl and I am humbled to see how foolishly I was talking about the trading, as if I was struggling then, and I was reckless then, not knowing how much worse it would be.

It was 2 years and 9 months ago, but remember in that time I’ve bought a house and gone on the huge adventure to europe, I did it, I write this now because I wanted to look at what it was when I decided that the russian girl was what I really wanted because I think it may turn out to be a better thing than the discs or the trading.

But it was because I was brave enough to go. It wrecked a lot of shit, it wrecked my trading, but I had to go, just imagine right now that I didn’t know what it was like and I was still in the dark.

You did well when you made the firm decision and you did well when you still went even though you had to leave at the last minute.

***

Boxing day. My little Darya has sent me a message straight back, like she always does, I have now left another stovetop espresso on the element and wrecked that one too, the house has filled with the smell of burnt coffee and I feel stupid.

On facebook, everyone is waiting for me to add them to friends, I feel inadequate like I’ve spent years hiding away doing my trading and have very little to show for it, I went looking last night for the moment I decided to go to russia and I found it, I knew it was a very decisive moment on my path, but it has only forced me to see how I’ve lost these years to trading and it makes me feel so stupid.

I went through a lot, with lawyers and real estate agents, it was utterly grueling. I traded, I escaped, I read back, I read the way I was so obsessed, so driven by desperation.

I feel bad, but I know what the feeling means.

It is a long road back, but at least I know which direction to head in. I understand and can see in the distance a place where it could make sense.

I understand that given time and space, I will use art and music and creativity to work through all of this.

But right now I don’t feel good and I have to shake it off.

I’m working through it. I’m trying to see through it. I will get there. I don’t sit round playing games or watching tv, I am into dealing with life. I understand.

I only wanted to delve into this darya thing more, I wanted to see the moment that I accepted russia, but instead it made me feel so bad about what I’ve done in trading.

It tells me to never be so sure that you’ve worked it all out.

And this is where it begins to come through, the feelings that live in the music and being and reality.

I know this little darya could be just right for me, and if it’s not this one, there will be another, and I just dream away of how I went, went through scandinavia and to estonia, and it was independence day and I went through to minsk, and already my trading was killing me, breaking me, already the euro was smashing the pound and the dollar to levels I just hadn’t expected and I was diving down to $32k.

I did what I had to do, I was bold, I was brave, I waited out the lawyers and the real estate agents and the trouble I’ve had with this trading, and I went forth to get what it was, I had to know.

You must always remember that darya is not a foregone conclusion, but I always remember then that there are more daryas, she just happens to be the one that maybe the one for me.

But I see this connection with the farm and darya, a nice lovely blonde to put in my little farmhouse.

It is such a good plan, that it makes me perceive of where other issues and problems lurk, after the big problems that you face trying to become a normal person, come the smaller problems.

But I still get that dissonance that stalked me when I first began trading and thinking of russia, I dream away, I’m so good at that, and then I wake up.

It was all so real in the dream, it was all coming to me, the years go by, why is it still so far away?

You’ve lost a lot of faith in trading from how you used to be, it is important to find the time to reflect, I am moving into it, through the process, I have to start running and doing my russian but I’ve got to focus on the power that needs to come through.

But there needs to be this recognition that I am performing here, not of resolving things deep in the past, but the recent past, understanding that trading has not failed, it simply remains unresolved, and I have a lot of faith now that at the very least you will muddle way towards making $1500 a week, even if it takes years, and with that, you will be fine.

The acute question is that come august, september, it will be time to consider inviting darya to stay and travel with you, and you will be in tallinn and helsinki where costs will likely be closer to $400 a week, for several weeks you may need to draw down $500.

Remember also in september, your $150 will run out, so you are then going to need $300 a week for your last 6 weeks through belgrade and bangkok. Instead of the usual $200, so that’s only $600 more, at a point that you should be hitting $1500.

It seems so foolish, every time I’ve said I would be hitting a level within a period, I’ve been wrong.

But you’ve never aimed your sights so low – in fact, to a point you’ve already been at, but fallen off from.

The huge thing is obviously the pay off between russia and the trading.

The trading hasn’t really gone where I’d hoped, not yet.

But russia turned out to be so much better than I expected, I met a girl straight away. I found out it’s all fucking on over there, it’s exciting to be somewhere new, to be on the move. It’s an adventure. You feel so alive.

I want to go back to thailand and but some clothes and meet some thai girls, and be obsessed about 6acwave, and just trade and whatever. I want to go to kiev and do the same, find funny cheap shit to buy, perhaps find suppliers for items we could sell in NZ to the suitors. meet girls, go on and on about my business to anyone who could help, trade, and hopefully focus enough to create content, to do relevant music, video, writing. That’s my trip, that’s my buzz, really, it’s the same as it is here, trading, tunes, training, but there, well there’s cheap shit and girls and food and all the rest, something interesting is bound to be.

This doesn’t cost that much, you need $200 at least for your apartment, if you had $250, you’d be getting a nicer place. $100 for food is realistic, but you’re going to need at least $50 for dates and transport and other little costs. $400 would be pretty sweet but $450 is enough to make it really really nice, but by that stage, you’re really cutting something off your trading. You would have to be making $1k each week, or that section wouldn’t be getting any closer.

But isn’t there a justification, that when you reach $60k, you can double what you’re doing now, and be making twice as much? This would be happening around august, and you would be at least making $1300, you can bring the last $20k home not least of all because when you get home in november, you get back on the dole,

But kurb should have been going the whole time. Kurb should be able to make you $100p/week from now on. Even when you’re overseas. It will pay the rest of my bills,

I can’t help but read about how depressed I was when I decided I had to go to russia, and the trading first began to really punish me – I am still reading back.

I have to recognise I haven’t arrived here by accident, I have struggled to a point I can have my farm and my sweet russian girl, my sweet darya, my sweet reward.

What more do I need? This is why darya has been promoted, not just because it’s christmas and I get sad about it, but because all the answers I was so lost for a few years ago . . .

The money was worked out, the house was worked out, kurb has just now been worked out, and it almost looks like after almost 3 years, the trading has finally been worked out – not as my grand fortune arriving, but yet just enough to fund these adventures in which such treasures as my sweet darya can be recovered, and what more of a victory could there be?

I used to try to explain to girls like alice that my grandparents are paying for this meal, we have to remember how lucky we are, I feel so lucky not just to have the money, but to have the smarts to know a darya is what I want, not some NZ girl who will just fuck up all your shit and let you down, camille, imogen.

I try to reach for the next thing, what is next? That I travel? That I can rebuild my lost social life?

That trading still holds everything in the balance?

There is nothing new that I can’t already see. Trading, training and content, it remains the same as much as you skirt around it. After the house, after darya, is the joy to travel, but I need trading to work for that.

Trading, training and content is just what I’m going to do everyday anyway, but I am talking about the pillars you put in place to give you pride and joy in your life.

Like I said, this house and darya are giving me major feelings that I have begun to put solid structures in my life that give me more strength than I’ve ever had before. Where do I get more of this from?

This. Tackling the framework of my life conceptually.

I think what I see is something that was trying to squeeze through before but didn’t make it.

Before I needed to have $5k a week trading, when I first discovered it, deep down I knew I shouldn’t be greedy, but I got caught up in too many brutal struggles, the trading, the lawyers, the real estate agents, I wasn’t the same after that. I couldn’t be humble I was too bitter now. The drum and bass, the girls, everything, I believed I could make millions and that I deserved it after everything I had been through.

But now I see that I have my little house on my little farm, and I’ve found the way to get me a sweet little girl here, I am starting to see that what I wanted isn’t so far out of my reach.

I’ve got my place, all I want to do is smoke weed and make music and grow some garden and develop food, and just make content to post on social media. I’ll be doing a song or a video or hopefully more proper blog posts. If not, well I’ve got a mountain of stuff to slowly archive, and some strategies around it, I think I will get to going about it.

Up until now I was thinking it was so important to do it, to get it done, but it’s more not that I get it done, but that I do it, that it is what I do. I learn to just do it, because I have reached the stage where I’ve wandered off looking for the answer elsewhere, and found that I already know that art and content are the only way out.

possessions and girls and experiences all make you happy and that’s great, but only art takes you deeper to a place where you really can resolve a nagging sense something isn’t quite right or hasn’t been fixed.

What I should be thankful for is that it’s only as complicated as this. House, girl, family, travel, art.

The trading and training is so you can sustain your lifestyle for as long as possible.

You find yourself in that position again where you want to define the parameters of your success as an artist.

I’m successful if I can have a gig in belgrade, tallinn, kiev, bangkok, minsk.

You have to do your podcast? Wow well this is lots to do, maybe you need to think more about what you can do.

I think that’s what I’m doing, you know it always comes down to the fact that there is a task to do next and you should do it.

It is a link in a chain. Finish the videos we’ve got on now, finish the website and archiving tasks, you’ve got a few months to do it.

Then you have some freestyle space to do kurb and pirate matty stuff, but only if it suits.

You have the time then to build your mixtests towards a new concept of a podcast for basswave, but you might have to tackle more music and more DJ style concepts you can build your podcast on.

You are moving your videos and podcasts and blogs towards a general theme of basswave, the music and videos just plop out like they always have done, it’s the podcast that becomes the central thing.

The podcast has a platform that then becomes the platform for the hub. The videos and blogs are moving more and more towards this theme.

What are you trying to achieve? Communication of goals. This is what I am doing and some suggestion of what I am trying to achieve.

But your missing a larger point we are trying to drive at here – what you are trying to achieve is not something that is going to cost much.

$7k – baseline expenses
$3.5k – bills
$3k – travel costs
$5k – travel expenses
$13k – basswave
$3.5k – content related costs

That’s $35k per year and your living your sweetest life, 3 or 4 years out, but you’re going to have $4k from the dole, and $2.5k from rents, and let’s say yes $4.5k from kurb, that’s $11k, that’s less than $500 you will ever need to draw down weekly from your trading in a scenario where you’re pumping money in to basswave that isn’t coming back, which is not realistic. $400 is a better number conceptually, that if you can spare $400 from trading you can have the life you want.

It’s $250 until basswave kicks off. And you’re not count weed, weed could easily whip another $50 off that.

Any situation where you would draw down $500 a week is not permanent.

Any situation where you require extra grands for darya, such as to bring her here, then they are costs that are allowed for from your savings.

It seems you could fall back to $40k next year if the situation required knowing that you only need to keep your trading advancing so gradually. The only money we need beyond little more than what we are already reaching, is to build empires that aren’t really for me anyway, they just serve some prideful part of me that doesn’t really feel much joy. It’s not pointless, it just – I need to be reminded it’s not necessary to play this role, to be this little napoleon.

This is the discovery I’ve been searching for. YES – We are reliant on trading, but not on what we used to hope for, the grands, to make us the big maharajah, the shogun. One grand will do fine even if it takes years to crawl beyond that level so that we can be sure we are not making a mistake, that would jeopardize that level.

For years, it was all about getting to $3k or $5k, for it to reach it’s pay off, now I see the level wasn’t nearly so much just have the life that you might want and what it is is that I was shown the life that I was sacrificing because I absolutely had to demand more from my trading.

You don’t need to do it.

You wanted $3k so you could command power, but $1k is all I need to enjoy my nice house, my nice darya, my nice life, why gamble that away? This is what I needed to see, you gotta know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.

Did you want to be told it’s all okay?

Well this is what it looks like, to afford the lifestyle you want, I don’t think you’re that far away.

If you can’t afford it this year, take it out of your savings, how long will it be that you can’t make $200 a week?

Will it ever be, well I doubt it! We’re already at the point we can sustain the lifestyle without basswave, and all your calculation are based on basswave running at a complete loss, so again, if you can draw down $200 a week you are already ready for the next 18 months.

Only in 18 months when I want to open a networking space do I need more money than that.

No at that point I won’t be much closer to a section. But the section is just expansion, let it happen, everything you wanted to do on this property you can already afford to do. It’s just the section you can’t afford, and it doesn’t matter.

Wanna go overseas? You can go. Wanna put another structure on your land, you can, if you want.

The extra money from kurb this year you can spend on more weed and content stuff, then it’s spending money when you leave. That’s $100 per week after you pay that $800 bill, it’s all extra spending and content, so you really are at $350 level already.

Smoke the weed, spend money on your videos, it’s okay. Buy some samples. You’re fine, as long as you can draw down $200 from your trading, are making $100 from kurb, get your dole and grow some weed and get some rent for $50 for 5 months in NZ – from now you are fine to travel the world for 6 months at $350 expenses per week and spend $2k a year on your content.

Any darya related costs or farm development costs come out of your savings. You don’t need them for anything else.

This way if your personal cash builds up you can spend it on girls and capital improvements, leaving your savings building up in your trading to be for the section – this just means working and saving outside of trading creates opportunities to spend money on girls, capital improvements, and content.

Why has your situation gotten so relaxed and nice?

Kurb came to the rescue putting money in my hand right now, and then the trading picked up, saying a grand by the time we leave is a good possibility, opening up $500 to download – now we see we won’t ever need to download that much, because it would only be for basswave, and basswave should never continue to cost that much, it needs to be viable.

We had begun to beg for mercy, that we might have $200 a week from the trading by the time we left again to spend, when it began to occur to me that there had certainly been times when it worked and we were making $700 p/week, and that this should be completely manageable, if that’s what you’re trying to do long term.

I think we are achieving this level currently, and are at a frontier to increase by 50% in 4 months, soon we won’t need the extra recalibration to calculate our average – I think 10 weeks is certainly enough.

It’s simply a hard figure of the average amount you are earning.

I don’t think it will drop below $500 because I know what kind of position sizes are at the $100p/day level, and we are beyond that and moving up. We might be looking to be doing $1k positions on the main pair as standard and perhaps getting to $400+ on even yen and swiss.

Double means $1400 could be what we’re bringing in, at that stage we’re back on a firm path. You need to not be greedy and remember you’re already ready for basswave, you’re already making moves in russia as an investor who can afford to set up the first branch.

“6acwave is the english speaking networking freelancing and matchmaking hub for nomads, natives and musos. Kiev, Tallinn, Belgrade, Bangkok”

“6acwave is the pop up networking, freelancing and matchmaking hub for english speaking natives, nomads and content makers. Kiev, Tallinn, Belgrade, Bangkok.”

Doubling it means double the profit, but double the risk. You know what the risk is, can you double it and still take it?

Yes. But going back down to $25-26k would be depressing right now and we are keeping it solid until we move snugly back into the $30k zone so we don’t have to feel our trading determines out moves.

So there you have it, we will double it, when we feel we are ready to be able to withstand a $4k hit.

Being that is probably about $34k, when I hit $32k, I will start to pull the levers. Even optimistically, this is a month away. And yet a doubling of everything should produce immediate results. Sharp losses are unfortunate incidences, profits are continually being fed into the matrix of entries and exits.

It would still be difficult for there to be a sudden plunge, because there would have to be a sequence of events that opened up the hedge first to a $30k before the plunge could hit it hard. Maybe you have $100k worth of gap across the crosses and a 2% move could hit you for $2k. Still not that much.

It’s not just that the hedge gaps are smaller now, the system is responsive when a shift occurs, you’re not going to keep that huge gap open if the trend is heading in the wrong direction, you close it up quick.

Only in a huge event risk would you see it move more than 2% before you get a chance to start reacting, and that’s not day in day out trading, that’s a event every month or more that we simply work with.

Remember our plan was to push the margin back to $5k to see what happens.

That doesn’t mean stop cashing out positions with a loss to even the pairs out, but just push up your positions until the numbers move.

House, Darya, what else makes you excited to be happy to live your life? Excited to be alive? Travel.

Still I read back, I struggled so much with depression, the work squeezing the life out of me, the torture I put myself through when the trading begun to turn on me.

I went through a lot of pain, and it makes me realise what a special thing it is that my sweet little darya has to offer.

I met too many people in this life who are just pieces of shit. Darya is not just a beautiful girl and and top grade wifey material. She is a good person, these russian girls are good girls, they’re not a piece of shit. The people you want in your life, I need to take a moment to see how far I’ve come back from the despair I used to be in and how good it is.

My house and my darya will be reasons to always be happy and never really despair like I once did that way, and look how I am describing over two and a half years ago how miserable trading was making me and maybe you don’t see the big fight you finally won just a month ago when you discovered a new way to keep all these dreams alive with what is obviously not much to sacrifice in exchange, giving up the dream we will ever make $10k in a week, at least in the next 5 years.

We said it would be a miracle and we were right, so why not learn to settle for just a little less.

I think we have, I think we accept it now, the negotiations are over, there is to be no warehouses full of proto-revolutionaries. The only people there are going to be is russian girls and the men here they marry. More than a dozen I really don’t see the point in, but that’s a thought for a later time.

I not trying to start any revolution any more. I would like to do my business ideas and have some gigs but I am not taking responsibility for hundreds of people, I am not teaching a coven of teenage girls to trade but I still think these might be fun narrative ideas.

I don’t really even feel that what I am doing in trading is some special technique like I used to.

My account will likely need to be about $100k before I can think of making $3k a week. Really? That seems unlikely.

Dropping more than $10k at that level seems very unlikely, a once a year event. You only need to be holding $50k for that. The worst outcome is we have to start slashing again and soon enough we would be back where we are right now, and that would have to be a sever move. What I can see is that we have the potential to ramp quickly once we refince the technique, and to also some degree, shut it down.

What it says is yes you actually could hit $3k next year if you make the awesome moves. But let’s not go there. Let’s stay with $2k as the top of our range in a confident projection.

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