Focus on focus

by Matt Romantech on December 2, 2017

I woke up for a nice sunday where I thought I would get some angle but my nose is killing me again and I am getting frustrated.

The music frustrates me, the cafes, grey lynn, the clubs, it all used to mean something, now it’s just bullshit. A ghost.

I keep thinking I could do something that was cool but then I face the reality that no one cares and soon enough the meaning of it is all gone, it’s just me sitting there working on some project I’ve chained myself to that doesn’t matter any more.

I’m trying to see my way through to something positive but my nose is just fucking up my whole head.

I feel released from the obsession with trading that held me yesterday and I’m trying to grasp on to that concept that I only need get on with the next thing, and the next thing.

Message darya back. Do the mix for override protocol.

I feel lucky that I get to go to europe.

I get high. I feel happy that the weed can help me put away this frustration that is dominating me.

I can always sit back and relax on my farm and smoke weed and listen to music. I’ve decided what I want to do with my life, impregnate a nice darya from russia, and develop my farms.

If you spent all your money you could still relocate a house. You have to save with your trading, but it’s years away. And the point, for now, maybe it’s best not to have all kinds hanging around.

The way I spend so much time writing but never write anything that I intend for anyone to read. It feels like it’s leading to something that I can’t grasp yet.

RC seems to be slipping away but can’t it all be as a novel? I can’t do the myspace movie and all those ideas when I’m older, I’ll be too old.

And again and again, not just too old for the character, but too old, no one cares about an old dudes vanity project unless its a party, like ohm.

I feel I need to take the time to understand how all this is still relevant. It is in a way, but the stories must be continually updated. I’ve got lots of concepts. Whether they are going anywhere is anyone’s guess.

It comes back to that thing, I need to focus on what I’m doing, not what I’m going to do.

Trying to make it as something isn’t the point, it’s a pointless exercise, you’re always trying for more, and the satisfaction is barely ever there. You have to simply do what you do as an act of doing, in purity.

I’ve got to focus away from obsessing on the trading. I’ve got to take the time to find a version of my content plans that is more modest and works. I’m sitting here dismayed that just like my trading, huge screeds of my dreams have to be torn up.

All that home porn stuff was pure fantasy which was probably indulgent. I was aware I was indulging myself simply because I could. Finding imogen and everything, pure indulgence, except now, you’re disappointed, and whining about your dreams being torn up, when they weren’t dreams it was just some stupid indulgent fantasy that you had allowed yourself because you thought the trading would make you rich.

I think just because you’re not creating right now, it doesn’t mean what you’re doing is not part of the process, we are simply trying to settle down into a peaceful place to get that focus, we’ve got good focus, we need supreme focus. Focus on focus

Remember what darya said about will power. Find the will to find your focus.

Why am I unfocused? Because the trading has shaken you up. It was a bad time in ukraine in september, and another smacking in thailand last month, now I am having another seriously bad situation, 3 months in a row, since before I left, things have gone badly, and I’m exhausted from it.

I’m paying a greater cost than just cash. At least I have accepted that a few hundred bucks is good enough for me because it keeps my dreams in europe alive. I have been taught that if theres $500 for me in trading this week, you be happy with that, and put your dreams of grands away for the future, where you can develop land then.

Here I need to find my focus so the trading doesn’t run my life. Each day, one thing at a time, take care of it, until there’s nothing left.

***

Now I’m reading up on pig farming. If I can have 20 pigs make me $200 each, I’m making more than I would off the weed.

What were my numbers?

$6400 off the dole, $6400 from weed, $6400 from other enterprises – rent, kurb, and organics. If at least $3200 of that was pigs, it would be easy to make up the rest.

Well the reality is the pigs may only make $170 each but here’s the thing. You can do it twice in one year.

It only takes 100 days for a pig to go from 25kg to 125kg, That’s where they go from being worth $100 to $250.

My dad mentioned if I found someone local maybe I could get the pigs perhaps not cheaper, but easy to get here.

I guess that’s what I’m seeing, dole, weed, and pigs – making me $18k, any extra money I have I can put into my land or my car or . . . potential girl related costs, or whatever miscellaneous expenses I might identify to give me some sense of progress.

I just wish I could get my head clear, but I can’t seem to go to it. I feel like something bad will happen . . . or maybe I’m just addicted to where these thought processes are leading me.

Now, I’ve come up with one of my best ideas yet.

Swap the pigs for labour.

Target south auckland, trade the pig for $300 worth of labour, that could be 3 guys working most of the day.

This idea I thought was incredible because there is no way you’re not going to get takers for this and that is why I would directly target churches in south auckland.

All you need to do is find a way to convert the labour back into cash, but the most obvious thing is that they can build more sleep outs and structures. My dad mentioned they could be so useful when it came to disassembling an unwanted out building, and reassembling on the farm.

What is so amazing about this is that I have now connected directly from how to extract value from this property to how I wish to reinvest that value – by adding buildings and structures to the property.

Eventually, russian girls will live in them and work for free, attracting guys to buy our organic products and come and live on the farm and work for free, making and selling organic products, hampers and juices and weed and such.

That’s where you finally realise the cash.

It doesn’t matter if you spend $800 on pigs and get $3000 back in labour, spend $5k and get two new sleepouts put up. The property is now worth $20k more.

It’s a long process of waiting for a bargain. There’s one auction here at $500! $380 to dismantle, that’s where my pigs come in.

What this means is your savings will go down. But what were you saving for anyway? Space where workers who come to develop the property further come to stay. In the end you have a property where up to a dozen people live, grow a lot of food they also eat, add value, and sell about a grands worth, which I keep.

In order for that to happen, the buildings and the gardens must be developed. The pigs create the opportunity for the buildings to be developed, so that german girls come and help develop the gardens and the cooking operation.

I said I wouldn’t spend the money unless I thought of something worth spending on. But I just need to think what else I could get these guys to do for a pig.

The point is, I know I could do 40 pigs a year, even if it cost me $4k, knowing I would likely sell 20 for $5k and get $6k labour from the rest,

There are plenty of $1 garages for removal. That’s right, swap 2 pigs and a $1 for a garage.

Or more likely maybe 1 pig and $500 for good building materials to put something together later, requiring another pig.

$250 on the pigs, $500 on the garage, I’ve got myself my new sleep out, $2k would get me on my way, so likely I could have got 2 free sleep outs if I got 16 pigs that cost me $1200 and sold 12 for $3k

I didn’t make the $6k I hoped to, but I got my free sleep outs. If somehow I can do that this year, it will be impressive. Even if I just got 4 pigs and swapped them for 2 $1 garages plus the cost of the 4 piglets, that’s a pretty good move.

I could also do my bricks this way, concrete, and I see decking too.

I also see that some of the pigs may only be here for 2 months before they are eaten, because the lads will gladly do the same job even for a smaller pig.

I could swap 500 bricks for a pig, how many bricks do I need? Probably a few thousand to start, but for 6 pigs? sure.

It seems pretty obvious that if I can raise 100 pigs on this land over the next few years, I can get $30k worth of work done, so that I have all the garages, concrete, decking and brickwork I need.

Isn’t that what you wanted? But also, a way to continue to access the services you need? More buildings, more decks, more bricks.

What else is the money for? Yes you could use a couple more grand just to have a nicer life overseas, $350 a week would be nicer in the cities you’ve picked than it was last time. Yes you want a few grand spare for a car or other big purchase. But mainly, you just want to develop your property.

It just occurred to me that this could scale completely, and even when you buy land again, go straight to more pigs. Pretty soon these guys will come to you with garages, bricks, decking timber, that they’ve sourced themselves.

This is great, but what about your money to go overseas? You need money from your trading, this time and every time, because your pig money is house money.

You still have $500 from the dole, weed, kurb and rent. That’s $16k, you’re $1k short for your trip, that’s where your trading comes in with pocket money, money you need, $200 a week tops.

A model for next year is still a $3k dip to $45k, raise $3k from weed and pigs, you still need to make $100 minimum from trading. If we drop to $43k, well, no big deal.

It’s looking so brighter, dole, weed, pigs – can’t be stopped, nothing is going to stop those. I will always earn.

I can afford to be abrupt with my trading and take the loss because even though I am building back so slowly, I have new plans so that I can fulfill some of my ideas.

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