When the common person comes across my thing, they probably just see a random video, they don’t understand anything about the show, they just like it, somebodies told them about it or they were in it.

I want there to be a real narrative though because that’s what will connect people to it, that they start to get the story, then they want to see from the beginning.

And they see how lo-fi my stuff is they see the Steve video, and all I have to do is better than that, so they see a journey from where I am now to hopefully a more prolific future where I drop new videos every week.

I’m hoping once I’ve done some kurb videos I will be comfortable behind the camera again and keen to climb the ladder and do something more challenging.

Also, I have to recognise that it’s the space that’s allowing me to get into all this stuff. If I didn’t have the space, I wouldn’t have realised how little footage I actually have to use for my backstory stuff.

It’s okay to chill for now while I get ready to move forward with new levels of sustained energy. Recognising there’s a problem there is part of providing the solution and the way forward.

I’m best to do all my kurb and romantech stuff first, building up to it. My pirate stuff, because the pirate is another good angle to come in on.

Of course part of that narrative I’m drawing from there to here to beyond, is that I once was a ratty drum and bass DJ, and I got on myspace and became some fake kind of internet trainwreck parody, and then I got into business, and there’s as much to work with in my poor, obscure, yet meaningful past to the future where I work with insane artists on insane projects and my desperation is all the more amplified.

And in that, maybe it puts into relief a simpler time when I was just a loser DJ, just a loser drug dealer, just some loser wannabe on myspace.

I will build a Romantech archive, and I will do my best to recover the lost reality compound files

I just hope I have enough tatters to string a flimsy story together that will get this damn thing off the ground.

Just been having a bit of a funny old freak out over potentially lost Reality Compound and Short Circuit material.

There were a lot of problems along the road with losing footage, tapes going missing, computers, hard drives stolen, negligence, whatever . . . so what I have left is very skant as it is.

It really wasn’t that much of a big deal I guess but when someone remarks or reacts to my video stuff, I kind of respond by feeling a sense of wasted opportunity, which is not really something I can hang onto if I want to move forward, because I want to go to a bigger place, step up to a new level with it now, and I can’t be getting all excited just because somebody said they liked my video.

Creatively I have to push on, and push through.

But I have to be coming from somewhere too, I can’t just pop up out of nowhere at this stage without any evidence of the journey that brought me to this place I’m at now, because everything that happened with Romantech and Reality Compound and Myspace is all part of the story.

It’s not about reaching back to the past – but it’s about a series, a continuum, a story that has depth and background.

But when it comes to putting together the pieces of the puzzle, it gets me concerned creatively, how am I going to bring this together?

How am I going to communicate that important precursor, prestory, preface . . . this is like the Hobbit to the Lord of the Rings, I’ve got to be able to paint a picture of how it was and what happened before.

All the old vibes are dead aside from me still walking around carrying them with me, all that stuff happened years ago, but I wanted that to be part of the story, that I left Reality Compound behind to be the Kurb business guy, but still the vibe calls me back, and tells me there’s no point in being some rich guy and just letting go of everything that was once important.

And all those old storylines are waiting to be rediscovered, except, no one will remember, no one will care anymore, so that’s why I need as much evidence from the past as possible, to paint out that side of the story.

I mean the whole idea about Reality Compound is a story that is happening, that is unfolding – but I want that rich past to help me to define that. I guess that’s just part of the creative challenge, and it’s nowhere near as challenging as what I have to do now to bring myself back to the level I once was and then go beyond it so that people might care where it all came from.

I guess that’s the way I have to face it and deal with it, if there’s nothing to tell the story for me, I have to tell it – I have to bring it to life, documentary style, or kind of like a Lost thing where you see glimpses of the past that fill in certain narrative themes for the audience.

It’s not about what happened in the past – I mean there’s some really interesting stuff there about how I arrived at where I am now, but it’s what happens next, about my rediscovery of my purpose there, that is the story I’m now telling.

But in the story it is very much about relating to the past, but at the same time there’s no reason we can’t have new adventures, while introducing old characters, it’s very much about the tone of the narrative.

I guess even if I am freaked out that I have lost even more of the past, so it creates the incentive to recreate it to bring my story forward again.

Remember that even the original Reality Compound had a back story, which was loosely based on reality.

And now the new Reality Compound has a back story too.

But I guess whatever happens, in whatever ways I fail – including if I fail to bring “the way it was” to life – Reality Compound is the story of the little guy who wants to be a big deal, and we’ve all been growing up hanging onto these dreams, failure and humiliation, and then the redemption and resolution that follows is all part of the story.

If I fail to present the backstory then that’s just another failure, but a failure to embrace – as part of the new story, whatever the new story will be, because that’s what I have to worry about first.

“And in the meantime we try . . . try to forget that nothing lasts forever . . .

funny how it all falls away . . .”

So I was wrapping up the april post by talking about making my presence felt before I get back into gigging.

That made me think more about how I don’t want to do shitty uncertain gigs any more, unless its a tour and its meant to be that way – not because i’m all bitter on it, but more because I see more art and creativity in my old myspace ways, of being creatively disruptive to the scene and being that way, being present on the net or otherwise.

Once my narrative is underway I’ll want to be a “youtube personality”, I’ll turn up for the things and be in character. People may not react well in person to me being in character but thats part of the show, and I’m hardened to it.

I just want to do my songs and my videos in my room and you can’t stop me, like those uncool kids at school who didn’t know they were uncool, you couldn’t stop them from doing what they liked and just flouting themselves in front of the cool kids with gay abandon.

I’m not there to be cool, I’m making art, if my art means i’m despised well whatever.

I’m joining the path with myspace again in spirit, away from the local drum and bass scene. I’m making my john b/andre 3000 move now. I don’t care about the rules.

When through a combo of old fashioned internet marketing and branding I do have an established audience, then ill start gigging, and i’ll just play drum and bass or whatever i like, sing songs, whatever i feel like, I don’t really care about the old way, i just want to go back to the myspace way and have fun again, meet crazy people, but just do my own thing.

Haven’t written on the Romantech blog in ages!

Battling in business, hard, I’m in the warzone. There’s been victories but it’s still an every day fight.

Beforeit was just grinding work with no chance of art to happen, now I’m in a paralysis as work has gone down hill and I’ve had to deal with just how shaky I built all on my foundations on, I’ve had a lot of pain trying to make sure everything wouldn’t fall around me, business and music.

There’ll be some changes for real, I’m not going to get over this quickly. Just going to have to go in a new direction, I guess.

I gotta start writing and putting down video to know where thats going to be. I’ve been feeling totally drained of creativity but I know I’ll be back on it, but I want to be clear in my mission and its outcomes.

I guess I’m smart enough to know thats how it will be so I guess I’ll be writing again to get there.

But I worry I don’t have to do what I was going to do and being a dick for the camera isn’t going to be my thing any more. Well it wasn’t really but I guess I kind of was like, well hey, I can be a dick. I might still be a dick but I want to see how it goes.

How do I see it?

Well I’ll start doing new beats, I’ll start filming random stuff, and putting it to the beats, and doing my blog and then I might get an idea for something I can do and then just do it.

I think thats what I’m about now, just putting it down, rather than being all precious about achieving something.

It’s all about making a concept happen right there, like I did with reality compound, but drawing music and video into the concept and the storyline.

As I said with my video, I’ll start with serious videos for kurb, and then get more subversive until finally i break my professional character and reintroduce my self via reality compound as the character from the videos made suddenly real. And music and a storyline will enter reality compound from there.

I think I want to start from the bottom, long suffering businessman who is older now and desperately trying to participate in business and hipster culture.

Thats why entering throuh serious kurb videos I can bounce off the first few videos as failed out takes, 2 or 3, before devolving somehow until the point an actual fully realised song is ready.

And it’s not stylistic at all, i’ll write whatever. The artist is romantech, and the show is reality compound. It’s not really ever explained – I’m obviously romantech, romantech is a dj/producer, music is featured as a major part of the show, it’s obviously my music but its not really explained that this is a romantech vehicle.

The fact that I am romantech is secondary to the narrative of matt trying to make it as a somebody in auckland.

It’s only in time I’ll do “music videos” that are more music than storyline, until then I’ll work on how the storyline can be supported by the music I have available, mainly electro/minimal style d’n b beds that will evolve to vocal numbers with crissendo’s etc.

I think there will be certain plotlines – modelling agency, tiger penis, the fall of myspace and I think I’m getting closer to where I can exploit the desperateness in that ricky gervais extras way – but a rollercoaster of high highs, being a player and an enigma to being a total reject and tryhard.

Not good nor bad, but someone who just wants to be accepted and loved.

I think it’s about people being flawed when they do the things they think will make people like them, that it makes someone so human just to strive to be accepted. But to also be dehumanised by the desperation for it, and how that itself maybe a symptom of our time.

See it’s working! The ideas are flowing! When I see myself as a character in a story it makes it easier to create the art. I’m not trying to say everything, I’m telling the story of a journey.

Pretty full on weekend, well not really, but it seemed like it.

I had to get up both mornings to play pirates which kind of prevented me from getting into too much trouble and also got me out of bed a little earlier than I’m used to, giving me a chance to appreciate that summer is on it’s way with a weekend of great weather.

Good weather means good times, summery sounds, and a whole lot of hi how ya doing and I was instantly struck that there’s no way I should be sitting around squirreled away on projects this summer and I need to be getting with where it’s at.

I need to play it out, and no longer is it the time to be concerned about the bigger picture and plodding along. Not this year, it’s not that I’m sick of the endless not quite and the ongoing retouching, but I gotta accept that . . .

Well, that’s why the hell I write this for right now, I gotta understand more deeply what it is that I want.

I don’t want to spend another summer feeling like I’m not quite rich enough or my tunes aren’t quite good enough for me to . . . it’s not about “enjoying myself” more. I enjoy myself plenty alright,  and it’s not about the trophy party, to brag about how much I was “enjoying myself”, it’s about being more inside the adventure.

That’s a real part of my art, I know that the city is an adventure full of possibilities and I long to embrace it.

That’s what myspace was like, it was adventurous and I was in the routine of it, I want to get back into the routine of having an adventurous lifestyle without sacrificing the forward momentum of my business and my music if at all possible.

Definitely appreciating I need to be rolling in a new ride with good sounds bumping and being disposed toward where the vibes are at, not locked into some dilemma about what I’m supposed to be doing and why I’m not where I want to be with my music or business. What does that really matter as long as it moves forward at it’s own pace and day to day, you feel like somethings going on, real life is happening to you?

Well then what am I doing turning up dressed as a pirate to a kid’s pirate birthday party?

What am I thinking, how does this work into my plans?

Being a pirate in itself is an adventure, it’s a real adventure that I do this, even though the initial buzz I got out of pushing out of my comfort zone and getting back into pirate birthday parties is over, I’ve got to remember that relatively, it’s something special.

It’s something different, it’s interesting, it’s good, and let’s not forget to note that the money is pretty good also.

Doing something good and pushing through and having fun with the kids and getting paid is “enjoying myself”, getting pissed and staring at a bunch of chicks I don’t have the balls to talk to . . . isn’t.

Well it did get me out of bed, and I’m still pushing toward that time when it’s just going to absolutely be no thing at all to turn up at a kids party, do my pirate thing without even blinking, which I was able to do, the main problem being I didn’t really want to push it by going out the night before and I did end up sitting in my bed kind of counting down the hours ruefully.

Because my time and my plans end up constructed around this shit.

To me I think it’s a matter of doing it over and over again until I realise I am a natural and I don’t have to worry about anything going wrong because at this point I’m getting out of bed, spending 10 minutes getting ready, grabbing a coffee and just doing it and so far, going great. I don’t really know what I expect to do wrong.

As I say, I just hope as I develop the ability to wing it and not let any of these concocted expectations trouble me, fairly soon I’ll be doing parties every weekend and not letting it interfere with my plans.

What those plans exactly are I’m still thinking on, but one things for sure, if there’s gonna be that good weather, it means I want to be rolling in my ride with the girls and chilling out, that’s where I want to be getting, not troubling myself over some business affairs or some art aspiration that’s going to fall short.

Next up gonna talk some more about my weekend plans in regards to the music and understanding what I want and can expect.

pirate auckland

God reading too much aspirational personal development shit online, will anything help me?

So anyway yeah yeah same deal with me, me and my business, and I’m too scared too break out.

Every day it’s easier to make more money, in fact it’s so easy that I’m managing to write tunes as well but I’m not going out on the prowl and such, and everything seems dry because I got no game with the ladies and no game on the scene because I’m huddled away just beavering on business and what – the 20 odd tunes I’ve worked up this year so far.

Y’know I thought I was down because I was not taking to this 30’s buzz to well. And just reading all this crap online y’know listening to other people’s motivational bullshit and self consoling, I just measure up and think, y’know a lot of people would want my life.

And they all say be grateful, look on the brightside but I just don’t feel it.

See – I – don’t want my life because I’m in despair because I don’t know if I can seriously chase the young hotts. I think that’s all it comes down to. Wait like, not even chase, I don’t have time for that.

This is what hurts and paralyses. Nothing is stopping me from going out there and gaming because I’ve done it before.I don’t doubt I look older, but y’know, I’m not balding, fat, etc., I’m still short and that’s never going to change, but I actually think I may look better older.

I can buy a nicer car and nicer clothes if I want. There is nothing stopping me.

The Romantech has to get his game together. Pretty much.

But then I get this double hit of lost opportunity, the whole reason I write this blog. This is a great story. This is great in the narrative mix for this DJ known as the Romantech.

I’m adapting my approach to my art but I feel like . . . y’know how I was saying that business came naturally but music didn’t? Well there’s other aspects of art that are aspects of the artist’s personality.

With doing Reality Compound I discovered their were other aspects to what I could do and all the performance stuff I did in school was waiting to come out again, that was art that wanted to come through too.

But then suddenly it’s years later. The RC thing . . . it’s different now. And whereas it was a clutch of wild ideas I was trying to bring together, I’m seeing the convergence and understandig how it all falls into place.

And I think the new character – or angle, or approach – I’m working on has the potential to take hold of some of these issues and create art in a more essential way.

NARRATIVE. I don’t want to barrel on about how stories create meaning, but that the Reality Compound device was all about a negotiation of reality.

That’s what made it dynamic and exciting as art for me.

Now I want to get even closer to what’s “real”. I can’t pretend I’m young. But that’s what’s appealling about my character, I think I can really encapsulate the whole winner/loser high highs/low lows narrative, which makes it so compelling.

My whole character is predicated on the fact that I am not cool. I am kind of awesome, but equally pathetic.

This is why I’m doing this on my damn blog here! Because I want to give the journey life!

What kinda stupid youtube shit would I be doing if I was already a top producer, already had the lifestyle and rolled with superfly honeys? It would be just self aggrandizing and gratuitous.

It’s so much more exciting to be the guy on the outside, and nobody knows if I’ve really got the shit to put it together.

I’m not going to stop making music, I’m not going to stop running game, I know I’ve got at least another 5 years in me so really in terms of how long I’ve been serious about music i’m only just past half way!

The problem is of course I’m desperately trying to create the motivation and it worries me. Sometimes as I said before it’s part of transition. I’ve been building my business for two years now doing little else.

Deep down I know art still wants to come out of me, but I just have to recalibrate for that. I’ve put succesful systems in place for business, now I just need to do the same for art, and it will happen.

It just worries me I’ve been on about these idas for years, just pick up and start fliming, how hard can it be?

But I have to have a contingency. And that is embracing my character for who I am.

For now and for the next few years, my character is 30ish and desperate to fulfil his dreams of being taken seriously in music and business, and after a many torrid episodes finally settles down with the woman of his dreams . . .

TO BE CONTINUED . . .

I didn’t check my comments for like 3 weeks and some FUCKIN RATTY ARSE FUCKIN RAWWSSRRS had embedded their ratty fuckin spam arse myspace player onto my page so people coming to my page heard some fuckin rat fucked shitty fuckin commercial hip hop crap and my player was disabled.

That’s fucked up.

I mean, y’know I’m sposed to be like a myspace guru. It’s part of my job. Fuck.

Like, I’m not all about myspace like I used to be anymore. I still use it to pick up birds. But I have another deep cover profile for that now thats why i’m never on my main account.

Oh and work, of course.

I chose not to get those FUCK ARSSES back by phishing their shit. Wreaking vengeance on the net isn’t as satisfying as it used to be. Let he who is without a spambot report the first violation of myspace TOS.

I

will have a new drum’n bass mix WITH some newish tunes – 1 all new tune – out soon called . . .

GENTLEMAN CALLER

Because if you knew I was dropping a beat on your face you’d go all giggly and silly like a teenage girl too because a romantech mix is just like your first kiss . . . sexy and meaningful . . .
ALSO – Beat dungeon UPfm compilation also due to drop
- currently arriving at manufacture process

Hit beat dungeon 4pm on a sunday. I talk massive amounts of shit, its just silly, really.  Lots of kiwi yumyum beatastities.
But mainly I’m just working on my website

www.romantech.co.nz

Fuck “releasing” anything. Fuck an album.

It will take a few months but eventually there’ll everything I’ve ever done on my site.

Basically if someone wants to put my music on vinyl they can, and I want a copy, if  you want to download any and all of the music I make you can on my website for free, and if you really must have a cd they will be for sale for like $6 on trademe, free shipping in NZ.

My career is over. It’s awesome.

Nu:tone + Cyantific @ Fu – Thursday – Big night seeya there

Romantech myspace

Just a heads up to let all me mates know im back on the space! 

So any prior business, loose ends left dangling and snaking about, music stuff, gig stuff, or just say hullo . . . hit that shit! You got about 5 minutes before my head explodes on some other fanciful fuckin pursuit. 

14 gigs in 4 weeks!!!! Jesus christ that tour nearly fuckin killed me. Talk about pushed mentally!!! Taken me two weeks to recover innit? bro . . . after that I feel like I can deal with anything!!! Total attrition, for six weeks stressing out about the next gig after the next gig, promotion, preparation, organisation . . . my records are in a fuckin state, I can tell ya! I played some fuckin crappy gigs, dude. Taupo, bro. Just forget it. Played some fuckin awesome gigs too, that wa the amazing thing, being totally psychologically fatigued and disorganised, unprepared and still having some choice parties. Big ups to all the kids in the towns like Invers and Timmers, Wanaka, Queenstown where we threw it down large like. Big ups to Blitzn + Vixen, Stray Theories and Aotearoa Groove Prophets, Gamble from UN and the DJ Deall, Subculture fams, None kru in Dunedin, Moxham kru in Welly . . . couldn’t’ve survived that shit without your help!  

So I’m gonna be back at work going hard on the kurb activity – blogging up my expertise and working behind the scenes on a few prominent campaigns . . . I was on to some big shit before i left so just trying to get my head back on that and go corporate warrior on it. And back in the studio firing up some more tunes – now is definately the time to hit me up about remixes etc.. Don’t forget on my page is two new demos “Ill fish” and “They Shine” AND by some rare luck my car is back on the road (I had another prang before I left which was a total shock because for the first time it wasnt my fault) and all my camera gear seems to be behaving itself so I might get into a bit of shakin’ and makin’ on the old youtube. 

Check these searches on youtube for some top quality brit humour 

Nathan Barley

Charlie Brooker

Chris Morris 

oh and im getting glasses this week. Hot. Maybe it’ll make me look intelligent. haha.  Don’t forget the Beat Dungeon on upfm.dj 4-6 on a sunday where i been guestin on it and making a complete fuckin tool of myself. Thats what radio is all about, and of course: D’n B sessions with Soul Science @ Foci in beresford every Thursday, still going strong believe it or not! safe. 

Peace/

Yo! Artists working with K.urb are getting mad hype connecting with fans online in a way that has never been possible until now. It’s all new for musicians trying to bust into the industry. Check back to our page for blogs featuring more heavy articles on where the music business is at right now and how we can put you in it. Peace – Kurb. Kurb...........