Girl Talk

by Matt Romantech on February 7, 2018

It was good to message darya last night, because as I said the irrationality of grinding on the video getting nowhere when it felt so pointless while forsaking to message darya was just not right.

Part of this whole deal has been coming round to where I was a few weeks ago – going and getting me a darya and doing a baby to her vagina is pretty much the whole main mission now.

Like, once the baby comes out you can pretty much relax, your life is over.

That might be a relief.

This is kind of like I said, what I’m dealing with. You’ve got to go and get her, and that’s the big job.

Like, forever.

Writing to her and writing out all my plans in a real simple way a russian girl could understand, was a good exercise to focus.

Get one russian girl, get her knocked up, get another russian girl, find some dude for her, get them to run the farm so that me and my russian girl can travel around the world most of the year.

The simplicity of it is kind of numbing to me, I don’t quite believe that that is what it all comes down to.

I sit here, I’ve sat here for so long, and now that is what it all comes down to.

I tried to work out what it is I am supposed to be doing. It’s not money. It’s not art. That’s all going to happen as it’s going to happen.

I so desperately wanted to get my tour videos done so I could get my kurb videos done, so I could finish my archive and focus on basswave.

But that’s just going to happen anyway and there is no explicit reason to rush – the only reason is so you can bone more young ukrainian girls and play yourself in your little videos, both of which constitute the far edge of what is really likely to happen, that is, you decide to be happy with your little darya, and you only do a few of your stories in a way that is kind of modest.

None of this changes that I have to do my video, I can’t really concentrate fully on some of this other stuff, going into some more archiving stuff, while I’m still working on it.

I am making my plans for basswave. I won’t have a space. I will have a website and I will promote it.

The idea is getting a handful of people together, a team, so if I can’t do that pushing my website, I will have to get more aggressive with my networking, but here’s how it is:

Because I will never ever need more than a few girls to come to NZ and more than a few staff, I don’t need to have a space unless I can afford it. The better strategy is to use the next 2 years to build slowly, focusing on a girl for me as well as girls for the farm which brings up the next thing:

Finding me a girl would be the biggest asset, because she understands better than me, what motivates a girl to move to the other side of the world, and this introduces some of my biggest advantages:

Girls want to feel safe – they want to know they are going to be safe because they are with their friend, and their friend’s husband – they have no reason to believe something dodgy is going on and of course my wife will understand better how it would be the right way to unfold things, much as I have identified trying to get kiwi guys to go to eastern europe is near pointless when the frenzy will kick off if I bring the girls here.

Again what does it say? You’re going to be so much more effective when you’ve got a woman to run it and it’s another thing going for darya, the sooner I get locked in, the sooner I can access that, and now you’re open up a new angle – there is something beyond doing babies to darya.

I can’t help but dwell on the hard truths that are.

The smiths and the cure are great bands who make incredible music about what it’s like to be a sad boy, but it just hits me so hard, that you listen to music about what it’s like to be a sad boy, and you are stuck there, you are trapped as the sad boy.

I keep reflecting on it, if it’s not darya, there will be another one, there’s plenty of them, but these men will never take the initiative.

I can’t be dismayed that more men don’t want to go to russia and trade forex, that’s ridiculous, it would only mean watching other dudes come back from russia, rich, with beautiful hot wives who adore them, and feeling that little ping of jealousy. Now that I know, and most don’t, I am grasping at superiority as I despair more men aren’t doing what I am doing and I have to keep my mouth zipped because people who have made bad decisions will not start making good ones if you continue to make them feel bad about the bad decisions they have made.

It’s the twitter mindset – I don’t want to use my knowledge for anything other than making sure you know I have more and better knowledge than you.

Stupid. It’s a trap.

I experience this because I am so challenged by this video. My brain looks for other paths because I can’t deal with the fact it seems to hard technically to put the video together in the way I want it.

What this means is you are frustrated at your skill level.

I am amazed by editors who can make the most benign found footage into a thing of drama, emotion and shock.

I am frustrated I can’t do it, even as I attempt to perform every single task and role usually performed by teams of trained people. Stupid.

I am trying right now to find stylistic compromises that allow me to simply achieve what I am trynig to do – get more footage of me and my life up online so that it’s established there as part of my body of work, my origins, the formative material you can trace more developed themes that come later back to.

It seems indulgent to be looking at the artist I will be looking back at me, but then . . .

It actually seems super smart. Because it allows me to see I can’t expect to produce work right now that is of a high standard, I don’t have those skills or resources.

I am holding this dream inside that in 10 years time when I’ve done myspace and I am a known DJ doing various projects I’m in amongst, you know my background, you know I’ve been in it doing real shit for fucking years, and it wasn’t glamourous. It was business, it was shitty tours, it was trading and freaking out morning and night, it was dressing up as a pirate.

I’m a fucking weirdo, here is my strange journey. I’m not even a weirdo. I guess I always wanted to create myself as a sympathetic character – like a gervais character, like david brent, not especially likable, but relatable.

The way gervais makes you sympathetic to david brent even though he is so odious.

That’s genius.

***

If there are other girls here, they can do everything, the garden, the pigs, cook huge amounts of food, look after darya while she has babies coming out of her, I just sit in my little area and trade and smoke weed and write beats and run around the block.

Eventually I’d make enough money from trading to do all my stupid dreams, and technology, animation – in ten years if I’ve got $20k they can probably make me look 25 in the movie. they can make me look 35 and imogen look 30.

And debbie and faith, and I can do my stupid revenge thing, so that it’s such a ragged path of histories leading to the final form, agents of soros.

This stupid fucking tour video, is origin stories for agents of soros, I will not have the money to do anything cool and still credibly play a character in his mid 30’s, and that is a crazy concept, that my character is something that is still developing and I am cast in the role of a flashback for a character that hasn’t developed yet.

The character in agents of soros was once a drug dealer/dj/fuckboi who started a fake online band to pull chicks and became a minor internet celebrity before climbing a tangled beanstalk of tech and online media focused hacks, scams, black hat and bot nets which he failed for many years to turn into various get rich start ups. He was convinced of the power of the mysterious “tiger penis” – an elusive concept of a “ghost in the shell” within modern technology that stemmed from ancient supernatural forces influencing a cosmic struggle played out in world history – to allow him to predict moves on the forex market before they happen as did “master” soros.

At the commencement of “agents of soros”, this extremely odd, mentally unstable and unpredictable man claims to deliver missions to the “agents” directly from soros, which would be highly dubious if not for the almost supernatural ability he occasionally exhibits to rally vast resources and tap hidden networks and contacts in pursuit of various quizzical objectives and absurd outcomes set for the agents from the mysterious soros funded “open society foundation”.

As a dj who started a fake online band etc etc . . . I am on the last of a long series of increasingly unhinged tours that are basically being used by various parties to fill gaps in their lives and becoming increasingly blase and unprofessional in a world that wants homogenous palatable entertainment provided.

It is there to connect several key themes to “reality”, so to speak.

The themes in the road movies of it becomes unhinged, unmanageable, desolate, desperate.

The theme of just faking it because that’s what people want and so that’s what inevitably will happen, and that there is a fall out from

But the whole idea is that I am now working on a character that I can play when I’m older, when I have the money to do something cool, something that keeps the spirit of reality compound alive.

I am no longer a fake singer in a band, when I’m really rich and can afford animation and cgi to make me look young, I can do those stories, but for now, the stories I get to do is the story where I started a modelling agency and ended up becoming a sleazy pimp sex addict with a penchant for school girls with some mad plan to get a group of teenage math genius girls to build the death star – that is, channel the power of the tiger penis.

a dodgy episode already happened when I aggressively seduced a young girl on a video shoot for a horror themed music video – I am going into a captain willard phase where I am doing gonzo porn with random teenage girls I meet and it has started this spiral that has invoked the spirits.

Now we are connecting with the road movies – in king lear I am deposed by the NYL girls and dumped out of the van – in wizard of oz, I only return to play the DJ wizard at the tour launch party, and the final road movie is the final chapter, at the conclusion of the road movie, we don’t see my character again until agents of soros.

What is the audience to assume has happened?

The band members were never killed obviously.

I Wasn’t the dodgy rapist, I had just gone pon farr, the quickening, my whole arc is that the power has begun to come to me, I’ve given up on the NYL show, I just have one more tour to do.

I am launching my new fake band with a party and we are going on tour. Again, edmund, my lead singer, is trying to fuck all my babes I’ve lined up – dotty.

so if you start from the beginning with imogen, it is a whole psycho-sexual descent.

Imogen comes into it after I’ve started the talent agency after dugong manatee, after sexy forex . . .

It’s basically my perverted fall and rise on the path to the tiger penis.

It could even be about me trying to launch the “tiger penis kids” or some such.

It’s just the tone isn’t meant to be foolish. I wanted to do stuff for further and make it intense.

I think Imogen represents, and faith, debbie and camille can all play their part – the last chance to go back to who I was before all this tiger penis stuff took over and that modelling agency and NYL and the tours all melt down, and that is not known again.

It’s all taken over by russians, NYL is now taken over by russian girls.

So althrough from the end of the myspace movie until the end – russia is never meant to come into it, and chronologically, dugong manatee and sexy forex could come after the end and before agents of soros.

after all, in agents of soros, I still dress as a pirate and forex is a theme obviously.

but it could be a loop. sexy forex and dugong manatee are results of my modelling agency, whether its NZ or russia is not the point – the models don’t speak.

It could of happened before imogen, or after dunedin – again dunedin is the final showdown – it could be in NZ it could be in russia – those details aren’t relevant.

what is relevant is that the talent/modelling agency is established, it produces pirate matty and sexy forex material and whether it happened before or after imogen, before or after dunedin, or before or after I reached russia is irrelevant so here it is:

In the unknowable unknowables movie, i am the bad guy, i am the sex fiend after dotty, bitter edmund fucked all my girls in the last tour, at the end of a psychosexual descent into madness, until the end where they escape from me after I try to trap dotty behind and kill edmund. But edmund is getting pushy and tries to rape dotty – it was him who has bad at the party! but in true horror fashion, im not dead, and I kill edmund.

I then call master soros to let him know the objective is complete, I will be in kyiv in 24 hours.

Then I tell dotty she wasn’t meant to escape my trap and is leaving on the first flight out of dunedin and she works for soros now.

I’m not sure where the schizophrenic delusion gig would fit in there.

It’s just the connection between lolita and dotty that is a bit murky.

Anyway.

The whole reason I am writing all of this out is to show that the tour videos I am doing now connect with something that I have every intention of doing in the future when I finally have the money – the agents of soros.

Agents of soros is a plotline and character I can follow even when I’m old if it takes that long.

So when I am sitting in my little workspace while darya and all the girls run the farm, with gardens and pigs, and gentlemen callers who come to stay, I can do my stupid music and my stupid videos.

I did do some things this week – I finished writing incognitus, and a new version of angry fruit video, and made the start of my plans to get ready to leave again, once again discovering, there’s not that much to do especially compared with last time.

I’m actually travelling a whole lot less so the details are way less stress as well – a whole new other angle I’ve caught. This is really massive – I only have a handful of bookings to manage this time, I’m travelling maybe twice a month, not a twice a week.

I may not have that much money left, but $30k I did blow on trading and travel has now set me up to trade and travel ever on.

I was never going to break through until I accepted I needed to do 2 years hard grind, last time, I lost my patience in the second year, but at least I worked that out before I lost that first years progress, so I can say it’s taken a year since I first started fucking things up to fall back to where I was 18 months ago, but at least 18 months ago I was a year in; I only have another year of slog to get back over a grand a week, enough money to give me a pretty good life.

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