We getting up down ready to do it, because they ain’t got enough money to stop me gettin through. I was rocking out like, we have to build the nest of sticks and straw before we lay any eggs.

We did well with the music videos, we have a formula, which we’re now building on, but we have to go back to our performance videos, because I told you, reaching for higher is not a walk in the park to feed the ducks. Becoming, manifesting what you were meant to be tends to sound like it’s something you can just sit back and enjoy unfortunately, it’s not always so simple.

Oh so they say I contradict myself? Well I’m complex. I’m complicated, baby.

I’m not the guru of anything that I’m sure about, I am master of the unknowable, step into my realm where all is equal to those who have not the understanding they need. I could be in a dream world, in a tent in a desert, but basically it’s about me walking round in circles around the mountain top looking for god, and he’s hiding inside the whole time. Tricky. Get out here and get with it, get with my spatial plane.

We need to call out these powers. Build a fire, fetch wood with which to fuel the blaze. We need scraps and bits, the noob eats new beats.

The idea of noob eats is a really basic exposition that goes into a beat. It’s really about doing video in an easy way, not having to think about it too much at a time, when we just need to get our start on. The reality is we may have to stick to music videos until we’re caught up, because we don’t know what we’re dealing with here, we need to set the camera up and start getting ideas, because what we need is flow, not adherence to some longstanding, rigid strategy that’s not natural now.

We need to saddle up and get ready to ride. We could say we want to commit more of this blogging to putting ideas for quickfire videos down, because that addresses the issue that blogging isn’t moving us fast enough. We’re moving, but we need more pace, we need the pace of video. Maybe we could do a condensed round up of ideas from the blog, we could do a battle of the gods.

Do I look like a guru to you? I’m not a guru, I just wanted to make some drum and bass, I just like DJing, Drum and Bass, I got a blog, the mysteries of the universe as far as I’m concerned are quite suitable to remain mysteries, but I wasn’t to be quite so clever. It was just another day at the office but it was one damn day too many, I just wanted to make something of myself, not give it all to the grinding mill, I just wanted a way out. A place of peace . . . answers to my questions. That’s where I went wrong. I should never had questions. I should never have even asked. But you gotta know. You gotta know to understand.

And who should you serve when would come these answers to your avail?

See that was just writing a condensed version of all the nonsense I was on, this is a winner, I thought that was pretty entertaining, and could be made more interesting, just boiling down everything I wrote last week into a 500 word rave that’s a story with crazy vibes. What I’m doing here is practicing writing and performing while having something tolerable to toss up to get the thing churning over.

Put something out there and start improving on it.

Yes I believe all I need is to one day in the next 10 years do 1 thing that breaks through, and if I’ve made 500 videos before then and now, and they all get 10k hits in one week because I’ve done a great tune, or possibly something more infamous perhaps, well that’s 5 million hits, and I’ll take the $10k plus, and the sudden influx of 500+ new fans. Doesn’t sound like many does it? But that’s the skill of it. What’s money, what’s $10k to the loyalty of a handful of people who truly support what you do?

As long as you have the money to cover your basic expenses, and you do not go wanting, then what could be better, the ability to activate people to tell other people about what you’re doing. No need for tacky ad campaigns, thrusting thousands of dollars at it desperately.

And then, most likely, squandering the opportunity because you’ve haven’t drawn these people in with hard graft, craft, and skill, simply lured them in with a fleeting curiousity.

Surely it’s not enough, for is it not purer to perform and create out of a more driving and essential urge, isn’t schilling for donations degrading when people are looking for ideas that inspire them?

Aren’t you much better off trying to make a statement then to go straight to trying to sell the T-shirt? I have relatively little control over my music any way, it’s not a very safe bet, not a chicken worth counting on hatching, all I’m betting on is my ensured personal motivation to keep pushing. Why would there be any reason to believe cash would be forthcoming, after all these years I’m sure I could quickly discover nothing has changed since last time I was scratching dollars out of the dirt.

It seems to me, money doesn’t matter if you have fans, and fans don’t matter if you have craft, so worry about craft, crafting the content, and take the slow steady rd.

Well it wouldn’t be right and normal if it wasn’t a total meltdown as usual, it’s all part and parcel of the creative process. Artists can be difficult I’m told.

It’s easy to feel that things are just moving to slow, life is slipping away, the vitality, the vigour that drives the creative process, leaking from you. Money is easy, like 1 + 1 + 1, art is a challenge, a skirmish in the streets while the audience looks on, you limp and bleed, you fight on.

I can often be found feeling morose and bereft, but I try not to cause any offence or upset anyone. All improvement is borne of dissatisfaction. But I’ve always made an effort to be tactful, you shouldn’t allow such sentiments to tarnish whatever satisfaction others are able to draw from their circumstances. One holds out hope nonetheless, it’s one thing to have a dream, it’s another to try and take it apart in your head and try to put it back together with the scraps of reality available to you.

And on we go.

Does it disappoint others to hear you say that this isn’t good enough, and I want more, I want my chance? Do you dishonor them with a wish that someday you’ll move on, or are you just lying? Playing make believe in your mind, that one day I’ll be in such company, when many times such situations have only proffered your humiliation and rejection. And again, it is the complexity of such things.

People are flawed and frustrated in themselves in so many ways. Do you so love the dream, you tell yourself, if only, if only, everything is reduced or extrapolated scaled to make the point significant, we struggle endlessly to contain the complexity of which we face.

When you’re spending all your time focused on a pursuit, it can be a little bit jarring when it’s time to move on, it’s always so easy to just keep doing what were doing before. We should be over all that, but I think that’s one thing I can use that links my behaviour to others, it’s just so easy to keep on doing what you were doing before, because it doesn’t challenge you it doesn’t upset you. But I’m constantly challenged and upset by the demands of reality, that’s why I’ve ended up writing this blog possibly more than I actually work on my tunes, because I’ve discovered it’s a long way back to unwind the stress of paying this debt, this demand . . . and feel like the mind is light and ready to respomd to art.

I am quietly confident that I bring a lot of mental discipline, the ability to see songs through more, though I find it harder for now to plug into the vibe there. Where is the inspiration? It’s not surprising that I could be in a strange panic, pounding at the doors of my own creativity spazzing out, hurling threats and demands, it’s pointless, in another world I see how such things have their natural rhythms there’s just no point. You must accept. Slowly I peacefully drift on this knowledge to the creative place, and I’m revising my material.

If I didn’t go back to work, within a few days I would be ready, ready as I wasn’t at christmas because more of everything else is sorted. The song stuff is sorted. This is what I mean, these songs have taken so long to finish, it’s has made me prone to this lunatic despair, but ultimately the songs are much better, they’re the same songs, but every thing rough about them has been slowly meticulously weeded out so they have become relatively slick. I understand that though we’re no state of mind, the engineering has come forward now.

Admittedly I wish those tunes had been out for months and that our new tunes were sounding better than ever now, but it has to be put behind us. I dwell on these things. The frustration of having to work on the same tune for 8 months or more, is ghastly quite frankly, but right now it is the way of things. To have the 13 done and behind me closes that chapter, and I go in on this other bunch of old songs because I’m undaunted, unfazed. I’ll get them done, I’ll let john kill anything he wants in the mix, just get them out the door, so we show that we can roll out the tunage, that’s what it’s all about for me, the next tune.

Slowly I come back. How do I stop my work from ruining my music?

I just need to . . . get back on the vibe. Flowing and being easy with what has to be done, accepting . . . accepting. I don’t accept that this is my last tune, I don’t except that walking forward in beats will be any easier than it has been.

I take this seriously, I need to go in. I do, I am. It gets more obvious, I’m more torn everyday the rift cleaves through this blog, if I wanted status and girls, I wouldn’t be doing drum and bass, I do it to prove something to myself, and it’s hard to guess whether that is for better or worse.

When they lower me into the ground they won’t remember my beats. It belongs to the void, the unknown and the forgotten.

I used to thrive on the idea that I would be a producer and all across auckland they would jam my beats.

I think we need to move on from what we have to buy to what we have to do. Oh you think? What ever shall we do? Might we build that wall between work and art, to stop the insidious usage of work as an excuse to avoid the harder questions? What questions? Harder questions of art.

By chance, I saw a girl sitting where I might not have usually seen such a girl and perhaps she was an angel sent with a message, of a fateful night, that you would rise and make yourself. In an instant I saw the harder truth, that which must be accepted. I must be renewed and made fit in god’s eyes.

The kingdom of heaven awaits, but it might be quite boring.

I lead my donkey through the rocky pass. Salvation is not something you do in your sleep. You cannot grasp more without reaching.

Journeys within are often just as meaningful as journeys outward, the more I write this stupid blog, the more I can make out the cavernous reliefs of the mind fading into the darkness. There’s more. There’s more than just what we see, forces at work barely comprehended. The unknowable.

I wanted to get all business, I wanted to get a lot of things really. I wanted it sorted out. Often intrigue is like hacking a path in the bush, cutting aside the questions that lead to a deeper compulsion within you, the more you slash out, the deeper you’re drawn in down the path, to the questions of why.

If I was a normal lad, I would be dropping the bass on those ladies, you’d claim wealth and women and mastery over art. A good thing, but doesn’t a true renaissance man, a thinker and pursuer of knowledge take repose with his thoughts? Perhaps a cautious suggestion, like we breath, must one thought not follow the other?

Unfortunately such thoughts can often be in great abundance it takes discipline to tame the unruly mob!

You’re disappearing into a staircase into your mind, you are off the planet, you are in the planet, inside the world of yourself. Perhaps you cannot see the world because you will not offer it love, are you screaming for love, to be accepted?

Look I don’t want to be writing this blog forever, I’m gonna ride away okay, in the night places live and moments grow, they’re waiting to be plucked in other lifetimes where they wither and die.

I wanted to be all business about how I could make my writing good enough to be read, but that idea soon went out the window, I’m climbing back into the spaceship of my mind, where is it taking me? Where I want to go.

The day is coming, when all you’re left with is the fact that you wanted to make some real deep drum and bass and you wouldn’t to use video to say something about . . . well there were narratives I wanted to explore, I want to explore the old narratives, but I also have all these new narratives.

We have strained to recognise what the blogging is all about, and if it could brig us any closer to pushing more beats, or simply rolling that camera, I felt my next step would be a diligent approach to keeping batteries charged and memory cards empty, ready to go.

I need to get charged up and ready for my next mission, taking these tunes – Kingsland Dawn, Hang ‘em High, It’s Done, Mojitos – and just getting them done like a robot, just going in and lashing them. Trinity and Secret Place to follow to, that will be my mission before July, while getting some new stuff cooking, I want to have 6 awesome tunes tied up in the bank that no one knows of, and once I’ve got 6 good ones, only releasing the 7th at a time, knowing I’ve got the business, knowing that if an opportunity is showing itself, I can let the 5th and 6th out, it’s really to help me maintain control, to be honest.

I need to feel like I’m on a journey into beats, not being constantly told what I’m doing, and it helps me to feel as if I’m on a treadmill, I’m journeying to a zen place.

The idea behind noob eats new beats was a very stripped back kind of purposefully raw take, just about living and writing beats. Just being and beat writing being a part of that.

I’m slowly shifting into motion on this, I have all these videos but I haven’t quite decided which ones to put up I think the order is Mandroid, outside in, Icebreaker, Solar series, Where’s Baby, Pure Juice and then Juice of Life, because I decided to juice of life on the end because it’s too good, i don’t want it too far back in the deck.

basically soon enough it will be polyps, kings, gonna getcha and so good. I want to do all those videos except for kings, with some girls. That’s where we need to step it up, we’ve got the crazy technique that is cool, now we add some girls in the mix and we make it twice as interesting. Then we start paying for all our $20 edits, and as I say we show we can make a decent clip with some all round cool stuff for under $500 and we can sell it – the service – for a $1000.

I’m not talking business, I’m talking action.

But anyway. My idea for the polyps video is girls in the university, looking like sexy scientists. In the library, and in the foyers, lifts, etc. toilets even, and we’ll have some strange bacteria, microscopes etc. Only because the uni is easy to get around, as I say I just like doing stuff without thinking about it too much, and if the result isn’t the best, well think twice on that consideration next time.

The pure juice video was a little bit busy, we learnt from that for the future.

I’m back working on my ad campaigns but my heart isn’t really in it, okay but now I’ve got head of steam on. I’ve added almost 10 new ads, and that’s the game, adding new groups and new ads every few days, til I’ve just got this mass, tonight I’ve actually been pushing philosophy / existentialist / nihilist / absurdist stuff which I think I will push into it’s own area, because you get what I’m doing here?

I’m tailoring the advertising to the tone of the blog, which is me gabbing on about gods and various metaphysical outlooks, so I go there with it, but I also plan to go somewhere else, to really reach out to video people who are into drum and bass music videos and connect with them. I’m looking to connect, and I will use my adwords to send collaborators directly to a page just for them, but as you can see, working on highly refined campaigns, and in other ways, just throwing stuff out there, banging up 10 ads and going with it.

I just want to know that next year I can spend $50 a week and know 500 people are coming to the site, and I need some sign ups or whatever, just to know 500 people are hearing abut you every week, even though maybe only 10 people sign up, soon enough, you’ll get the critical mass you need. It’s one of those things you have to keep chipping away at.

The site has to look good, the ads have to look good, the songs and the videos, all looking good, sell the thing.

Goddamit does MC Solaar bring lush, underground vibes! Just remembering this album the other night, so full of lushness to chill on. This one was one of the ones I didn’t thrash so much but when I heard that filtered synth it just immediately took me to a seedy vibing spot where the vibe was on.

Seedy and bizarre characters lurking in the shadows, dwelling and communing in unusual manners. Coming and going as is the way of the city all hours of the day and night.

Around and round we go – blogging your way through the theories can be like a maze, hard to map, hard to establish your bearings. Why the hell are we still here, why the hell are you having to read what I write? Do you blog? Do you blog for yourself, your own creative output, or try to build something for fans to enjoy, for your own benefit from their approval?

If we’re gonna be blogging, we better know what it’s about.

Well we keep writing until we make some tunes, we make some video, and we make some progress. All I want to do is my tunes and video, I don’t want to become some blogger, you want snoop on my internal monologue, what’s wrong with you, you sicko?

Can’t you at least make an effort for the lurking judgers? Are we not able to write good? Is it perhaps beyond your capabilities?

See I read back sometimes on my posts, and it always happens, right now, when I write, I feel like I’m having a sad little cry whereby somewhere between neurotic obsession and the abject pathetic I review and reflect on what kind of brittle idea I have to get myself out of this mess.

But when I read the stuff back, I sound like i’m on another level of gurutastic understanding. I’m reading my own stuff, the last few posts, and I’m like, who is this guy? I’m guruing up in the game, and everybody they know it.

I’m sure we could try but it takes too much time, that’s what it is, I don’t want to have an awesome blog, be some blogging dude, I want to keep running my business in a way that allows my music and other creative stuff to flow, for stuff in my life to flow, in fact, it’s actually, I’m making progress regularly now so I feel I need to write more to kind of keep pace, I’m facing stuff, like y’know, STUFF

Trying to keep my material possesions limited to some extent, not wanting to expand my business any more, like how do we even get used to that? Well it’s a knowledge journey, that’s why I’m a junior guru on deck, it’s damn well true. Young guru, baby. Like it’s some a transition going from material work to knowledge work, because in another life, this blog could be like hacking ore out of a dank mine trolleying deposit rich rocks up to the surface where it can be seen in the light.

I found god, apparently I’m not very thorough with basic motor vehicle maintenance, and you should walk forward in love, hatefulness is no good. But what about the mean stuff you say on twitter?

I’m not being hateful. Well maybe a bit, but hatefulness causes you to channel negative emotions to the wrong place and it’s an extremely bad habit.

You can’t be angry because it’s hard work motivating girls to have sex with you, you need to show love for all things. It’s easy get lost, I was talking about transcending identity, but also consciousness of otherness, transcending your identity isn’t about becoming a zombie nun monk, it’s about communing with awareness of all things. Sounds good, where do I get one?

Gods are busting out my mineshaft, but I don’t know anyone around here on a guru tip, I just need to get to the knowledge and I’ll let you know whatever I find, if I can. There’s only one thing for sure and that is the presence you’re in right now, your physical body will decay.

What do you want to do with blogging, connect to the knowledge or connect to the sheep farm, creating your sheep art for all the sheep to get their bleat on to? You don’t have to be for or against society you just have to speak with honesty. That’s art.

I mean is the only use for writing, making it into something for other people to recognise? No it’s not about that, it’s about your own ability to create a more vivid expression that can be recognised in what it captures for people, for it’s audience. It must be prepared, you’ve got to know what you’re doing.

But I don’t know what I’m doing so, so sorry about that, but thank you, and please come again.

If you’re the version of me who can lurch toward women, hammer out beats without distraction and spend money without thought for anything else, well I envy you sir. May your children lay flowers at your pretty grave.

What can I say in my blogs that people recognise, that speaks to them and says something? Don’t we all want to work it all on out before it’s too late, aren’t we all only to aware now the show can’t go on forever? No, because most people want the opposite, they want the calming influence and bonds of the herd, and the serenity of the peaceful lie.

It’s about the nature of your content. It’s about content that appeals, that does a job for people you’re wanting to attract, well I was kind of talking about how to be a good dog and write something worth reading like a top 10 list or something with drum and bass and game of thrones in it or something, but then I starts hissing about sheep and I not being acrimonious toward anybody in particular or anything but the secure mindstate that allows people to be how they are, I don’t blame them, but it’s not for me.

I’m a secret junior guru, and I might make a little badge that says that I’m a young guru.

What are you going to do, are you going reach the people and start a cult? Are you going to preach love?

Maybe, if I feel like it.

Are you going to connect with people on your blog, just ranting on about blogging and gurus and gods and weird stuff, most drum and bass guys will think you’re weird.

Like I care. And zero fucks shall be given. You think I’d be walking around in the mountains with a goat if I could dart and dance endlessly between precocious young thighs? Be careful which gods you serve. How easily those who serve the beast and feed on flesh are enraged.

As I said you can’t survive as a servant to the beast god devouring cocaine and vaginas and chocolate and cheese, do you really think there’s anything in that but despair? I’m not saying it’s not good and that the beast shouldn’t be honoured. You just can’t have deeper experience of life without accepting love.

Are you going to start preaching love? No, I’m a drum and bass DJ, and I also believe in keeping things low key, no need for me to shout anything from the rooftops, I don’t know what I’m talking about half the time anyway. Or I do, I accept duplicity, that’s something else I kind of picked up blogging, the sense that one is always right and always wrong on any position.

I could argue for ever and no one would care. If otherwise, who would care? If I finally start to make staggering steps toward not being a terrible bore with all my metaphysical diarrhea, who would read that and click the advertising and listen to my music?

It sounds crazy but who are they?

They’re frustrated by social economic and political environments. Music and associated lifestyles offer the only respite. What do these people want to know about that I can provide?

You start writing stuff that appeals and you get the links and clicks and the rest, you get ready set go. Have an attitude, pick your target and go after it. Hit it. Use the naive angle. You need a blueprint for content.

Bro, I ask the questions, I just don’t bother editing. Do I need a blueprint for content? Has this blueprint got mountains for me and my goat and/or donkey.

And a cave where I can practice me meditation, not that I do much, or any meditation which makes me a pretty second rate guru, but hey. It’s a new style.

Look I’m going to have to stop you right there because this thread is frayed, I just end up having an argument with myself over trying reach people or forging a path, the whole premise I’m trying to expose right now has become a contradiction.

Rules for writing, rules for life?

1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy
2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
3. Try never get drunk outside yr own house
4. Be in love with yr life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
7. Blow as deep as you want to blow
8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest
12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time
15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
17. Write in recollection and amazement for yourself
18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
19. Accept loss forever
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
22. Dont think of words when you stop but to see picture better
23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
25. Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
29. You’re a Genius all the time
30. Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven

I am an intense history nerd, this timelapse of european history would have been like crack to me when I was a tween.

Shouldn’t I have blog about how I’m so awesome? I could have a blog about how awesome everything is, and how my life is a lot better than yours.

But, well I’m not sure how that solves anything, to be honest. That’s just a fantasy, and we are wary of summoning those or any more demons than that which we already have on our hands. I was only wanting to y’know, I’m just a guy with a business and a DJ and stuff, what would I want to be searching for enlightenment of any description for? I’m not interested in pilgrimages or facing the trials of any gods.

I just wanted to have a blog for SEO, so my music might come up in google, I didn’t want any gods showing up causing a ruckus!

Again last night I spent the whole night blogging, which isn’t as I said, that bad, I could have been getting drunk or playing computer games and watching TV like plenty of other people did, or chasing after a girl who’s only going to get you into more trouble than you need.

Better off blogging huh? But then I wake up and I’m like, what was the point of all that? A whole bunch of just kicking a bunch of thoughts around, trying to walk a donkey up a hill to reach god, not really working out. BLAM! Struck by lightening! BLAM! It’s like some jack and the beanstalk thing, does anyone want to buy my donkey?

Golden goose, I know that story, as well as king midas.

But now again, by the evening I’m here thinking well it ain’t like that. It’s easy to wake up and say hey, nothings changed since yesterday, I need to change up my game, wasting too much time blogging about whether blogging is wasting too much time. But when I get up in the morning I go get breakfast, and then I go to do my work, and then I do so much, I decide I may as well relax and unwind blogging because it helps get my head sorted.

It’s not like I say, wow, I just made all this cash, now I want to go at some other hard tasks, no, I want to chill and blog because it takes less mental energy than music or video. Y’know, I got go work, and then I gotta go work, and throw down a mix for radio or whatever, if I can manage to throw down some blogs that kind of give me a grasp on anything, I’m doing pretty well, but I don’t know if blogging is giving me my ceiling problem.

Or it’s keeping me occupied while I have to do this work, because it’s what I have to do right now. But this can’t be the way it stays, and if blogging can give me the link to where it’s going to be, then it’s better than watching TV or playing games, it keeps the mind working. Knowing that just working endlessly isn’t going to work out, well then, what is?

Blogging is asking the question. The answer is making money is easy, and the more money, the easier it is to justify using your primary energies there. Nothing wrong with that, and it’s not essentially true to say that making money isn’t taking me where I want to go, because it’s better than blogging.

Wait, what?

Of course it is. It’s not as enjoyable or relaxing but it’s more worthwhile, you’re getting the money, which is good because . . . every extra dollar is a dollar I don’t ever have to work for again.

We’re only ever going to do so much work in one lifetime, every time I spend an extra day, or 2 nights working, that’s a night I get back, that’s a week I get back in 10 years time. But more importantly for the short term it’s getting me to a point where I can be serious about downgrading money as a priority, y’know not having to worry about it.

I think by choosing to be patient and think it through, there’s more to be gained than being dramatic and panicking. But panic can shock you back on to the course you want to be on, and maybe we can’t make those steps until BLAM! Struck by lightening! Blam!

My stats are not looking so great across my websites right now but it hasn’t effected my wallet so I can’t really see a big problem, except for the fact that I may have to think about finally trying to write stuff someone would want to read. In fact, it doesn’t matter, but I’m just choosing to be aware that that may come down the line, what I’m saying is what is the point writing rubbishy posts if I am not increasing my reach, remember the whole idea was to have a low key creative outlet that allowed me to build up search rankings and traffic in a brick by brick kind of fashion, but if I have to face the fact that this writing doesn’t achieve that then I may have to review the situation.

Like I keep saying, at least be aware of it so it doesn’t catch you by surprise. Too many dudes playing diablo III, watching crappy TV, whacking off to porn, like they got no brain. And if I want incubate good ideas and no one cares that’s not my problem – if the ideas are good, then they’ll rise up any which way.

It’s not really a pretty sight. I never meant for this to be the way it worked out, I just wanted . . . answers. No one was listening, each step closer to understanding seemed heavier and more subdued.

Man, look I just want to be normal. Like you know I work hard. I just want to enjoy my cash and do some beats. I don’t know why I got into all this, it does do interesting stuff to my brain, but you’d think I’d be more willing to attempt to behave normally, but I just write, I write, and it shows that I obviously am convinced there’s something to be said.

Well if you’re going to die, and you’re not sure what to do in the meantime, why not ask a god?

It’s not as simple as spending the money you make, spawning and then rolling over and rotting, wouldn’t that make life all so simple? And boring?

For many I believe it is simple, and there’s no need to pity them. Reality nags at them but it’s of no matter, adequate substitutes exist for the most part, and where they don’t it’s probably bound to be another everyday tragedy.

I am beginning suspect at this time that the gods have not finished with me, which I suppose was the point of my journey into the high country, and I might do well to consider how things may be more deeply related.

In the void, everything is everything.

In fact I may do better to accept that such things are always more deeply related then we can ever comprehend. But what am I suggesting practically?

I don’t know whether blogging is a good idea, of course I don’t or I wouldn’t be trying to work it out, but this is pegged to concepts that run deeper than what I do in my spare time. Or is it? Isn’t it simply about what you want? You wanted answers, well no one said there was only one. There are always many answers and few who can tell you which ones are right. So why wouldn’t you ask a god? A myth? A force unseen is no less present.

Did we not agree to serve the gods, exasperated and uninspired, did we not agree to serve all of them?

Serve many masters, what when they all call?

The victory of the beast. The love of christ. The mystery of the void. Who do you serve? What kind of riddle is this?

Three gods man! You think that’s going to work, you ever tried having three girlfriends at once? You’re dreaming.

The beast god is a lot of excitement but it’s ultimately meaningless, christ is loving but boring let’s face it, and the void is a vacuum for all practicality. It’s like a god pyramid basically. Like it’s a hierarchy and a distribution. From the moment you wake the beast must be fed.

The beast dominates you but only love, the love and sacrifice of the human god, christ or whoever, can dominate your beastly urges, but it is a path into the ultimate nothingness of the void, where love is engulfed by meaninglessness.

It’s a cool story bro, but I don’t know if it has any value. Well maybe, you live your life as a beast, but love makes you human, controls the beast but beyond humanity is nothing, only nothing can allow you to transcend beyond love to a neutral state of energy. Perhaps in the same you can’t love if you don’t eat, well you can’t really transcend your identity if you’re not experiencing love.

But who ever wanted to transcend identity anyway? Well you have to get over yourself. It’s about acceptance again, I really don’t know why this keeps coming up. Because you can’t move forward without accepting? That a lot of information is known but not understood, it is not accepted.

The will of the beast god, that you must fight, is not accepted. The will of christ form, that you must have love, is not accepted. The will of the void is not known because there is nothing to know. It really doesn’t care, it is simply energy rising and falling like waves on the ocean.

You can’t transcend your identity in the same way you can’t transcend your stomach or your dick. But if you eat and fuck and pay homage to the beast god in such a way, and you experience love and the sacrifice, the commitment of true altruism, you pay tribute to the human god in such a way, and you can transcend.

But what so good about transcending? It’s letting go, it’s forgetting, it’s salvation, washed of the sin and the haunts. Can it ever be so?

It’s honestly so confusing because the possibilities for what is good are so varied, that is your choice in the short time you have.

Do you hold what it is to be you, or do you open all the doors and windows?

Do you accept? It’s hard to accept and let the energy flow if you I clinging on to your identity, it’s your pet and yet you scuttle about it. That is usually why people can’t accept because they are holding onto themselves. And that’s okay. But if you’re hiding out scared from the truth, whatever it may be, and we all are to some extent, we have to ask why. Why can’t we just accept?

Because we want to fight, struggle for ourselves, protect ourselves, and survive? How does falsity protect us? Whether it works is not the point, truth is a hard arrow to stop from penetrating it’s target. And yet dreams, illusions, hopes and fears allow us to go on, sometimes, and especially, when it’s all we have.

A man who is lord of truth is lord of himself and his destiny, a man who is lord of lies is everywhere and nowhere, anything and nothing. Reality and Fantasy have sparred on this blog before, the last thing I need is those two getting involved in this. It just might topple my fancy pyramid, for which I had such high hopes . . .

We were churning it out, barely awake just writing nonsense, calling it philosophy, calling it anything other than desperation.

The story was about how I escaped the concentration camp, did battle with the gods and escaped with my donkey, or we could make it a goat if that works. One minute I’m telling you how I’m on an enlightened path toward becoming a guru, in the next paragraph I’m telling you how i’d like to be as cool as the guys in Huey Lewis and the News.

Do we move forward, or are we taking this struggle deeper – the only certain thing is the clock keeps ticking, and such things are only mysteries to those who know not of them, but enough have lived and died, and that’s no mystery. This guy I was reading about his suggestion was that someone like me, I’ve only got another 10,000 days until I’m old and my health begins to decline irreversibly, and it’s up to me whether I’m using these days, these hours to get any closer to what I want to achieve.

That’s no revelation, in fact it’s the opposite, I was surprised to find out supposedly smart dudes think the same way as I do. The only real thing we’ve got to frame this all in is that whatever concept we’re keeping as the essence of who we are in this form, it’s time is relatively short.

We’ve written enough to know you choose your own path. But we needed to send in our research teams to bring back some data. They came back with Huey Lewis? Is it possible to seek acclaim and go on a path of knowledge? It’s easy to suggest that blogging is going nowhere, but if you had some sunglasses, you’d probably look pretty cool. It comes down to what you ultimately value.

It’s easy to say well you can be cool or you can be smart, that’s the beauty of having choices to make, though it does pay to play on your strengths, that’s why I don’t play basketball. Rather I thought, better to be materially secure with an ongoing income, but I hadn’t really thought much beyond that.

I could be a fairly wealthy multi millionaire if I wanted to, but I came to realise it would mean sacrificing things in my heart which were more important, things that are mainly in songs and movies, but seemed like a nice idea anyway. Nicer than having heaps of money and wondering why neat things like in movies still didn’t happen to me any more. It’s just so damn hard when you’ve spent so long believing that money would fix your problems, and it can’t.

I’ve tried to explain the nuance of that feeling so often here because you really can’t understand how much hope it gives you to believe it’s money holding you back.

It’s just like travel, no matter where you go, there you are.

Maybe that’s why I love to write, but I rather feel that travel is cool I guess if you’re playing a gig – because it’s not where you are, it’s how you see it. How you feel, it’s the quality of experience. Whether you’re poor and here or rich and somewhere else it’s still you. People, I don’t think they can get their heads around that aspect of human nature.

I’m always going to be romantic for a time held in the past, for an adventure more innocent. I’m confused, isn’t the whole tone of my blog confused? I’m just confused by having been a young adult. Running a business that makes good cash is easy, but if you ask me what the hell is going on, I couldn’t tell you, I just make a whole lot of CD’s and DVD’s, and I write this blog, that’s why they put me in the concentration camp, and I got out.

It’s about the next level. It’s about an empty level, I’ve killed all the monsters, but I can’t find the key. The gods were having a scrap and then they got onto me, I just tried to make some tributes and get out off there, and so off I went up the mountain. With a goat or a donkey, it totally adds to the authenticity like I’m a total guru kind of pilgrim dude, and I perhaps wear an interesting hat. And have a walking staff, definitely.

You wouldn’t go searching for god up a mountain without a walking staff.

I am beginning suspect at this time that the gods have not finished with me, which I suppose was the point of my journey into the high country, and I might do well to consider how things may be more deeply related.

I wonder if what I do on the blog, thrashing these ideas out, does it ever find an end, a destination? It would be easy to be concerned but we did learn something from our antagonism towards materialism, and that is that a such a journey can reach a natural end.

What was this end? Acceptance, once again, what is to be wealthy yet troubled, a foolish grasp for control through having power over material domains? In wisdom, one can accept that money can’t solve all your problems, and therefore is not what is to be strived for, when an alternative that is a solution may exist.

So we strive for wisdom, knowledge, awareness, understanding and acceptance. We ask our lord to accept us, in that way accept this life as what it is, we thank you lord for these gifts we are about to receive. We thank you for this gravelly path which I’m on with my donkey. I don’t know where I get this image from, I guess some kind of numbskull ascetic vibe where wondering in the mountains to get closer to god makes sense.

It has a biblical sense of retarded spirituality, but next thing zap! hit by lightening. God doesn’t like us, accept this, ya dicknose.

You don’t have to see an end, a destination, you just have to see one step ahead, one goal in a chain, what can we achieve? Interesting blog? Forget it, I’m not here to please! I’m not here begging for your attention!

We need flow in creation, in reality. It has to get better, we must breakthrough, what are we doing here?

We need to get flow and reach people with something real.

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I really like asap rocky at the moment, “niggers talk shit til the get lockjaw!”

“yeah it must be cos a nigger got cash!”

The testosterone pumps, and the beast god stirs. We want to fight and secure access to females. Conflict is in all things, and that must be accepted.

I always tweet indulgent cryptic crap so I tweeted “African Americans speak of excrement until they contract tetanus” as a Joseph ducreaux meme, (y’know niggers talk shit til the get lockjaw) and then I realised it could sound racist if you didn’t know the context at all, and it was basically awkwardly racial. A couple of times I flushed a bit thinking off how awkward it was.

It wasn’t a big deal, just a bit thoughtless. But I did certainly react, how did that happen? You’re not connecting socially so you’re thowing out thoughtless comments like birdfeed, and you’re paying for your thoughtlessness by realising how awkward your flippant remark was. Because . . .

Well no it’s not because I wanted to be all cryptic about some new hip hop I like. I amuse myself with cryptic messages, I like the fact that maybe only a couple people will even get what I’m on about.

It’s cool to create intrigue, but if you baffle people with subject matter that is loaded then you might turn people off. The fact is if you started tweeting some really real shit you’d pick up some love.

But we accept – I had a natural reaction to an error of judgement. In future I need to be more thoughtful.

But once you know and accept all you probably just no longer exist as a human. So I imagine you wouldn’t need a blog. But my whole life is going to be about something, so you think I will ever get tired of writing? Of course not.

It reminds me of all the record shopping I did once, I always get these flashes of being younger, it was so long ago, I can’t believe how little anything mattered then, nothing important seemed like a big deal, I’d spend hours flipping through the vinyl.

I see young dudes in their 20’s and they think it’s all a big deal, beats, I used to be the same, I thought it was a big deal. Now it’s like man. What am I trying to say? The posing, it’s dumb. Just dumb kids trying to be cool.

Does it mean anything now, all that time spent? It was part of the journey, real journeys take a life time. Movies are only 2 hours. But have I really changed? Don’t I still . . . yeah but I’ve ascended from that. And awareness of my trajectory is making me hungry for progress.

I feel like I’ve defeated all the monsters on this level but I can’t find the key, I keep banging my head against the ceiling.

I’m expecting to level up, but I’m just not going there, I’m walking, up a gravelly mountain track leading my donkey. It’s kind of yeah . . .

What do you mean level up? Well not earning more, but earning the same and working less to do it. Pushing my tunes just that little bit further, getting video to happen. And I think more than anything else it means a review of how we want to move forward socially and with gigs.

It may be too arbitrary to think in such terms, shackled to former materialist goals that had always reasoned the force of cash, flowing and gushing liquid assets would push me along on it’s current, but now I bob about aimlessly, swept about, unable to flow on.

We come to write to really get our hands sunk into knowledge, I blogged on all kinds of stuff related to money and sex earlier on my blog just really pulling apart the concepts. What about fatties? I don’t know what to think.

Turn to christ, turn to the gods, turn to the oneness, do we crave to cruelly punish an unfortunate person?

Walk in the love and acceptance of christ, that this person may have suffered, this person may be in pain, do you think it makes you a better person, closer to christ, to be the judge, to be the cruel enforcer. What is it, does it come from a place of love?

Because if my daughter was overweight goddamn would things get ugly, but that would be out of love, not a sad place from torment hails. You gain nothing by pecking like a vulture over others misfortunes, you are better to walk on in love.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some do gooder. I just don’t think you can gain anything when you are coming from a dark place. In oneness with these fat bastards, I accept their struggle. It’s not the same as me being short, I can handle being short, these people can’t help themselves, they have to scoff down.

Who’s fault is it?

Who cares?

But they get all fat and unhealthy and cost the tax payer.

Well thank god you have your health for there is no richer reward than life.

To me, whinging and whining about people who are weak is for those out slightly less feeble. It’s not about bleeding heart nonsense, oh the humanity, it’s about lifting people up. You lift yourself up and then you lift up others. You don’t buy yourself a $10m boat, you absolute fucking baboon #egalitarian

Okay we have to work practically with the forces at play. Competition can’t be resisted within our paradigm, it has to be shackled and harnessed to power consciousness and empathy.

I’m gaining guru levels bro, hard. Does your guru knowledge bring all the girls to the yard? Not so much.

Take Huey Lewis, his hit, “Happy To Be Stuck With You”. I’m pulling out the rosebud, hard. He gets stranded on a deserted tropical island with a beautiful woman, not even realising there’s a party going on!

They’re all such cool 80’s dudes. I want to be a cool dude. God I feel like I’m 9 again.

Well you can be a cool dude, or you can seek knowledge, or you can try and get your tunes done, this is your choice, the destination is your choice.

I pull apart the concepts on my blog. The choices, the insight. How could it ever end? Only it must.