Henri definitely had to appear on my blog, because he is an excellent mascot and motif.

I’m glad to have Henri on my blog because he’s a depressing existentialist and I can identify with that, since my blog has become an analagous pit of despair. But . . . well Henri is aloof in not being conscious of himself at all. Go Henri.

Vid really brings back memories of reading Sartre and Camus and the torturous, grinding tedium of it. Good times.

“We cannot escape ourselves.”

I can remember that vaguely from my teenage readings. What does the truth in it say?

You are who you are, and you can never reason beyond that, and so somehow you are fundamentally thwarted by your own sluggish egocentric perception, you are limited in your faculties. In kind of alludes to some kind of circular rut in your thinking, simply returning again to the mere thought you are who you are, you are where you are, there is nothing beyond that.

Are we some how made weary by awareness of our own limitations?

Philosophy from a stupid cat video. That’s what it is around here.

Videos and songs that I do are important I guess, I mean that’s why I started this blog – because I wanted to be a guy who writes a blog because I do music and videos even if I don’t actually write about music and videos all the time it’s kind of all part of the creative experience of existing and creating and being about that.

But we have to get back to our guru stuff also because it’s a little bit weird when you’re trying to do songs or videos but you keep disappearing down these metaphysical rabbit holes.

Actually now I’ve been working hard as well as working on music and videos so I don’t know – I think I may have made some progress in being more conscientious, or just having the dual focus of working not too hard, not so hard that you lose day to day focus on more creative stuff, it’s awesome, I’m making money and I’ve got new music and new videos in preparation, I’ve managed to get them both under momentum . . . and thus why we’re not updating the blog so rapidly.

I gave up sugary treats as well which was good. The main point there is in realising you don’t actually need the thing. I the only reason I wanted chocolate, was because I was a chocolate eater. Stop eating chocolate, you stop wanting chocolate.

But more gurucore vibes are waiting to spring up because y’know maybe I write songs and do videos and stupid blogs but I’m like a philosophical and intellectual explorer. I’m not an expert, I’m a journeyman really. Writing 100 blog posts about abstract philosophical and life shit doesn’t mean I know that much, but enough to keep going because I’m making progress I just wanted to look over that stuff.

The rest of this post is from before the tour when I just had too many philosophies and ideas bubbling up and I knew eventually I was going to have to get back to this stuff, ribbon farm, ricky raw, even the chateau have been publishing stuff worth going over and it’s only going to add to the brew of concepts and thought.

Ribbon farm did a yearly round up post of all his top posts of the year, that alone is going to be bulging with knowledge and thought.

So go back to january and I’m blogging and doing insane archiving and themes and threads are starting to get out of control on this blog I need to try and bring them together I’m kind of like an amateur $2 guru, I don’t really know what I’m talking about on my blog, I just talk and hope to become less wrong.

There comes a day when music and money and girls just don’t matter. I would have guru’ed up fully by then anyway. Why rush it?

I remember Ambrozia and the wild tension between us, but what of it? Am I dead already? Let that matter some other time.

Remember that Cranberries song? My father, my father, he liked me . . .

Almost awkwardly desperate, but isn’t that really all we are? Here I am, I’m about to die, did you know that my special moments were special? Fancy that.

You’re going to die. It brings your life meaning, you only live once. If you want to start to understand life, realise that one day it ends, and go from there. So what’s on Romantech’s $2 Guru menu? It’s all art and philosophy here.

Choice – is the only thing we have control over, so it defines us. I choose to write, because I choose to think, and I try to understand.

Narratives – Narratives represent how choices are depicted – narratives can be goldilocks and the 3 bears, the hare and the tortoise, or it can be the expectation that you get a job, partner with the opposite sex and have a nice normal family and life

Characters – I just came up with that . . . but I didn’t finish this sentence! Characters, within a narrative are defined by their choices. I think that’s what I was on

Enjoyment – motivations. resolutions? Understanding enjoyment and what it is. I had the same thing earlier with “fun” but I think fun is a type of enjoyment, when we try to understand enjoyment more deeply we see that having fun isn’t the only way to have enjoyment.

Reality vs. Fantasy – this is an ongoing fight that has threatened to erupt once again. Are you better grimly confronting reality or disappearing into a complete fantasy, or obviously – now it comes to me – where is the balance that is optimum?

There is a factor . . . in the balance of you and everybody else.

There are 2 you’s, the you you are to you, and the you you are to everybody else, the public you. What matters most, that you’re true to yourself or you’re true to an idealised perception? Or, not even an idealised perception, just the truth that who you are in your head and who you are perceived to be can never be truly reconciled.

This is pretty abstract because it comes down to the concept of how an individual perceives himself to be perceived, if you accept that these are 2 different realities than what allegiance to you bare to each one?

Are you you for selfish reasons or do you exist only at the intersection of how those who surround you define you?

Who defines who you are? You define yourself by your choices, isn’t that the whole idea this blog is going on? But those choices take place in a context of compromise that is society, the whole of civilization is a compromise of conflicts vying for dominance.

I’m not sure if that recap will be any good, while I was away I was all off away and on about some concept of non existence, because non existence is nothing, there is only existence, and therefore a reality of what that existence is. Does it want to exist? Yes, because it does. Why does it want to exist?

Because it exists to change. Evolution and progress are agents for change whether objectively considered good or bad. Change is purpose in itself. Does existence want to change? Well yes and no, the point is, it does change. And if it changes there must be some driver of that change, the evolutionary, progressive nature that is life, it must exist otherwise nothing would change. So there is a reason for that driver of change to exist, what is it?

My concept of god is that there is a reason that this happens. If there was no external force or purpose, then nothing would change. It would just exist. The fact that change occurs, shows evidence of a force in action.

If it didn’t exist it wouldn’t have meaning, but because it does, it means that change reality, it is a binary code of changing and not changing. There is no binary between existing and non existing. You exist, and then you change your existence.

The force that acts upon reality to change existence is the presence of god. We can’t know why so many things are, they are in the mind of god, slowly they are unravelled by science, the character of the machanics, but little of the purpose.

We didn’t mention above the concept of the unknowable. God is the unknowable, the unknowable allows us to set realistic boundaries on existence, but in the past, people called this the mystery of god, and nothing has really has changed.

Evolution and conflict and progress exist but we don’t know why, it’s not that only god knows, but that nobody knows, but whatever it is, god is good as any other label to describe what it is that seems to drive the universe on.

I can’t help but feel that if change exists it is taking everything somewhere with it. Where is it going? Why?

That is the unknowable, the unanswerable and has no meaning, perhaps you need to leave god to do it’s thing and do what you feel is what you should do within the confines of that.

But that’s the point – enjoyment that asks nothing of anyone, yet holds out joy. I don’t ask people to read my blog, I write and blog because I question. I question and I long to understand. Now, I go back to one of my favourite topics, girls, to illustrate my point.

Girls are basically one of life’s greatest joys, there’s just something about them that is awesome, not just them being hot, and scoring them.

For a blogger who is a thinker and ponderer, there is a kind of uncritical logic to getting up in the morning and pestering women to sleep with you all day, every day. But I question. Who does that make you if you’re wandering around being sexually obnoxious? This calls out the Don Draper figure once again. Don draper carries a dignity that means he doesn’t have to be obnoxious to women, so nor would he be.

I have made very strong commitments in order to get my money, I made choices there. I made commitments to doing business with dignity, which meant some very hard knocks which I got back up from.

It was hard. But I kept telling myself I was doing my best, I was just trying to do the right thing.

I’m not too lazy to chase average girls, you’ve got to remember girls have feelings. Chasing an average girl just for sex isn’t acting with any dignity, but Don Draper would do it anyway. That doesn’t make it right. But Don Draper doesn’t really chase average girls. He just wants sex and gets it.

But as we slip and slide within the archetype, we look for a comparison. The pain of honouring my business commitments with dignity when I had made mistakes and poor judgement made me into someone who got it right.

Part of me thinks I am just too scared of hot girls. A hot girl will give you both barrels. I like to write about myself because I like to think and ponder such things. When you come to understand be informed about your choices you are empowered.

If I walked around being sexually obnoxious, I may luck in, but I’m still a guy who walks round being sexually obnoxious. Would I choose that? Well what if, theoretically, it worked, and you managed to meet really great girls? Let’s just admit it, of course I would. But more likely, that’s not how it would go.

What’s the point I’m making here? I know I was trying to show you why blogging

Man that post yesterday on narrative and philosophy was bringing mad guru game up in this.

It doesn’t really eventuate to a lot of conclusions really, but I try, I just diddle on my journal it’s better than TV or games, I’m into my head man. I’m an artist, ok?

It’s all reduced to conflict and conflict is a story, is part of a narrative, is life and can be expressed by art.

Conflict is so natural and desirable that you would never want to destroy your enemies because as long as they test you, you are being challenged to be a better version of yourself in order to come against the conflicts that are inevitably in cycle for anybody.

You have to accept conflict as natural and as artist, a natural and essential part of the narrative.

Grabbing for all the goodies and harshly labouring and gloating in victory and kicking the enemy when they’re already down, none of that character is appropriate, because you’re just fueling more unresolved conflict. You’re on the conflict treadmill. But you need to be telling stories. What?

Well the stories are the natural descriptions of the conflicts? I mean the choices are the stories and the stories are art so therefore choices are art?

Well conflict is inevitable so your choices completely define everything. So what do you weigh your choices on? Experience and perception? Understanding?

Understanding is a lot of hard work.

See I’m not guru enough yet because half the time I don’t make sense. Well tell us what you want?

To be relevant, but the thing is as an artist, you gotta do you. But what if people don’t like you? Well what do you really want, there it is, the choice again, do you want to be an artist or do you just want people to like you? Do you enjoy the feeling or do you just feel like you need it, like a cigarette, or a drink, or a chocolate bar, a root, or a piss?

You want to be relevant.

Not famous, but aware and having some kind of association by which you have insight, knowledge, common experiences with others.

Well you’ve got to be so in their face with what you’re doing. Your message has to be strong, and I may not be top notch guru material because I’m not all about clobbering messages, and dualities, dichotomies and dialectics, I don’t know what’s going on. I just probably know more than most dudes walking around on the street. I know that’s not that humble, but I’m aware it’s just an assumption.

Where’s the clear message, where’s the clear story?

Your conflicts are your story. Your conflicts and the choices, your agency, that changes the nature of those conflicts.

I’m not preaching the gospel, I don’t have a dogmatic approach. How do you brand for an audience if you don’t have a message and once you’re refining your message for appeal isn’t it immediately diluted? That’s how I feel, I’ll spout nonsense on my blog night and day because it’s my right as an artist, and I’m more interested in expressing myself and understanding than summoning a pack of zombies to follow my word.

What’s the manifesto?

Do we choose to define ourselves by our audience? If more people like what we do as artist, is it more meaningful? How meaningful does it have to be to matter to you?

It’s like wealth. It’s relative. Do you feel rich? Do you feel lucky?

“Do you feel lucky” is obviously a theologically loaded philosophical proposition. Do you feel lucky, IE do you believe in fate/predestination?

But if you believe like I do that the universe has a will, then is there such thing as luck, if that’s the story already told? I think more realistically whether clint eastwood shoots anyone is not something that really matters in the greater scheme of the universe. But that’s simply just not true, because everything matters. If Clint Eastwood shoots somebody then it was meant to be for unknowable reasons beyond our comprehension.

Do you feel lucky? It’s the choices we make when faced with conflict that define us.

I choose to blog to resolve the conflicts of the unknowable, that some things we will never understand and we’re better to stay within the bounds of what we know.

And god spoke saying, go ye with a restful mind that these tasks I have set for you will give you rest, and you shall find peace in the everlasting kingdom.

“Different day, same shit, until one day, different shit. But still shit.”

Why am I not a normal person, a normal musician or artist who would blog relevant items? It’s just not really what I think about.

Creating art – expressions that depict and describe experiences – seems like the only relevant response to existence in my experience. Understanding is an undertaking in itself. The deepest complexities of existence are so deep to ponder that you have to be an artist to try and make sense of some of your experiences, or insight you’ve received into the complex nature of all things. How can you understand what it’s like to exist in the world without art?

You can run around and get all the money and all the girls, but what does it mean? If you define yourself by money or girls, you’re always losing the game to someone with more money or better girls. Life can’t be that one dimensional, money and girls – if you see them as just money and girls, it’s reductive of the real benefits derived from working and relationships.

Fame, recognition, respect, acclaim, is divorced from the merit from which it derives if you merely see it in terms of outcomes. A story is about development and resolution, if it started at the end there would be no story, just an outcome, and an outcome existing in such isolation is meaningless, and it doesn’t reflect a non static reality.

It’s not about money or girls or recognition and artistic realisation, it’s about your constant journey in regards to those aspects of our immediately present existence.

I been connecting with a lot more people recently. Probably I don’t know, somethings going on, maybe it’s portentous.

And I have to get organised for my tour. Like I’m definitely away for a week doing at least 4 gigs so I need to get my camera situation sorted out, I might need that 60d NOW.

I don’t care man. I want to film some stuff and maybe play some gigs while I’m away.

I key mix now man, it’s all good. Like, 90% of my mixes are pretty sweet – I think just particularly because of what I play being that I’m into deep melodies, my stuff HAS to be in key to work, and all of a sudden your sets are all making sense like a pro DJ, it all just seems to work.

It’s not as important as beat matching obviously, but at this (late) stage of the game, for me, it’s massive. It hasn’t made me a much better DJ but it has made me much less crap. I would have to work hard to play sets that were poor now, but I still think it might be awhile until I can bring beatmatching to the upfm show, 2 shows now, upfm and bassdrive, man! Well, the investment in DJing is getting quite deep, so we need to follow through.

I was just thinking about an army of dogs who live in grey lynn park and have secret bases an army ranks.

Do you go and tell a story about a dog army? What does it mean?

There is nothing but the story. The narrative.

In my philosophy, all things are at all times in conflict, everywhere. It is natural, and the suppression of natural expressions of conflict is detrimental. Conflict isn’t bad in itself unless it results in destruction, which is also natural and not necessarily bad. As long as you understand the resolution of every conflict is only transporting you to the next conflict, infinitely. How you deal with conflict expresses more than the details or subject of any conflict, regardless.

The stories and narratives that give our lives meaning are built on conflict.

Man I am clueless today. I hear the “voice of god” telling me to sort it out, but I really can’t manage it, like there’s some frailty to this paradigm I can’t quite comprehend. What I mean is that there’s much more than what I perceive, this world where you go to school and go to work and fuck your wife and go on holiday, and have kids and go back to work and not work and fuck your wife and not fuck your wife, and raise your kids and not raise your kids until you die. I’m certain there’s more.

The more I dwell on the thought that the thing that allows to have thoughts, that is, my brain, is not truly who I am but, simply a tool of other forces such as your genes that merely want to endure.

My body moves my brain around, sends it information and alerts it to threats. My brain allows my body to perceive complex notions of how systems work. Who really is me? If me doesn’t matter, outside of my physical existence and my mental existence, is there only my genetic existence?

The point is, without needing to go too deeply into it all is that I want to survive. How I survive in a modern context is governed by choices that are responses to conflict. Conflicts and the choices made to resolve those conflicts are the essence of stories. and stories are art.

It’s about what you truly want at whatever level you define yourself to be. What you truly want defines you and defines your story.

A story can often be more about discovering you wanted something different to what you thought you wanted. That’s why I’m interested in stories about fame and recognition because I think young people get sold on an image of winning approval and recognition through fame. I just want to be relevant.

Your physical self wants to eat and sleep and sex and maybe run around a bit sometimes. Your mental self wants to be valued and to have mastery and control, to exert dominance and amend the conditions to your favour.

How can you write drum and bass and do stupid youtube videos and a blog when you’re just some puppet to your genes? Well if a puppet is what I am, then I’m a puppet. My tunes and videos and blogs are reflective of my experience in this existence.

I want to get all the money and girls and attention, but so does everybody else! Society can’t function purely on the basis of our egos all crawling all over each other, clambering for gratification of base needs. But the fact that I’m aware of this makes it even more important that I try to comprehend it in a creatively expressive manner.

Is what I’m saying relevant? Does it mean anything to anybody else? Maybe that’s the question I should be asking.

Social manipulation is the currency of our times. In times past, larger more aggressive males held power. Now it is the socially agile and adaptable who exert power. How do you express the conflict of our present situation, it’s complexities, without stories and art?

As you try to climb the ladder, getting more money and better girls and more artistic manifestation, you just place yourself on a linear continuum, continually cycling through new conflicts, stories, one after the other, endlessly. Different day, same shit, until one day, different shit. But still shit.

How do you relate to your problems knowing they are basically endless? Well some problems are worse than others in regards to maintaining a minimum standard, but really when understand each conflict as a story it’s different . . .

Cos I write long posts, sometimes I go back to the beginning and try an explain what I found out – so you don’t have to read the whole stupid thing.

We need to do what we’re doing while we’re here, and it is looking very much like the new high tech goths have to party in a new way, and it’s really about helping our people to feel included and part of a community, that rejects zombie behaviour patterns, and really, invests into non material benefits. These people have money, they need to feel connected and involved, and that can’t be all around who’s the best DJ and all that nonsense like everything else I’ve ever done, that stuff has to go out the window.

It’s not about some cause because there’s no point. You’ve got to dull yourself to the endless rhetorical narrative that wants to sell you on zombie ideals, we reject zombie-ism. Everything that’s right is going to happen, just maybe not in our lifetimes, or in many generations, our best choice is to create non material resources so people can be devotedly uncommitted to causes in general.

These are based on rave ideals I’ve always had, but it’s almost like, as so often happens, you’ve dug deeper and hit a revitalizing spring of inspiration. I guess this whole idea of not committing to anything except for immaterial collective wealth is pretty out there. It’s also easy to manage, because we’re actively non committed.

We’re committed to parties and artists performing and people connecting and having a good time, but not to any crusades to do anything. We obviously need a whole new post to explore the political side of this concept.

But let’s go back to the beginning because blogging doesn’t always feel that smart but once you get your motor running . . .

Look – I’ll keep second guessing, as long as I always think I write drivel, I will always be compelled to try and rise above my own noise and deepen the signal.

I don’t care, I’ll just keep blogging til I get it right. A lot of people don’t have that privilege of thinking, or just blogging relentlessly until you keel over or you manage to put together a thought that makes sense. they got family, partners, kids, jobs, mortgages, situations, obligations, thinking it all through for them is a luxury, and I’m sure one that could have afforded any one of us a different path.

I’m never really sure if blogging all the time is any good for anything but it’s a lot better than doing nothing. I’m not playing some video game, my brain is being worked. Doing nothing is easy, and the opportunity is everywhere. That’s why I like money, it’s fairly easy like a video game, just trying to complete mission and get the points.

I talked about juggling, running a business is one thing, but then you’re trying to be a muso and a videographer as well? I think maybe the truth is all I can manage right now is a business and a blog, and trying to push the music and images out through the gaps.

There it is. A speck of golden truth, isn’t it beautiful? I blog because I can’t write influential beats and make relevant videos, but I also blog because I don’t plan on giving that up, and I’m serious about it, serious enough to have gone through all the motions enough times to recognise you need to have a grip on what you’re doing if you hope to do something decent.

There are kids out there who take themselves more seriously than I do and a probably not as skilled as I am, but that’s just life. It doesn’t matter whether your beats are better than the kid’s down the road. It’s about what it’s about to you. I think that was the point where I figured drawing attention to yourself was stupid. Telling people to check you out etc., it’s dumb. If people want to check you out they will. Concentrate on trying to come up with something better, more relevant.

Just because I know some kids around and I think my stuff’s better, that’s not an artistic statement about anything.

I’m looking for a big idea. Not a statement, but an idea that drives statement and intent, gives aim and direction to your passion and drive. I’m slowly pulling away from the money making dominating my head for the last few years. But making money is something I’m good at and enjoy, so when I talk about big ideas, I’m talking about ideas that embrace my skills and my passions, somethign you can immerse yourself in because you enjoy it, and you’re good at it as well. Selling mp3’s online isn’t a big idea, it’s not inspiring or new or compelling, touring is exciting but I need a lot of stability to function at my best.

The tone of my business blog is shifting because I’m being honest about business – I don’t want to make any more money, I want to enrich the experience of the work I do and what we can achieve. When I talk about big ideas, I need to start pulling all this rambling about concepts together and stacking them into something that works.

I was talking about organising and connecting with people who are not with the zombie masses, and that the only solution maybe to party. Maybe I need to go back to being organised with events, and gigs and parties in auckland that are underground but with a huge difference.

Every event I ever done was about making me look good, as a promoter, if not a DJ as well. It’s part of what I was saying, the “check me out” culture, the myspace culture, it’s retarded. What’s the meaning in doing anything if it’s just about drawing attention to yourself? And that has an essence of the new nature of the hive, when will it be considered tasteless and unsophisticated to be an attention whore? When will the new heroes of the underground rise?

That’s what I miss about the 90’s, the underground, it was real, everything wasn’t all online, you had to know. Is the underground dead?

“The underground is dead, you and I have killed it, all of us it’s uploaders.”

I’ve been planning this search party, what if there’s nothing out there? You’ve still got to look. God, we’re coming to find you! Gosh that’s some rich text, maybe suggesting the research lab is a metaphor for gos, which would make sense since the research is carrying out experiments in choice pathways and mechanisms.

Crazy.

The point I was trying to string together about this relates to convening and connecting with the gothic high tech people who are attempting to reanimate and live. Partying maybe the only way to do that. Or basically, organising events in line with those who recognise the needs of the enlightened to get up on some middle class bullshit.

Why should we pretend, why be romantic and unrealistic about the greater existence of humanity – a network can only be as effective as it’s reach and right now I am a network of 1. I think maybe trying to go out and have events is a nice idea, but we need to take incremental steps toward those full possibilities.

People are walking around dead and they have to connect to reality rather than owning stuff and owning people and gratifying themselves as thy seek respite from fleeing startled from each new challenge. Can you create a space where art is existing, and knowlede is being shared and social vibes are present?

Like a music area, an art and knowledge area, and a social area? That’s what I’m talking about the underground being dead, because I bet most of this stuff is happening as corporate events. But we can’t assume. We need a search party, we need leads. Information.

But we have to be prepared that if there’s nothing out there we’ll have to do it ourselves. To me connecting with other people who are like minded, that is those not interested in hypocritical and philosophically impoverished vanity crusades, whether the aim is to liberate or subjugate.

The world isn’t ready for a solution, and the solution is not in more self gratification, but in communities of participation that connect people to values that exist beyond ownership and possession. People are over invested in control. We need to replace that with value that isn’t money and career, it would be so idealistic if it wasn’t such a new zealand thing, we keep it alive here, the value of enjoying simple things.

There are aspects of hippy values, but ultimately it’s not hypocritical or idealist – we know we are privileged, and we know the world is not ready to change, our focus is on filling human need for community and connection that the current system breaks down. There needs to be more social freedom and interaction, not this closed behaviour of most clubs where the lowest common denominator makes it socially alienating for more intelligent people.

We’re trying to create an atmosphere where intelligent people can enjoy themselves and relax, and not be judged, and be stimulated not in some cheap manner designed to peddle overpriced drinks. Going alcohol free to me is not a high price to pay.

We’re going to get back on to all input we’ve been getting into our psychological research centres. Don’t forget the search party is on it’s way – will they discover the lab . . . only to learn they were the experiment and there is no mission? There is no other dimension where I’m a space captain?

It’s all been in my head? It’s pretty sinister stuff, okay.

Before we get on with century of the self and all the gothic hi tech individuals you need to understand that I am pretty much full on gurucore, okay? Well maybe not full on but definitely kind of tanked up amongst potential new young gurus on the scene. I mean thinking is pretty hard work sometimes, like writing a song, it starts to get easier just to check twitter or read blogs, but you have to get in there like a montage of a champion in training and pump those brain cells.

Look, I’m not saying I’m some sort of genius or that I have all the answers, I’m all new to this guru game, okay? But simply because I’m interested in a lot of knowledge, and not only that but I at least try to write about it some, well that qualifies me as having some gurutastic qualities, it’s like something I read on a feminist blog about the importance of testament, they were talking how it’s important for a woman’s perspective to be recorded simply so there is record of a females perspective.

It’s important to record ideas that allow you to represent your unique perspective. It doesn’t have to inspire people, and I don’t feel like it should, but simply the fact that I am being made aware of certain ideas means I can form a perspective, whether it resonates or not is not the point. This concept of testament was big with me when I was 19, what are you here for but to describe what you see?

What is the point of the energy you have when you’re alive if you don’t use it to create something, an idea that transcends your physical existence and allows that energy to be passed on and find other forms, as every part of you eventually will? Your existence is pretty much meaningless, but then people start walking round like they were never alive at all.

ZOMBIE ATTACKS COOL BLOGGER

Zombie movies aren’t really that scary, but then the bible is full of crazy stories and I don’t think they were meant to be taken at face value either. Are you scared of pathetic shambling creatures like, swarming you, driven only by their ceaseless drive to feast on your flesh and devour your brains? It seems like there are a lot of people out there just kind of shambling forward and feeding on others but not in conscious way, they long only to feed, mindlessly and ceaselessly.

That’s quite literally, life. You’ve got this matrix programme, the creature wants to live, but then sometimes it shuts down and animals just die.

It’s quite relevant to suppose that dead parts of people are still a part of them and this really plugs into the idea of gothic hi tech that we’ll be getting around to. Dead people walking around “acting dead” like zombies. Back earlier in the year I came up with a fantasy conspiracy narrative that most of the world’s population were neanderthal descendents with limited brain capacity to stop evil groups manipulating them and breaking down the dwindling groups of thinking people.

Then I began to think that nobody likes Kim Kardashian at all. It’s a massive conspiracy, only a tiny wedge of completely weak minded people are actually at the core for any demand of information on Kim Kardashian. The rest of us just have to be subject to this brainwashing message that this porn star with a huge ass is some how supposed to mean something in our lives.

I’m almost sick of the election already it just seems like it’s not really any better than the rugby world cup in terms of being this big stupid show and all the right wingers are being smug and callous and all the left wingers just whine and are righteous. I find myself getting politically agitated.

I mean just on all this social media, you start to see how people aren’t really interested in knowledge and understanding, they’re more interested in some bullshit. It’s a problem for me, or well it doesn’t have to be problematic but more a lost opportunity.

I was going to help Mr. Minto until I heard he was going out to Manurewa East and I’m not going out there.

I can’t talk to poor people and neither can most people who are trying to lead a working class movement. I have no faith in the working class, and this creates a feedback loop with some of our psychological research, that points to a democratic model designed to pander to a fickle and demanding electorate that really doesn’t even understand what it wants.

What we’re talking about here is hypocrisy and idealism so deeply ingrained. It’s not wring that the middle class wants social justice but it’s built on this huge hypocrisy that true social justice would not help the middle class in the short to medium term because the far reaching impoverished and disadvantaged is so huge.

Marx never saw Russia as technologically advanced enough to become a socialist society, I’m starting to believe the guy was out by about 200 years at least on the whole deal. Marx was a hardcore technological determinist, he reasoned that technology in a capitalist society was ultimately self defeating because technology could only ever make more work achieved by less people, thus exploiting a smaller part of the working population even further until you get to what we’re facing now unprecedented levels of unemployment created by the fact that results of technology that should be shared are going to the ruling capitalists as they pay less people to create more results.

What I’m saying is that I don’t think marx realised how far the exploitation of the poor and working in contrast to the ostantation of the rich would go and the tipping point is yet still further, perhaps another century down the tubes, and like everything we;re seeing, will evolve increasingly complex ways. Guys running round the streets like in russia – just like war, revolutions will become far more complex than what we’ve known, again, due to technology.

But basically heading into the election after this bizarre rugby mass group psychology experiment, and already the maoning of the shambling undead has begun. I thought if I helped Minto in the spirit of support for humanity, I could escape the scourge of entitled liberal bleating on twitter ringing in my ears, but it’s pointless.

Intellectual liberals trying to communicate with zombified poor people is just rubbing our faces in the hypocrisy of what we’re trying to achieve, and I would rather be connected with people like me who want a more practical approach. The thing is that’s what social democracy is supposed to represent, a bureaucratic class of people who know what’s best to stop the rich and poor fighting.

But that’s not the future. This is right now.

The election is annoying mainly because of hearing everybody who thinks they know and it’s no longer interesting, it’s hypocrisy across the board. Everyone squealing about how it should be, what does it really matter?

What real difference does it make, we’re still heading in the same direction. It doesn’t make much difference to me, so why do I get politically agitated like I should do something? That I should be telling it to somebody. Because psychologically it represents conflict in my own mind, ultimately to let go is to realise it doesn’t really matter, it’s like the rugby, it’s not relevant.

It’s dead to me. I’ll post my vote for whoever will make life hard for the right, but it doesn’t deserve much thought, it’s almost as ridiculous to say that these politician dudes have an effect on my life as do some guys running around with a ball. It’s not relevant, and it’s not relevant to zombie hordes because it’s dead already, they can’t feed.

We can’t start getting into the gothic hi tech profile just yet, because in this video the guy says we have to stop acting dead in an immediate future where the concept of progress is completely undermined and go on a stuff science binge.

Coming Up . . . A century of the self with Freud gives way to the gothic hi tech, how do we activate to stop the zombie plague? How do we stop acting dead?

As I say, we blog a lot here, and maybe we waste a lot of time, but we get to think and sometimes I start thinking about moving on. Sometimes when I’m not going anywhere, it’s ggod to blog just to get ideas flowing again, but y’know, it’s not like I’m trying to make any grand statement, we’re just trying to put one foot in front of the other in a philosophical and artistic sense.

I just keep shutting down aspects of my business so it won’t hold that pre-occupation with me, but I still blog here because . . . well, is it really about search rankings? When I blog I rank well for duplicating CD’s and DVD’s and I make my money and that’s what I do.

But here, well I write my blog, about how I’d like to make some better drum and bass songs, and some better strange videos for youtube, and finding ways to meet more and hotter girls. And I don’t really seem to rank for anything.

Didn’t I see some talk, wasn’t I talking here about something I saw about the power of movement, it’s not just about travel it’s about journeying forward on a physical, geographical trajectory. Because I just went up to dargaville like over a month ago now I think, it wasn’t that great but I came home and I wrote those two songs.

My brain is like a starved beast, I just went up to the university and already it’s popping off, all these vibes springing up because I’m so thirsty for fresh stimulus and changes in my visual field of stimulus, looking at the same shit dulls your mind, and I’m sure I was talking about a talk I watched where the dude explained the positive benefits of progressing through a space.

Who goes “for a drive” any more? When I was a kid, going “for a drive” was still a thing. You’d go for a sunday drive around town, to the beach, out to the bush, it was acceptable to go out just to travel around and I deeply believe I need to start practicing this stuff.

Remember when I was talking about the 4 corners of auckland, and doing that concept, which came from weird journeys I had. I want to get a search party out there, this blog is becoming heavily pro search party but it’s also about next levelism, it’s seems strange and frustrating that I made my money and now I haven’t just erupted into creative industry, but that’s what’s up.

Years of commercial activity has left me in a bubble where I’m primarily programmed for commercial outcomes. I need to rerig the machinery for art and this won’t be simple.

See I was chilling on some alain de botton and all that and they were suggesting you could get more enjoyment out of life by understanding what you want. This was around envy, and the perception you deserve something someone similar to you has, and the meritocracy thta if you don’t have something, then you don’t deserve it anyway.

I’m not sure how that connects with the suggestion that a more natural approach to that which you want that doesn’t involve misguided appropriation of some artificial concept of what constitutes fulfillment, but I ended up saying that we want to be on adventure, where you party and experience and make art.

What do you want? To experience life. To banish this comfortableness, I’m sure I’m guilty of it.

But I’m into some straight up levelisation, levelism, and possibly I can’t party until I get normal with my art situation. It’s clear to me that I’ve come far enough in commerce to take a serious look at my priorities. I need to get people serious about the beats I’m making. I need to get them on the connecting with my videos, I need to do this. I need to do this stuff.

I’m ready to adventure, I’m ready to send a search party out there, search and recovery, but I don’t know if I can feel right with it until I feel right with my tunes and my videos. My money is fine, but when it comes to art, I feel like there’s work to do.

I can’t go out and get smashed and go crazy just because I got lucky with some cash, my music is not where it should be, my videos have not done anything really at all on paper. We won’t know how far it has to go, just like with the money, finally realising it’s okay.

We can finish songs, and we can shoot crazy video. Now we just have to get it done, plug into that creative rhythm, if it means driving across town and back, then so be it. If it has to be done, it has to be done.

More posts having to come out, just started way too many rambling posts and now I’m kind of worried not only will they make my blog boring and self indulgent as ever, but I won’t even have the chance to try and “take away” anything from writing screeds of thousands of words about archives and narratives and facebook and values, it all just kind of melds into a generalised artsy intellectual brown sludge.

But today we reflect on our archival narrative in a broader context and manage to get king arthurs knights running round after the grail which is pretty big, especially when it goes all illuminati with pagan occultists versus insane christian eugenicists.

But anyway I wasgetting started on a major new archiving push, mainly because I’ve been working too hard again and I couldn’t seem to get any art happening, even though I seemed poised to kick it up a level and actually have videos and songs rolling out.

Getting the rhythm right with money art and girls . . . 2 out of 3 ain’t bad? Fast, good, cheap, chose any two?

Why can you never get 3 going right at the same time?

It’s like playing the drums, I was always terrible at playing the drums, I’m naturally pretty unco-ordinated. Well it’s just another riff on the juggling metaphor isn’t it, trying to keep all your balls in the air? Doing the kick snare thing isn’t thaaat hard, but once you try and get the hat going and do rolls well forget about it.

I was a bit disappointed you might say, I thought I had more photos and a couple of my drawings were missing and I thought I would pull more old video tape. I thought I had a tape of us playing in palmerston north, but I guess not. I’ve got no performances of reality compound.

But I found tonnes of writing. I guess I was bummed because you can’t really tell quick stories with writing, but then I just turned up the view that it just means more challenging and different ways to tell stories. I got a bit silly hoping I could make the big production, and then I kind of lost the meaning, was a doing a time capsule or is this artist branding?

Well it’s both, it’s not one thing, it’s 2 things. What people who like my songs and videos see, won’t be what i keep for my personal consideration art and personal reflection aren’t one and the whole thing.

But the good thing was we got into some real dense thematic stuff when the archive allows me to see my own journey and what that story represents.

So we process all this stuff. Boxes of old photos, school reports, drawings etc.

I think the huge thing we didn’t just say . . . is that when you archive, you come to terms with what’s happened to you. As you understand your journey, you accept it and let the crap go.

Sometimes you only you got to a point with a feeling until you dropped it somewhere, and when you pick it up again, in your wisdom and hindsight you’re able to let it go.

I wondered what the point of it all was, did I have something to prove to myself? That I’d had an amazing life, but I simply forgot because I’m always to busy fretting and pondering?

When we have all the raw digital material we can look at what kind of story we want to tell. I’m working off a chronological tree, which cover certain subjects, eras and projects. I will add the content to those as appropriate.

I will also be building rankings for best pics, best songs, best stories, best nights, mad lists, that another kind of grid we’re mapping on.

But then I want to do a highlights reel, the superquick guide, and just to get meta we should have several different versions – same story but told in a different way – history channel doco, e channel style, sitcom, kids show, gritty drama or whatever . . .

. . .

Well I might have wanted to, but i don’t know if we’ll have enough footage, I was a bit inevitably disappointed like i spent the other night getting excited I could build some kind of time machine but I got a bit carried away.

But it allowed me to see I’m doing 2 things, what I’m doing artistically and personally are actually 2 different things.

In art you have the potential to use mystery, shadows and darkness to your advantage. Archiving is also a branding exercise and often a story is told by what is not present, this exercise is about seeing what I’ve got and what story I can tell with it. There are questions for every artist of who are you, and where did you come from, and the brand narrative you want to create.

What is that brand narrative?

What subtext is created by the story as it is told?

What does it mean if I say that I was a smart, weird little kid that fought to become one of the cool guys just to unfold into a world of music, drugs, capers, of internet culture intrigue, of drama in the city, the times of the era, and finally my absolution through hard toil to build my business, that the prodigal son would return and be forgiven.

I think in a way your flaws make you more who you are than anything else, that is essential to the narrative.

Archiving gives me the raw content I have available to deal with the presentation of reality and fashion it into a artistic vibe. Sometimes I just feel as if I can’t beat my own personal vibe so I may as well go with it. Sure, I can be funny, but the fact that I am so naturally doubtful, analytical, worrisome, changeable, is a part of my art. If people like my music and my writing and my videos, it doesn’t mean that most days I’m not straining for meaning to a point that most people would find labourious, but that’s just me.

It’s dramatic in it’s own way, that I have artistic license to indulge the fantastic edge of the reality I experience. What is it?

If I have a good job and I make music, write and do videos, and I have stories of crazy gigs, drug dealing, myspace adventures, I’m stylish and tasteful, it makes me more human and relatable to admit I am anxious and prone to dwelling on the neurotic, overwrought.

I think that’s why it’s “reality” compound, I’m halfway between a character and a real person, the fact that I am real and have reality based reactions creates an instant depth. Most reality shows are fiction pretending to be reality. My concept is reality pretending to be a stupid youtube act.

So in fact the only way to forgive my indiscretions of not being a courageous hero, but instead racked with self doubt is because I am real and when I excel, I attain a true and dramatic triumph, and tell the story of why some people can never quite find their peace.

I think that is the longer arc of the project.

That we must resolve our hopes and dreams into something we can live with. We have a search party which themes on great quests.

And that’s when the thematic concepts kicked off.

The search for the vibe, is like the search for the holy grail, it’s a search for something that represents an ideal and yet the narrative never completely exposes to the characters the futility of searching for an ideal as embody in a concept of the grail. The grail is the powdered tiger penis again, a concept that has been forced to take a tangible form in order to characterize the narrative.

The powdered tiger penis represents the possibility of power that exists in secret and cunning ways, but the power itself reperesents not grinding up a tigers dick but a zen state of serenity and purity from which power and mastery flows.

The Quarterback who flies the f-14 is the ubermensch Percival, the brave and honourable knight of romantic antiquity that quests for the purity of the grail, this links with don quixote who has made guest appearances, and the ill fate of lost quests for nobility. With the grail you’ve also got a knights templar thing going, throwing open the doors on any conspiracy you like, not to mention the full gamut of religious metaphors.

You got knights templar illuminati cats questing for relic power, and they’re connect with act party eugenicists but I was just trying to work it out. So there’s sects trying to blend into society and fascist right wing christians want to speed up evolution by experimenting with eugenics, and shutting down occultists/pagans who preserve ancient ways. It’s kind of hard to tell really.

You achieve progressive, advanced, capitalisitc civilization through christian organisation, but this becomes twisted into arrogant power crazy eugenicists, who want to crush dissent so they can achieve more progress in evolution, but the concept is totally flawed because it’s not about any kind of adaptation. Are the pagan occultists non progressive? We know they may invoke rituals and individual expression and wild sex parties but it’s hard to understand what they want other than to be destroyed by the christian eugenicists.

Well I guess that kind of got crazy but we’re getting far enough for now. When we realise right wing eugenicists in NZ are trying to get the powdered tiger penis / holy grail etc because they don’t want free individuals who don’t love backing the all blacks going around thinking ideas that are not favourable to the advancements of eugenics, then we’re ready to go deeper.

So the powdered tiger penis is just waiting to be revealed as the grail, and the quest alive as ever. The grail, the fountain of youth, represents power in energy and potential renewed.

It also says a very central message – that anyone can be powerful within themselves, that’s the carrot that is held out to us, and it is a real carrot, but capitalism keeps repeatedly beating our heads with the stick so we never have the chance to accept we are powerful.

There are conditions that create the society we live in and I despise the suggestion that this is natural, but just like all kinds of evolution, so must power adapt. Power used to be principally about physical strength, stamina and constitution as it still is in the animal world, yet in our world the concept of power changes, and insightful thought processes as intuitive interaction with technology becomes far more valuable than physical strength.

Ok I went totally off point then, but then well all our message is is some revenge of the nerds, trading places, vibe but what does it really say? That in life we are all relative to our circumstances? Yes so we have to try our best, don’t let some corny rich good looking smart arse pricks act like the run the game, give them a go, fuck them and their arrogance, to think, to assume they have rights others don’t because they were born with money or looks. And that is occultist, pagan, anarchist, chaotic, talk, christianity and media has been about control.

You can’t be controlled by the pervasive suggestion you fit into the system.

I am the imperfect character. I am the genetically unfit, but I refuse to be told I can’t be beautiful and rich and famous and talented. But it’s a vain and desperate and empty world, so you peel back the layers.

To me it’s a very defining thing to bring this richness to my character, I depict that guy who’s just never happy with what he’s got, not just wanting more, but meant for it. It shows my flaw is that while I flout my disrespect for it, I also want desperately to accepted by it, so the long arc is about accepting what your choices really are. When you decide to let go of the value you placed on fame and recognition and respect, you make room for something more important.

The search party goes deep. The search for the vibe goes backwards and forwards. We’re pulling up stuff into the narrative and we can do as we like with it, if we need to sauce it up then we can.

I remember learning that with RC, that if you couldn’t throw down like a boss, the next best thing was to go to the depths of confession, and much amusement could be had with the character for whom nothing is ever acceptable.

People are supposed to see me becoming indignant and petty and see this behaviour in themselves and others, ad reflect on what the true value of seeking recognition, and the game you buy into.

But yeah if the powdered tiger penis turns out to be on some holy grail deal, when you start to wonder about why the space captain has been sent from another dimension well you got to wonder about what kind of vibe we’re talking about. I’m just a marketing guy who makes drum and bass. This is getting insane.

Today it’s not just all the usual non excitement – not talking about loans, insurance and mortgages, but actual boring political philosophy.

We’re in next philosophical gear to get to the next level, it was supposed to be a elaborate break in, but we’re still really in the planning stage at this point.

Today is a straight up and down politics trip.

So more recession bad news blah blah I just . . . as I said, I can’t help but be drawn into it, because it’s all just not right, it’s ridiculous to try and fix the world, but it’s also pathetic to not try and resist the direction of current political and economic change.

I was affected by my middle class analysis a few weeks back because I was kind of sick of all the spouting on twitter, we’re just living out an idealistic hypocrisy as part of the world’s 4% middle class, about 230 million worldwide who earn more that $US38,000 PA.

Even I was spouting today. You can’t compete with competition . . . yet. I don’t think we’re evolved – or our culture is evolved – to understand higher organisation. If it is cultural then it isn’t impossible we could transform society within a few generations, but I think it may seriously have to be actively driven by organised groups transcending powerful individuals.

When wikipedia and linux disrupt competitive commercial activity with more highly organised activity you can see the potential for walls to be smashed down for the greater good, this is true progress. When natural selection begins to favour co-operation that is facilitated by technology, competition can be challenged in it’s suitability to pervade all things. But culture has a long way to evolve.

Hasn’t that been the history of civilization? England and US and now China have all become powerful through organisation, although china’s organisation is not based on newly acquired freedoms, in fact, china could be evidence that personal freedoms personified by america have run their course in terms of favouring motivated co-operation and organisation.

Chinese society is not something westerners aspire to, but it so much more realistic in terms of distribution of wealth, it’s easy to poo poo the chinese when we’re living relatively in complete indolent opulence, while the vast majority of the world’s population live in squalor. You can tell I’m a Leninist can’t you? I admire Lenin because he made some hard nuts decisions. He had the rich industrialists shot. He introduced capitalism in regulated doses to stimulate the economy. 2 massive, hardened calls.

That’s why when I look at the world, western democracy is a swaddled, yet meaningful idealism, the ideals of the liberal middle class are noble, and are valuable as far as western democratic society is concerned, but at a greater stage, the same ethical logic must be applied to the rest of the world, or these values are empty. We need competitors to continue our progress until some kind of higher organisation can challenge it.

Marx never saw Communism working in Russia because their society wasn’t ready, it wasn’t industrialized. I think Marx’s problem is that he didn’t realise society wouldn’t be ready for another 200 years because the resources were not available to make an organised society more rewarding, motivating, empowering and logical as compared to the competitive system we’ve relied on until now.

That doesn’t mean I don’t get a little bit whiny on twitter – well I did today.

My first suggestion was that perhaps removing inheritance could balance capitalism out, so there wasn’t such vast accumulation stacking the deck against the poor. But it would never work. I’m fascinated how throughout history dictators and emperors have always struggled to establish a line of succession, people – men particularly, are obsessed with their sons carrying on their name. I understand and accept this, like competition, is so hard to counteract, we’re barely prepared to even challenge it.

We have to somehow grow beyond our primitive beginnings. Rich people and high earners don’t themselves make the world the awful place it is, it’s the vast hoarding of ridiculous wealth, and the competitive reflex to eliminate other competitors by any means necessary, that means we have dudes flying around in glamourous private jets while people are starving to death.

Reading some comments on a blog today, you have to understand the mindset of the competitor, I touched on it – the only thing money and success brings you is a feverish desire for more money and success, and some of these mega rich dudes have completely succumbed to wanting nothing but to have more. Becuase they can. Will to power, and all that.

Then I moaned about the price of Coke. I went to the supermarket and I stood there, I was making burritos, so, like pizza, or burgers or anything similar, it goes down great with an icy cold coke. The biggest bottle, 2.25 litres was $2.29, and the next smallest 1.5 litres was $3.29. I could by Cans but they started at $8 for 6, to $12 for 12, etc.

The cheapest coke was the single biggest serving.

So basically they are encouraging people to buy as much coca cola as possible and to drink it all as quickly as possible. So sense of responsibility whatsoever.

And I guess it was pretty dumb to tut tut the coke company, but that’s been my tone recently. No one wants communism, they want competition, but as with most incompetents, and the kriger dunning effect, no one actually thinks they will be the losers in the competition, just as the rich right wing honestly believe they are wealthy and powerful because of their own merit. They only enact their beliefs because they honestly believe they are powerful because of their competence, rather than competent because they have had every opportunity afforded to them as part of a wealthier class.

And yet they are still so often flawed.

But what’s the point of spouting, and gnashing teeth? I have expressed my disdain for people like me who will complain on twitter but don’t want to do anything about it.

I don’t drink too much coke. I can’t be responsible for all the people who can’t empower themselves to make the right decisions.

But thinking about twitter, don’t the upper middle class, the educated classes, don’t we have a role to play in propping up companies like coke that want to poison poor people with their devious marketing and pricing strategy? We’re the ones who run and manage and enable their companies to run so that we can take our $70-$150k home every year.

We’ve got enough money to live our privileged lifestyle, why should we care until there’s a riot our some other consequence of social negligence happening on our doorstep, and we can still morally judge the rich and blame all the world’s problems on greed, when we ourselves are to greedy to take a pay cut and work for an organisation with principals.

I’ve done jobs for Fonterra, Coke and Destiny Church, all organisations who are behaving immorally and irresponsibly, creating misery. It is going to get worse but how much worse can it get?

Will I refuse to work for those organisations? Or will I contribute to the problem, using my upper middle class knowledge and skills to help them further their goal of oppressing and exploiting the poor?

The rich, the ACT party don’t pretend to want to help poor people, but all us middle class twittering folk, people who generally have good, well paying jobs, what point is all the moaning and whinging going to translate into action? When will people begin to stand up not for their rights which as middle class we already enjoy, but for the rights of the poor and to live in a society where people aren’t oppressed?

This is not a rhetorical finger pointing exercise, but a serious question, because I am one of those people who will continue to prop up the rich with my valuable skills.

Is there another way? It’s not going to work if you start telling the highly paid employees of coke and friends that they should quite there job. It just won’t wash. I won’t even refuse the opportunity to make a thousand bucks working for a dirty company.

Until the middle class can fortify itself, there needs to be a more practical way, a more compelling argument. You can’t shoot yourself in the foot by refusing to take their money. A blackade only works if it’s total.

SO take their money. Should you make a donation to a charity? No, you have to take action that contributes to addressing the situation.

Most middle class people are decent but flawed as we all are. What can you say to these people? You can’t. You can’t help people come to these conclusions.

I guess we just have to be aware of the long term dynamics, and what it means for us. The rich and powerful will continue to be irresponsible and treat the lower classes with condescending cynicism, and occurences like the riots in london last night are going to continue, as well as a number of variable catastrophes driven by ruling class greed.

Hope for the best, search for a valuable contribution to a solution, but prepare for the worst.

Unpredictable events have to be prepared for. Again, why you need to take the dirty money, but not over extend yourself, I’m not buying property, forget that. In a modern world, you may have to be ready to uproot and move out. Stay loose.

It may be about to get bumpy. Probably not, probably just a little rocky but I wouldn’t strap myself in too tight right now.

Yeah so definitely forget loans, mortgages or insurance, because really it’s just a scam, go take you rmoney to the casino it’s about as smart.

Just when I think my purpose in music is becoming more vague and obscure, suddenly the triangle portal opens and my “do music” function is activated. I knew we were building this flying pyramid for a reason.

I dreamed that hot alien babes were waiting to take me to another planet where I was secretly awesome and cool.

Just like the last analogy I laboured, that of DJing being like sex and audio production like love, there’s a theory and a practice that may serve different ends and outcomes. But I wouldn’t build a spaceship unless I wanted to explore the universe.

So I had just updated my Twitter:

Following my brain operation, Hamlet, Don Quixote, Kafka and I are building a flying pyramid to escape the neanderthal renaissance #update

I like to keep my fans up to date with what’s happening with me. Of course frickin Don Quixote and Kafka weren’t there, I was just namedropping, it accentuates my brand.

There’s a rumour going round that I have given up on music, which is true but I did that months ago, so that’s not news. Well, technically, I decided to stop being a musician. Now these new accusations are suggesting I don’t care about doing music.  Well maybe I don’t, maybe I am just wasting space out of misdirection, but I think the outcome of the musician was that I want to tell stories with art and music is just one tool in the toolbox.

Art is . . . are . . . tools of expression and meaning. I don’t see the point in descending, capitulating against meaninglessness. I don’t see the point in giving up using music in your arsenal with which to combat ignorance. I do accept it’s time to let go of the idea of being some superstar DJ, because the idea of the superstar DJ, I just look at it as you would a kid playing with a toy. That stuff is for kids. Music has meaning, but all the ideas of being a bigshot and all those concepts, they’re just not real. Those vibes paint a picture where it’s not ok just to pursue art for the sake of it, it’s not worth doing unless there’s money or girls involved.

Unfortunately the thing about money and girls, is that best route is the most direct one, I’ve found. There’s no point becoming a superstar DJ unless you actually like doing the things that superstar DJ’s do, possibly more than you like money or girls. Which let’s face it, is a big ask.

But otherwise, you should hope we all find our purpose, something that expresses meaning and value outside of eating and shitting and fucking and lying there just gratifying yourself with the least effort required. And if making beats and DJing them as well sometimes is the lens through which you experience a more refined perception of society and nature and existance then it has value as that.

I exist as more than mere biology, because I make beats and I’d like to make more videos that tell stories that deal with stuff in life. What kind of stuff? Philosophy, Metaphysics, whether the structure of the universe is so that it has a will, and what does it want? Does the universe want me to enter thy pyramid and fly off with all the alien girls, or am I destined to remain?

I just want my tunes to be released. After that I don’t care. I just don’t see the point in reaching out for something if it doesn’t appear to manifest as particularly meaningful, it’s more important that my beats become what they have the potential to be, as long as some drum and bass label puts them out, I don’t care.

Being on a label whether it’s a crappy one or not just means people can listen to your music if they want to. I would just hate to think that the reason I’m not getting anywhere is because the music is not really available to be heard by anybody. But why do I want to “get anywhere”? Well “anywhere” is relative to where we are. I always want to improve but whether anything happens or not is a negotiation. Whether I’m where I’m at now, or whether I reach a peak of being able to play around the world without it costing me and having top DJ’s drop your tunes, you still want to progress, while as long as some label wants to put my tunes out then . . .awesome.

Girls and tunes are the same, you’re not going to just stop and say well, I’ve had enough . . . that’s it. You might retire or get married to attempt  make life less complicated, but you won’t want to stop doing things you enjoy. unless you stop enjoying them.

I don’t see myself stopping liking yummy food.

I don’t see myself stopping liking hot chicks.

I don’t see myself willfully rejecting an environment where I can participate in art and the value in it.

THE PYRAMID BLASTS OFF:

If I become a superstar then that might be nice. But right now I just want to access the knowledge of the triangle and probably also get more girls.

Which is good. Whatever I’m doing, whatever I was doing at that point – I don’t really know – I”ma keep doing it because we took the pyramid for a test flight and the results were extremely positive. I was doing whatever, I’d just eaten a curry after a work out and was feeling useless on a saturday with nothing to do kind of way (as I mentioned this whole thing of having nothing to do is something I haven’t felt in 4-5 years) and then suddenly the triangle hatch opened and I just spent the next 9 hours working on almost finishing 3 new tunes.

It’s pretty hard to finish tune completely within a short period becuase usually they need to sit and breathe for a few weeks. But y’know I don’t think I’ve ever done so much work on my tunes in such a short period, which as far as I’m concerned is raw triangle power – 10 years ago it used to take me a month just to write one tune.

And that’s just so excellent that on this blog we need to say yes, and good, and okay, and then yes again. So . . . more.

When you enter the triangular state well . . . it’s good. We need to have a research facility inside our flying pyramid so we can remain zoned in the triangular state for sustained periods at regular intervals.

Firstly it’s the confidence and security of knowing such things are possible and they can be managed. I can write 3 new tunes over 2 nights, or one epic long night, I can do that once a week.

And this is my feeling: that if I can do 3 songs like this every week – which is a lofty goal – I don’t think it could be bad thing.  I would be improving faster, each a shot a chance at going further than before.  As long as I did my videos then I’d be fine, but it’s all about getting in.

Let me zoom out so I can finish up:

Did you know that that means that this week, in the last 7 days, I have hit my money targets, pulled a girl from a club I’d only just met, and finished 3 sketches.

How about I just do that for the next 500 weeks?

I think that would be alright. Don’t you think?