I’m linking here to another piece on anti-consumption, this time from the wire cutter, it starts off in familiar territory about people being depressed or less happy because they’re on computers all the time and not running and playing, happy and laughing.

We know all about the last version of anti consumption, a backlash against rampant materialism, but now it’s about the consumption of a poor information diet.

I talked about this dude I read who was trying to cut down on news because it just fills your head full of nonsense that doesn’t really matter. Most of the information we’re picking up through media and online, is useless to us other than to progress our various anxieties and inadequacies.

So we got all kinds of minimalists and anti-consumptionists coming forward in the intellectual mix for real! So we have another article about this here. The ongoing process of technology allowing us more to sacrifice toward a bunch of bullshit. The illusion of progress, that tachnological advance really isn’t making the quality of our lives better at all.

It’s too much, there’s no way of processing all this constant infomation bombardment, not all of it is bad, but much of it is just not useful, it’s not consequential in our lives.

So this guy ends up proposing an information diet – less TV, less games, facebook, twitter, youtube vids, and he says that gives him 3 hours a day he didn’t have before, for doing his own thing. He liked to build things. I like to create stuff anyway, but these days I seem to be really into exploring ideas, and so I blog a lot.

I’m pretty lucky that I’m already well along the path. I don’t have a TV. I don’t really spend more than a few hours a week either watching a movie or TV. I do act as if twitter is not an issue but I am a bit of an issue with it, because it’s my one outlet.

Except I did just join facebook, but in saying that I decided to be extremely cautious about it. That is under review. We want to review the quality of the information we’re getting, the quality of the connection.

Right now I’m purging my reader, and it’s always the same, so many of these blogs are just dead, so many people start them and they’re done! I just love to write and blog, I don’t get more than a 100 hits a day, but most of these guys they just disappear they fall off!

It’s not me. I just write anyway, it’s obvious I don’t really care if people read what I write. I just feel simplifying my life is actually quite a positive thing, it’s true there’s just too much information that is useless.

There’s heaps of blogs that I once found out something on. Something that was important and helped me in business or in my thoughts on a particular subject. But I don’t really care about that now. I know enough about business and I can’t be bothered learning any more because I’m more interested in knowledge more valuable to me.

A lot of music marketing blogs have to go, they’re gone. So many old internet marketing blogs just left or run into the ground by new owners posting crap content, they’ve been sold off and stripped. Abandoned armies of blogs. New Zealand businesses I’ve been snooping on that gave up – on blogging at least. Silly. Too much work was it?

Entrepreneurial blogs, they have to go. I’m just beyond that now. If I really want to make more money, and I can’t see myself wanting that much more right now, I’ll go back to it. I’ve got ideas. I know what I have to do, I just don’t want to waste all my time trying to make money I don’t need. Unsubscribed from some ranting lefty blogs. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve got my blogs I like, and I’m spending too much time “clearing my reader” which is dumb.

Except I don’t know if distraction is so much my problem as direction . . .

I set up a new facebook account after my first facebook account was deleted, but it was just mainly for business anyway, but I thought that that was bullshit. Over the years I set up several accounts none of which I planned to use but I still have one account that my mates were on and they still link to me there.

unfortunately it’s hard enough getting started on facebook as it is without having to check on this profile and what it is doing, and all the situation there, so I figure I’ll leave that for now, and focus on a clean start. What I do there later, whether it’s a quiet, clean solution or not, no one has to know all my stuff. What’s the point?

Well what did I suddenly want to be on facebook for? Be honest. Sure, the tour meant felt I needed to be in touch with people so that the connection isn’t developed,
but that moved wider to thinking I’ve be negligent socially and I need to get active there. We need to use facebook as a way of staying connected with people who can help me get with my goals.

But sure, if girls are looking for me, I want to be found!

Okay so unrealistically I’ve just got this idea that I’ll be all up to date with my mates doings and then suddenly all these random unexpected cool friends will emerge from the past and the future and invite me to a million cool parties and I’ll be messaging all the hot girls I meet there for dates.

In reality, my mates will annoy me with dumb shit, there’ll be people I won’t add and then there’ll be people I met and added who are not going to be any value.

There are going to be people who are close to me who’ll be privy to certain behaviour.

I like the idea of having 2 accounts but what if people straight away realise I have more than 1 account? So what, you tell them that you got one party account and one straight account. When in reality the party account, is a screening account.

On the flip side, I can delete all my sensitive close contacts from the screening account so I can

We’ll have to feel it out. I think when I meet the first person I want to hold back, I’ll join them on another account. But right now it doesn’t matter, all I did was start the account, dunno what comes after that. All we did was start something, it doesn’t mean it’s going to go anywhere.

Although I am back from tour I am not that keen to really discuss it immediately because I want to come out of the blocks keen to head to a new direction and not get caught up on dissecting an old frog. Whether it’s journeying across the landscape or writing endlessly there’s one thing that counts – moving forward, moving on up to your destination.

The idea is to positively put forward action, like do something rather than being stupid and just being an idiot which basically means not doing anything.

You can blog, but blog in a smart way moving you to the new tunes you want to do, the new videos, if the blogging is leading there, then good. If the blogging is going to a better blogging place, then good. We have to decide right now what is up with our blogging and where we can do some good blogs. We’ll have to start doing good blogs here now. A lot more blab will have to be shuffled over to the business blog and music business blogs, but really we have to choose to blab away less, and to focus on putting down 6000 word wordstorms that actually go somewhere.

Again it’s that stupid thing where you have to make decisions about what you’re going to do, rather than just be swamped by this nothing, but then there’s too many decisions, be a better DJ, do some more reality compound videos, write more drum and bass songs, write other songs . . .

But people need to know what I’m up to, I know even what little music and video I’ve done needs to be out there more for people to get. The only way is to actually put down the ill awesomeness. Maybe I have to get a facebook because I have to get with my people but again what I actually have to do is get with my content, because my content is how I put it to my people.

I’ve updated the reality compound youtube, and added a twitter, and now I’ve finally set up a new facebook account.

I want to manage some shit out there, get active managing relationships, but my way, which means being smart about it. Minimum investment of energy. Just ignoring all that hasn’t worked out. I need to but my business first, but I need to break some off for the old vibe online, and acknowledge this is a big part of being social now.

Blogs will have to be part of that, and I’ll have to be smarter with what I write.

Now my video production site which was my favourite dumping ground for screeds of stream of consciousness is getting frequented more often so I can’t dump the toxic waste of my mind there! Y’know I want to link to my blogs and people to read several good pieces and decide they want to follow, but not if it’s just me mentalizing endlessly.

Too many blogs about boring business stuff that means nothing. It’s so pointless,I barely understand it, except that trying to have a sensible business blog and a sensible artist’s journal discussing interesting themes is just too boring to cope with. None of it really matters at the my highest functioning level of business or art or anything, so why not just go on?

Oh because I’m meant to have a plan to do something? It’s too boring.

Too boring to know what you want? Too boring to work out where to go? Who’s got all the answers? We blog because we push on toward the possibilities of getting further in tunes, in video, in DJing, pirates. I gotta catch up with where I’m at. I gotta put down some more funny, and I’ve got to organise relationships and connections to make things happen, I’ve been copping out too long. I got tunes to finish. Videos to finish. Blog about it if you want to, but just get on with it.

There is a factor . . . in the balance of you and everybody else, it started off talking about doing art for you vs. your audience, but now exploring the concept of pure enjoyment, it’s going deeper on that theme – like the balance between the you that exists for you and the you that exists for the world.

When I’m creative I’m just trying to express more efficiently.

Blogging allows you to just waft somewhat aimlessly and a creative vibe can really blast that all away. But I am learning to be more patient. I know that with me, when I make a plan to get something done, hell it might take 10 years . . . but you might be surprised.

I also know that I run a successful business and I am starting to learn how to keep my creativity happening, while the cash keeps flowing, which I have to recognise is definite progress.

You ask yourself what you enjoy, you try to dig deeper and you wonder what the answer is, maybe . . . you don’t enjoy yourself enough.

I’m trying to think of a writing project I could do that would be decent, and that’s the good thing about me and my archiving and what not is that I usually have an old idea handy I can go back to.

Like the “How To Be Awesome” Ebook!

The main thing about HTBA is that it does a freaky flip, it starts off as a silly self help book, until the narrative voice starts to skewer into a more fictional account, it’s as if the narrator or the voice of the book goes from cock sure to questioning, and then starts peeling off altogether.

I think I have to think about writing more sensibly on this blog, y’know, like if I wanted to make this a more serious post I would be seriously asking what a guy who can write a lot should aim to write.

Write a blog, and an ebook to go with it, but make it about something people want to read about, not just fluff all day and all night.

You see there is a factor . . . in the balance of you and everybody else. Why should I change my blog just so more people will like it?

It goes deeper than that if you like. I mean, who are you, really?

Are you you for selfish reasons or do you exist only at the intersection of how those who surround you perceive you?

Do you accept that?

I was always conscious of the fact that outside my own perception I only exist as hundreds of perceptions of me by those who know who I am, and that that was valid. So many people tell not to care what others think of you, but I’ve just seen far too many sane people deluding themselves completely with such force that it grips them and everyone around them.

A lot of people find limited use for reality. I’ve talked about this before in comparing reality to fantasy without resolve.

But who defines who you are? You or them?

They define you by what they know. They base their assumptions on millions of precursory computations, many of which have created unsound algorithms.

You define yourself by your choices, isn’t that the whole idea this blog is going on? Blogging to understand enough to make the correct path to choose your own way? But those choices take place in a context of compromise that is society, the whole of civilization is a compromise of choices made by individuals.

But some groups have moved to take choice away from others, who for the most part welcome the respite of having to make choices. Even left to their own devices, most people will not think through their choices.

I think about my choice to think about choices, and I reflect whether I was too smart for my own good, I never chose to make mistakes that could have changed my life.

I am an analytical person and am extremely sensitive to the cues I pick up and the information I am receiving. I love to receive information and through a process of understanding, reach my conclusion. The person who lies to themselves, that isn’t me.

Unfortunately that means the channel is wide open, and all this information I’m receiving repeatedly suggests below expected outcomes with girls.

What are you willing to choose to do to get an audience for your art? To get girls?

Y’know I’ve been trying to pinpoint a part of me that is enjoyment, and pleasure separate from status and development. That’s where I said that my music bares a burden of expectation, and video production is a series of personal challenges as a performer and technological challenges as a producer. It’s not a matter of motivition, it’s calculation, videos take a lot of work so it matters to know that what you’re doing is a sensible deployment of your efforts.

Writing isn’t so indulgent, with writing you just hit it. But if I’m saying that I enjoy writing, why do I enjoy it? Do I enjoy for me, purely, do I write droning nonsense all on these blogs because I do it for me and I don’t really care to be burdened by the need to impress other people or derive benefit from it?

But what’s the point of that? Why not lock yourself in a cupboard for a year, maybe you would find that “unburdening”?

What’s the point of saying anything that doesn’t mean anything to anybody but you? Isn’t that selfish?

But that’s the point – enjoyment that asks nothing of anyone, yet holds out joy. I don’t ask people to read my blog, I write and blog because I question. I want to understand so I can make the best choices, your choices define you. Your ability to make the best choices allows you to progress and develop, even if it’s just an illusion of one issue begetting the next, the same repetitions of experience.

We’re taught to see the patterns, we make the pattern, we are the pattern, but the essence of this shaping force, the shape of conflict, which defines all things, the choice begets another conflict which begets another choice.

I’m 5000 choices away from becoming a millionaire, but at any stage I could choose not to be a millionaire, that is the power choice has to define me. I could choose to enjoy myself, and find myself defined by the fact I feel as if I underachieved. What is the enjoyment in that? Feeling bad about yourself? I feel proud to drive my beamer up because I worked for my money.

Don’t you want to step up in the venue with the girl and my new works being acclaimed knowing with pride that you worked for it?

This is a really top doco on modern art culture type things that I blog on from a personal angle, and it’s definitely a must see.

PressPausePlay from House of Radon on Vimeo.

Great music and great artists feature.

It’s mainly about technology allowing for a new dynamic to creativity, mass personal creativity to a “crisis of democratized culture” which one dude was talking about which I found really compelling, they were talking about the life cycle of creative industries, the death of craft, and how current technology will age.

The new york guys though were pretty funny, all trucker beards and psuedo masculine stylings, smart guys, but still. All the chicks look like teenage boys and all the guys look like bears.

Can’t help but look at these guys and wonder, you’re smart, but what kind of thinking led you to decide you all need to wear v necks, trucker beards and funny little woollen hats?

Oh you’re a lumberjack, and you’re an an elf creature! A woodling? I’m going to start asking hipster lumberjack elves if they are woodlings who have lost their magic pipes that make all the animals sing and play.

That’s not what the documentary is about though. I really enjoyed it.

At first I was depressed because I don’t know anyone I can be arty with, but then I’m not very arty myself because y’know, I run a business. But the fact that I make music and blog and make videos makes me sort of arty, but not full on arty. I just tweeted something about all artists being impoverished egotists, y’know, I despise watching people crawl on their belly and if you’ve got no money then guess what? Probably every other day you’re in some undignified scenario, like hanging around the dude with drugs because you can’t afford your own.

It’s not me!

The documentary touches on theis “crisis of democratized culture” everybody grabbing and saying look at me! I’m cool too! How’s it ever going to work?

There’s one chick who starts sounding fruity like how it’s all so amazing and seth godin’s there saying it could all happen for you by statistically, relatively it won’t!

Seth tells us we can do it all, and now we’ll just feel worse about ourselves

In the meantime, how does it benefit for us all to start believing we all matter so much? You take guys like Rupert Murdoch, who may not be much of a lizard afterall since he’s been hung out to dry, but they guy knew how to manipulate the masses. He saw trends, and leveraged a more mediocre manifestation of humanity to take advantage of them.

Is he right or wrong? He’s looking more like a nihilist every day. What does the information we receive about media give us in terms of understanding and take away actions?

Media and marketing dickbags like me watching this stuff understand how powerful it is that everybody wants to be a rock star and I felt very gratified watching the doco and understanding, with understanding that I’ve been playing that game for years now and it’s why I’m financially comfortable.

It comes back to the manly trucker beard dudes, they were the ones pushing the story angle, that despite technology it was all about the ability to tell a story. They didn’t go in any deeper than that.

But it’s about a market for people who want to tell their story. I’m no good on this blog and I’ve been wrestling with that because I’m not appealing to anybody else’s narrative but my own. There was a funny tweet about the Listener magazine the local weekly general middle class mag mock cover story: “how does your home value effect your children’s performance at school?”

Basically.

This super generally targeted kind of “product” type information, it’s specifically for the audience but it’s so robotically tuned. It’s not art or creative to cater to some demographics finely tuned needs. It’s commerce.

But this is what markets are demanding, they demand what matters to them. Is it for good or bad? That’s irrelevant. People want to express themselves. What do they want to express? Everything. They want to do art, they want to be artists. That is the trajectory we’re on.

There’s going to be no rush to self restraint any time soon. Expression is evolving and mutating, successful expressions will go on, defective expressions will not. Just as religion thrived as people sought to understand the world, now people flock to try and understand themselves.

What is there to understand? What are they looking for?

People live longer, they have less kids, they have more time, they are going into themselves and manifesting these new beings who are clued up with technological knowledge. You got these new beings with knowledge while most people are either starving or stuffing their faces while watching kim kardashian.

These people aren’t thinking people. It’s not their fault, it’s not my job or your job to save them, but go for it if it makes you feel better. This blog will tell you, I want to look at my archives and remember that my life meant something and that’s other people want too. Giving that to them is not exploiting them.

They want to celebrate and understand their lives by making art. With video, with music, with food, people want to show and to play. This way we learn, and we progress, helping people to do that is of real value. Exploiting people’s loneliness, fear, hatred, sexual alienation, intimacy issues, loneliness, inadequacy, that’s not right, that’s not progressing anything.

Media and art help people to remember who they really are and what matters to them. I think as a businessman I obviously have grasped this, but have I got this as an artist?

Maybe I have, because I think an artists job is to help people get in touch with themselves. When I’m stressed out over $100 I’m not in touch with myself. When I’m texting some girl I’m not really keen on, I’m not on the vibe. Art has to bring you closer to what is really who you are.

Who am I? Well if I knew I wouldn’t need to make art would I? Art is understanding, and understanding is a mirror of infinite shards reflecting different truth. It’s about the choice, what is the truth to you?

So y’know I started turning the place upside down and now I’m looking at this blog, well to be honest I was dicking around, rearranging the furniture and then next minute, as should have been expected the phone starts ringing and dudes are hosing me down with cash once again, and it’s all like it always is.

I was trying to figure out what I really enjoy doing. To forget about trying to be something for once and go back to really just having fun with what you’re doing, and having it flow more naturally, and be naturally drawn to it and excited by it. Well I enjoy unwinding by writing my blog, just some stuff and wondering what it really means. That’s art isn’t it?

Sure, but I’m just stubbornly self indulgent I refuse to edit my blog or even write about anything other people would enjoy reading about.

But I wanted to still finish off my kind of round up thing of 2011 by looking at . . . well, towards the end of 2011 I was much more into knowledge and wisdom. First it was trying to think more critically about gender politics and then when the rugby world cup and election were on, I just reacted by trying to get my head into more important concepts. A boing boing post turned me onto ribbon farm which is now my favourite blog, and that turned me onto bruce sterling, and I just love these guys, serious interdisciplinary concepts for living.

So I wanted to have a whole post devoted to going from stuff science, gothic high tech, to where we’re heading, but this probably isn’t it. But I did read quickly over the latest ribbon farm post and he was talking about stuff that is relevant to me again, because what this post IS about is going deeper into discovering what I could be blogging about that is real and matters.

A quote:

“But the scribe-blogger cannot assume that there is anything coherent to be discovered in the gonzo blogging theater.”

I think he was referring to things unfolding so quickly as we’re just blogging and what not that it ceases to have any depth and the nature of blogging is very much about feeling stuff out rather than truly understanding it, and well, I can identify with that.

It connects with my ideas about enjoyment. Enjoy blogging, but if you don’t want to make an effort (and kill the lazy enjoyment of being a ill disciplined ranter), then maybe you need to be looking at video and music – the stuff that feels like work – to make the gains that will feed the ego and make you feel like people give a shit.

But that’s another thread there. After I wrote 6500 words on new years eve, that was a statement that I should be writing, I should be thinking about what and how to write something more effectively, and then get stuck in to writing.

I am serious about being a pirate but I haven’t found the right path yet. If you want to make money, make money. If you want to chase girls, go for it. If you want to do youtube, hit that shit.

I’m not going into the pirate thing with the right spirit because well in pirate parley, I’m not taking any risks, I’m just choosing pirates because it seemed like the best opportunity to do money, girls and videos, and I don’t know if that’s right. I should be doing what I want to be doing, and if I really wanted to dress up as a pirate I think I’d have no trouble doing it.

RETURN OF THE POWER MASTER

Doing funny videos isn’t about anything but me trying to work with a side of myself I like to see, I enjoy seeing myself as being an earnest performer. The fact that it won’t make me money or get me girls is why it matters. It’s pure. It’s me being me.

I started playing with some ideas for power master again as it is the natural progression of videos on the kurb channel and it’s as I say, I’m looking for the places, the paths where I’m moving forward and motivated by enjoyment and excitement.

To be jumping in front of the camera to do power master every week because I loved doing it would be awesome. Power master can go out on the street once we’ve done enough solo stuff and because power master is general self improvement he can advocate powerful mastery in finances, romances, health and spirituality.

Again we’re getting this lord jonathon/pirate matty thing where power master/preacher mathias are similar characters, and all 3 names have the initials “P.M.”

I think the idea is I ride in on these “funny” characters who slowly dissolve over time until it’s just me, breaking into various characters and sliding in and out in an almost schizophrenic way. The layers peel off like an onion, as first you see the characters, and then I break character but still remain serious about the characters as legitimate money scams, before it becomes obvious I’m just this guy trying to be funny for youtube.

you don’t have to choose, you don’t have to think, you don’t even have to be alive, you just have to believe you’re THE BEST!!!

powermaster shows you a power pickup by demonstrating mastery over dominating power.

I was just getting all kirwan core which inspired me to just start dribbling out words on my blog as usual, I was supposed to write a blog about what I enjoy and trying to fit with that concept, because I was all on some god buzz again, because of the unknowable, of course!

You’re in a strange part of philosophy and metaphysical thought and an old guy with a beard comes along and says, hey, it’ll be ok. Just do this thing, you need some money man, and a girl, it’ll all work out great we’re gonna have this party forever, just do what I tell you, just try to fit in.

God, y’know, he’s all into how it’s going to be alright in the end. Seems like a bit of a wait. How about it all being alright some time closer to now?

Well you know god’s attitude. He’s all – good luck with that, bro!

Prick – am I right?

I mean rub it in. I hate a lot of all the nonsense, all the platitudes you see on twitter about people fist pumping and all into their positive thinking, and how it’s all awesome and amazing and exciting, I don’t even know what that’s about, but nothing I’ve ever done has ever been about positive thinking, mainly more wanting to die, hating myself, and wondering what the point is. I don’t understand all this positivity, I’m just not there. It was hard enough trying to make it so I’ve always got money and now I have to work to earn recognition as an artist and really work if I can expect to have more than one hot girlfriend.

Life is a lot of hard work.

But at least I have plenty to write about – most of which is of completely limited interest to most, of course. Well I did.

I came home after postering and as usual I had buzzes coming from the street, just like earlier I was worked about positive thinking platitudes, and I wanted to represent for the kirwan people, that I don’t buy all this happy nonsense, but then the inspiration and the concept is gone. The inspiration that made me want to write about the kirwan vibe, the street vibe, it was there and then it was gone and there wasn’t really much cohesion to it.

But what about this as a crazy and novel concept – doing something you enjoy?

What do I enjoy?

Well I would love to sit around dreaming up drum and bass songs and making weird videos and being all some arty guy and such, but I have some experience in that, and what you tend to find is that months go by and you don’t have any money and no one cares and it really makes you question what you’re doing.

Honestly, maybe I’m weak for craving the safety and security of money? I don’t really mean that of course – I tend to think most artists are weak because many don’t have the resourcefulness to provide for their own needs without mooching. I don’t want to be a starving artist, and we’ve already discussed compromising for the sake of the audience, and how hard it is to make your way along that path – staying true to yourself but creating something others will value.

Again, the value in the universality of stories that resonate with others. The deft touch of the artist who can bring their vision and message to the minds of their audience.

What is the message? What is the dogma?

But where I’m trying to come from and go to with this, because I do get fed up with chasing my tail here, is mentioning I do seem to enjoy blogging quite a bit, mainly because I just write whatever and do stream of consciousness rants that I just publish without editing, and I just feel like I’m unloading all this stuff.

But then I turn around and start saying that I should be trying to make it this and that, when the pure beauty of it is just doing it, that’s what enjoyment is. I don’t care if nobody reads it, I am enjoying writing and thinking about ideas, about clint eastwood.

What about John Kirwan? Well all that happy business isn’t for me, it’s not my bag. I’m not like these others, I’m not some kind of a winner. The reasons I do my thing aren’t the same. I have my own thing going on and it isn’t to do with how I think about love and puppies and being kind to strangers. I think about the streets and I think of the way of life I grew up with.

You gotta get your name in the art game. Who are you? What have you done?

It makes me think that I’m on my own buzz, I’m not here to be people’s friend. I’m not here to be one of the gang, I’m here to speak my mind, but not the truth, because I don’t know what that is.

All I know is I hear a whole lot of bullshit on sites like twitter everyday. But again you’ve wandered away from enjoyment, and back to fulfillment. But it’s not about impressing people, and being one of the gang.

So I like to write, but not in a way that anyone would care about. What is the point? Enjoyment? But if I make that I choice and I’m unhappy that no one cares about me rattling on endlessly on my blog, what then for “enjoyment”?

Wouldn’t you want to just get in your car and drive off and have an adventure and film it?

What this blog might become about for awhile is delving into how and why to make it better, how to make what I obviously want to do into something people would read. I talked about making my life more interesting. I’ve thought about pushing myself to be more of a documenter and to stop being so introspective constantly. I think maybe we just need to find more discipline with our writing.

But remember we said when the blog and the site was made good, we would start to write good. It’s still the plan. We need to be disciplined enough to either to short pieces or work on good long pieces.

There’s an essential element to it: stop writing about yourself and start writing about interesting stuff, if you want to write about yourselfm then start doing something interesting.

But I also believe we need some fundamental framework to build off. It’s about working and creating art and relationships . . . or not?

Maybe it’s the blog of the DJ and the pirate and the guy who does the videos? Y’know? And I can just keep writing what I like, and if nobody reads it, fine. And if I want to cry because nobody takes me seriously, then it’s time for a better song and a better funny video.

Okay it is January 5th and having had 10 days since christmas I am now getting pretty pissed off at myself for not having done any videos or new music.

I have not done a pirate video.

Well I did do the low key video which took me a day. But yeah, no new songs, which is pretty sad, really.

What it is of course, is the culmination of the ruminations that I’ve been wasting my time.

But y’know, I organised all my stuff. I did some client jobs. I did that video, I worked on my key mixing in fact I’m pretty much a key mixing guy now so all my sets sound perfectly mint, and I’m ready to get up on this new radio show. I did a whole lot of blogging in fact in one day I had a blogging marathon and blogged 6500 words. I was trying to reflect on the year, I think after that BMW thing I learnt to limit my exposure.

I need to limit my exposure.

My progress is unreal, that is, it’s not really happening.

Then I woke up so depressed this morning I could barely believe it. Often, when you’re depressed, as you get used to what’s happening you learn to see past it because you’ll feel better in a few hours or at worst, tomorrow. I tried to fight back, that’s why I went and bought some new bed stuff but just stood there staring at sheets and duvet covers and sheets and pillows and I couldn’t think.

When I’m depressed I often want to write about it, because I want to work out why I’m feeling so down, but I can’t bring myself to, then I feel better, and I’m not interested in writing about it. Right now, I’m just surprised how deep it went, like I couldn’t even bring myself to take the bait of accepting that I can always sit quietly in my house, eat nice food, and play on the internet.

I’m just in my bed and don’t want to get up because no decently hot girls want to sleep with me and my songs aren’t good enough to go on vinyl yet. Makes you want to die. Of course I never try to go after these things I mainly just count my money and rearrrange things in my house a lot, and of course write lots of dumb blogs like somehow the more stupid navel gazing crap I write, the closer I come to some reality that exists.

That reality that I’m not good enough and am a failure, is only real for a few hours every week or so. I guess it’s not real, but it is. For that time.

Then of course I swing madly back, by late afternoon I’m charging back as the neuro chemical drawbridge drops and happy, motivated chemicals arrive in my brain and I want to do and work and be and I book flights for my tour and sort out an issue with a cd replication job, and I get emails telling me money owed is coming and it all just wasn’t real.

None of it was real.

What is real is decisions.

What’s going in my head that one minute I’m dragging myself around like I wanna die then next I’m all up on it and doing everything? How can anything you’re thinking even be real when one minute you’re a failure and the next you’re attacking the world with swords and knives and flying kicks?

It really makes you wonder about the concept of your brain just being a tool of your soul, of your genes whatever. What’s your brain doing when it’s telling you that you suck? That’s what I sit there wondering I’m saying, hey brain, how am I supposed to fix myself if you keep telling me I’m worthless?

Is fixing yourself an irrelevant concept? Is your brain going to trigger feelings of inadequacy whether or not that is relevant to your surroundings?

Life is rich and varied and filled with moments of unassuming and modest wonders. I just wonder why my brain is so interested in hot girls and recognition for art. I walk around the street, are these people crushing themselves with repeated blows because they are not getting kudos around town for their art and probably got 1 or 2 hotties on the go?

I highly doubt it. Because if you don’t hope for such things, you’re never disappointed. Whoever said having it all was easy? You aim high, you fall hard.

Again it’s about stories. It doesn’t matter what the story is as long as you’re telling it. I’ve got to get committed to the story which means substituting more blogs for videos that say and tell more.

I did ask why I am not doing my pirate stuff.

I guess no one wants to answer that.

FINGERS CROSSED MUSIC VIDEO SCHEDULE 2012

Jan: Pure Juice / Juice of Life

Feb: Ice Breaker / Where’s Baby / Mandroid

March: Polyps / Kings

April: Gonna Getcha / So Good

May onward: Animals / Weirdos / Paper Tigers / Dark Matter / Higher

The next tunes to consider for the archive are whether “Left and Right and Wrong” and “Who Da Man” can go forth as mastered tunes. Otherwise “Innocence” and “The Book” are 2 of my best tunes that aren’t really out there. But I may want to consider these, all these tunes for the Romantech album.

Before we go onto that though I want to finish off the video vibe, because it might be time to focus on the data:bass video at that stage, and also, of course, any good tunes we put out before now and may, like Kingsland dawn, secret place, it’s done. That’s a lot of work, if we do all that in a year we should be stoked.

THE ROMANTECH ALBUM: Narrative / Archive

That’s right, it’s basically just the same concept as it always was, except there just won’t be those killer singles I thought I’d write, but that’s okay because I know it’s a vanity project, there’s not gonna be killer singles that take the underground by storm, just a guy releasing some beats.

Core 13

Innocence

Who Da Man

The Book

Ice Breaker

Where’s Baby

Left and Right and Wrong

Acid Jam

Mandroid

I Can Only Ask

Problemantech

Still Hope

Like You Do
Metro Sound
Nag Champa

Floored

Small Turtle

What I see is the album with like, tops, 20 tunes, possibly less because we want as little kack on the album as possible, but then have teh killer 80 minute set of at least 40 tunes, which will rip it up.

I can call the album Archive and the mix Narrative.

I notice with I Can Only Ask, Acid Jam and RCTV have pretty solid indie vibes, and Mandroid, Still Hope and The Book have quite emotional vibes too, so quite a deep vibe coming off it. Innocence is funky and Ice Breaker and Floored are cool and jazzy. Left and Right and Wrong , Who Da Man are more soulful, Where’s Baby, Small Turtle, are more experimental while problemantech is the dubstepper.

point being – don’t release videos now for the best songs on the album. So when are we doing this album? probably late 2013 I reckon.

Y’know I’m just thinking of the power of giving people an album I think they’ll enjoy. Lots of deep indie psychadelic electronica with deep melodies, and cool, soulful and jazzy breakbeats.

Who da man, I can only ask, The book, still hope, acid jam, Left Right and Wrong all have leady parts to them which are really musical.

But what is really going to result in me putting out an album of old songs? Well it’s all about a personal thing for me, to say I had a romantech album, and if you listen to it, you can check out my best tracks that aren’t drum and bass. In a lot ways it’s about achieving minimum standards of actually having an album to push.

What kind of musician doesn’t have an album, but goes on about having a hundred and more songs, DJ mixes, producer mixes, tunes out on release, but not an actual album?

It closes that chapter in a lot of ways, and means I can relax a bit more. But what I mean by that is . . . well I just considered, it doesn’t mean much to anybody me just sitting alone in my studio making these beats. What’s more fundamental is me connecting with people when I give them my CD and I connect that way.

Final post for 2011! Or . . . first new years post for 2012.

The madness had to stop. We had to stop up on this mad blogging crusade, we threw down over 6500 words in one day. most of it was warbling kack admittedly but I think I really flexed as a writer. I showed what I could do if I stepped up. I know there’s a lot of room for improvement but in the basis of pure stamina, I threw down.

That wasn’t my intention, I wanted to push out a lot of ideas onto the page. I got caught up in a lot of girl stuff and going on about stuff on the page, girls I don’t really care about right now because I’m all organising my place fiercely and I just really got into this muscular exercise of seeing how much I could write and wondering if I wrote this much, or half this much, but I actually made it good, could I really get into something?

Most ebooks are around $5 I think – the ones for kindle. Freedom is $7 right now. so if I could sell my ebooks for $5 and I sold 1000 of them a month, I’d be doing okay. I’d be a writer! That was easy! Hahaha and I’d probably be too tired by then to worry about what I was planning to do in 2012.

I like to write, I can write a lot, but I just can never be bothered trying to write something good. You’d have to pick something worth reading about. Which makes one point apparent. When I write drum and bass it has to be for the audience because people are expecting me to do something good. When I’m doing video or writing a crappy blog, no one expects to be blown away, so it gives me more freedom.

I guess the idea from this morning was to go and be awesome, I don’t want to troll anyone, I just know people will not all react well to any attempts by me to be nutty and up to something. What am I going to be up to? Well I make music and videos and I write. So what?

we need the adventure, we need the story.

We’ve said that before because it’s an easy way to try and encapsulate our goals, and it shows admirable spirit, but I’m not sure it’s the practical issue down on the ground.

The practical issue that has to be faced is the disparity between what we’re doing – blogging, archiving, stuff sciencing, number crunching tidying etc. and the real goals we have, to move forward with art and music and video, and move forward with girls, move forward with pirates in search of wider opportunity, and get to being awesome.

In 2012 we have an immediate issue to address around our behaviour. I don’t think it’s helpful just to say that doing a track or a video or chasing a girl is good, but blogging and archiving and organising is a waste of time.

Today, new years day 2012, I’ve had heaps of energy and felt really jacked up. It could be because I’m eating less, and eating less carbs, but it could be because my situation is increasingly organised, I look around my house and it’s never been so clean and organised, I can’t help this lingering feeling that if I’d done this earlier it would have been really empowering, but of course I couldn’t have executed it. Now I feel really empowered by this sense that there isn’t much in this house that I don’t know what’s going on with. I don’t have rooms of junk that I’m not sure what I’m doing with, or what it even is.

In 2011 we had some problems with fines and my other bmw, we tried to get inspired, and we though a lot about boys and girls these days.

The missing idea I referenced was that fun was no good. I think of it now because I have lots of fun . . . well I don’t. I enjoy myself but it’s not really “fun”. I enjoy pushing forward my projects for a better result.

Come July I was back in blog therapy talking out all the madness of the surreal fantasy, when the reality vs. fantasy concept came about.

Was be better to be the stoic realist hammering on or the hedonistic fantasist oblivious in a dream?

It’s a struggle that never is quite won. Just when you’re cocooned in fantasy you can’t help feel that it could be real if only, and yet the moment you surrender to reality’s harsh and eternal gamble, you still can’t suppress the faint flicker of hope that there might be something better.

My strategy is the full reality charge. Keep hammering, there’s no shortcuts.

Of course there are, but I don’t know any, so why would you waste your time looking for short cuts when you can make progress putting one foot in front of the other.

What did we really learn in 2011?

That too much stuff isn’t worth it. A lot of money may not be that great.

There may not be some greater goal. I often think . . . you get some money, you do art, you get a nice girl, you travel the world, you make friends, see and experience. It may not be that hard. Having it all, having everything, may not be as much as you may of thought.