Video. Video. Video.

The fact that it’s so close yet so far, every week, every weekend, video to be done. Must be done.

Nothing else to be done. Photoshoot o be done. Video and photoshoot.

Then what? That’s the terrifying principal at the centre of this wicked procrastination. I don’t have to do video, or photoshoot because what will I do afterwards?

Am I seriously just going to do videos and write beats to them now? That’s me for the next 5 pr whatever years?

Filming some stuff, making a song, putting it up on youtube?

That’s me?

Is it any wonder I don’t want to do anything.

It’s like ambrozia said to me that day in Brazil cafe: “It’s too easy.”

Pretty much.

Video after video until something gives, we’re going somewhere but where? It’s a journey to the unknown. Scary.

I’m walking down the street and I think I’ve got to want it.

I’ve got to want to tell the world. I’ve got to want to do it. I can do it, now I need to find the place to do it.

I’m sure if I do it, it will grow my business even more. I can have everything I’ve always wanted. So close yet so far.

I’m vain. I care if I look like a dick. I want to make it look good, I want it to be good. It’s safer to sit my nest and horde my cash than it is to be dangerous and make art that nobody cares about.

That’s where as a true artist you have to be bold. I’m shooting up like a cash junkie, satisfied lying in my filth because I’m scared people will say I’m no good. No wait, I WILL be no good.

If I put something shitty up there, then I have to put something good up or I look like a dick.

I want to be involved, I want to participate and do my art, and so I do these dumb videos with some music I made in them, I’ve got to videos before I can go back to doing proper music, I understand that now.

This video thing is serious. I’m worked up about it. I’m in a state. A tizz.

Video.

Auckland’s Most Wanted, Last Transmisson, Home Alone

Kurb and Reality Compound.

What after all of that? It could take months 6, 9, 12 months of video after video, week after week to get critical mass that people start going . . . ohhhhh that guy . . .

I’ll be back on my tunes by then. But something will crack. Then what? I’m an artist. I want to go to cool parties but I don’t really want to be adored, I’m over that celebrity shit, I’m cool if there’s 100 people who think my blog and my videos are awesome and that’s about it. If I can put on a show and have 100 people come, then that’s all good.

If I can charge $500 to a promoter knowing that 100 people will come, then that would be awesome.

If 1000 people joined my newsletter, 1000 crazy post modern existentialist dj marketing dudes, some who bought stuff and I made $100 from that and $100 from ads well then what?

I’d have money to be able to get nicer camera gear and better editing done etc. I’d probably be already marketing it at that stage. Getting people on the newsletter.

Then what? Hopefully get booked to play around more, and do more stuff with new characters. Adventures of the Nice Young Ladies, that way I become the secondary character.

Well what are the limits? What if I get a track signed? Oh well, cool. Collabs would be cool. What if somebody wants to put money into a future project? Cool. I’d try and get as much creative control as possible.

I could be a secondary character in RC and in NYL and develop a feature or tv format. What if I got $100,000 an episode? Well their would need to be hot young kids in the show, I would just have to be the insane catalyst. There’d be NYL and I’m sure I could find new weird kids to be in RC. I could do weird stuff, and I could find proteges also capable of weird stuff. Oh and we could crash parties and have weird celebrity appearances so yeah.

We’d have to get really extras on it. But again we’d have the Kurb TV angle – promoting sponsors and local talent, but in a messed up way, and celebrities and pop culture too. I think we’d have it.

We’d go on tour with some acts and we’d get footage there.

I’m on tour, shooting a mock reality show with muso’s and models and weird kids, getting paid by the gig, paid by the episode, my promo business is going, my agency is going my service points are open . . . living the dream!

Well I don’t know what to make of it all really, what was on my shopping list again?

Now

LED light
Mics
Sofa bed
Iphone
Mastering Kitty
Website Kitty

Later:

Audi
Rolex

It’s not really much is it? I sensed this coming, reaching a point where money seems a bit redundant because I’m not sure what to do with it.

Most of things I want now don’t involve money, except unfortunately I just stuck in the mindset. The rewards centre in my brain responds to money and I like it. If I’m making money, I feel good. If I’m partying and chasing girls and making a new track or doing something new for the record like a video . . . I just cling to money as a way to justify and count everything. It’s so deeply rooted.

So what’s the plan? I guess if I can work out everything I need, then I’ll know how much money I need and then I can take it from there.

Where do I take it? Well then I need less money, and I need to worry less if I’m not making money. Do something else.

This is why I’m happy to lie to myself about how much I have because I hope it will make me relax about it.

Just money, sheesh. At least I got one thing right.

video marketing

video production

I’ve got a number of ideas for kurb ads

There’s the Lil Titty ad
Then an expanded set with other artists ft. Big Dog
The Jumjar refugee ad
Big Dog ad
Dead Purple Cat
Lil Titty ad so underground nobody knows

Feeling stressed, tired, run down, mentally unstable, unable to function, suicidal, unable to resist the urge to simply start banging your head against a hard object until the painful pain of bitter life releases its ugly and unforgiving hold on you?

Did you know there’s now new Kurb with wings for your heaviest days? Also available in hot and spicy

Working on a bass heavy tune for RCTV#2

Now apparently as we go into the voiceover we go into some 4th wall action where the voiceover converses with kurb business Matt and reveals himself to be me sitting in the studio talking again with shane off camera about the role of music in rctv and disparagingly talking about including his poetry in the RCTV#2 comeback special bass heavy tune, and then getting all 4th wall again and describe what appears on camera before leading up to the cut to the mall where I’m a pirate. Might even have an ad for singers, guitarists, possibly models.

The beat drops to me approaching kids being a pirate but gets progressively more breakdance until I’m fully breaking and rapping in the mall. Then we may segue into night and have some more poetry until it gets to a point where I’m drunk in town and being in town up to no good with shane, that’s where I go into my volita rant -

Starting from feeling sorry for myself, working as a pirate for money now, then going on about the good times, myspace, touring, and we can finish off with a chorus of “just a DJ”

Then do a slick Romantech sign out – “yo yo yo this DJ Romantech high and on the fly, and you have been checking out #RCTV2 – don’t call it a come back, just a pathetic attempt to revive former glory . . . so you sit tight and listen to the old romantech when he tell you to tune again next time for the continuing adventures of . . . reality . . . compound!”

Did video today. Remembered video is hard.

Got up, had my coffee, felt kind of lonely, but that it was time to get on with it.

What else are you going to do?

I know what I have to do, I come on this blog every day simply to drum it into my head.

That was my lesson for the year, just get stuff on the list done, then worry about what happens next, because you never really know until you get there.

I went out and saw some girls. Remembered girls are hard. It’s easy to look and figure how come those things don’t just land in your lap, but that’s life.

What’s annoying is balance, you get one part of your life sorted and the rest is like a wasteland.

But video is hard, maybe deep down thats what I know, I can’t pretend this will be easy.

So I muck around because sub consciously a know this will take forever.

I’m now wise to it though, that reality has surfaced, I’m not just going to throw this video stuff together.

I gotta get through my schedule and see where I end up.

All the videos I am planning I want to do are:

- Replacement Kurb videos

- Romantech concept videos: last transmission, aucklands most wanted and home alone,

- Romantech Haunted Microscope

- RCTV #2- kurb and pirates

- kurb ad ft lil titty, etc – “Reality Kurbpound: RC Kurb Ad #1″

- pirate matty

- kurb ad featuring jumjar the refugee marketer “Reality Kurbpound: RC Kurb Ad #2″

Then probably RCTV #3 which will have a girlfriend theme

RCTV #4 the secret of the tiger penis, includes flashbacks and more myspace narrative

i guess #3 and #4 are interchangeable so I’ll work on those 2 together to drop perhaps in august?

so that’s all of july and august to do everything else? Just 15 videos. like, 2 a week. done 1 this week!

But I don’t really have anything to promote with my uh well with this site. I might cut the videos, and then work on where to go, without putting them up yet.

That’s how you plan it out and go at it like that.

Maybe try and get my blog a bit better before getting attention on youtube saying come to my site.

Because well, y’know, I’m doing videos for stuff I don’t really want to make money from. I’m happy with what I make in Music Marketing.

I do want to make more money from cd dvd duplication and printing and postering, or well really maintain where I’m at because that’s fine.

Pirate party stuff, well yes I would like more of that.

Small business marketing and youtube promotion well, I don’t see myself heading into big moneymaking territory there so I don’t really see the point in making a big effort there either, at least not right now.

So I’ll have done the money videos soon. And from there I do maximizing explosions, the intro chapter of rctv #2

So from last night, what am I going to do with my art that can make money

get them on the list and sell them stuff, or get some kind of sponsorship, or gigs.

what’s the chance of getting 1000 fans and getting $10 out of them each year?

what’s the chance of a $10,000 sponsorship deal?

what’s the chance of getting $500 a gig and doing 20 gigs a year?

How long will any of that take? Gigs seem like the best shot.

Or maybe a little bit of this and a little bit of that. A little bit of tiger penis lets not forget!

Want the best deal and service on Auckland DVD Duplication

The amount of blog posts I’m putting out right now is doing nothing for this blog, and it’s a real bummer, I guess the Romantech site doesn’t seem to be about anything.

I got plenty of other sites that do well, but not this one, because it’s not really about anything.

Oh man I am cracking it in business right now, though, just to let people who might possibly follow the timeline know that the tone may change around here now that I’m getting my earn on again.

But it actually doesn’t change my artistic situation as much as it manages to sedate my general disposition, so really, I’ve got to push on with where it’s really at, the artistic activities. I’m preparing a major video assault, first getting into business videos, then some romantech videos, and then bunching the romantech videos into reality compound TV #2 and then dropping episode #3 the official comeback, featuring my kurb video style mutating into RC.

I also could do something with whatever old footage is available – first a teaser, such as the “short circuit diaries #1″ which could accompany the new “romantech diaries”. The full short circuit should be available on the reconditioned “get real” cd-rom. But then coming up to the tiger penis episode, or it’s own episode, I could explore the myspace tiger penis connections as a kind of flashback episode.

Actually I could really Lost on it and milk the flashbacks, hard. Learn to use narrative and visual suggestion, photos in a documentary style to tell the stories.

The first episode will foreshadow this, this shows how the reality of the show now is rooted in a series of episodes that have occured before the current setting.

So I’ve got to lay some creative foundation here for the new video. No matter how I ooze back into it, the main episode to jump start the new timeline is the maximizing explosions concept.

- I’m starting off talking about business, maximizing explosions, I might even use the hard hat.

- then music will fade in, I think it must be my first indie dubstep banger, and the kurb talking will fade out, eventually replaced by my voiceover.

Well What can sayI got sick of the myspace buzz. I woke up and realised I wasn’t a celebrity, I wasn’t cool, I didn’t matter . . .

Is that what I wanted to be remembered for?

But on Myspace, I was someone.

but I was alive because I was there, I was young and I knew one day it would be over, your song would be sung and it would be time to get off the stage, but I don’t wanna get off the stage, I never had my chance . . .

I thought money would fix me, that I could buy my way to heaven, and maybe I’m stupid enough to believe I still can, wouldn’t that be the easy way out?

Or maybe I still believe that there is only one story . . . and that is the story of a guy, and what he saw . . . goddamit I don’t know anything, It wasn’t much but I can only tell you what I saw.

And what I saw was it was just right there, it was just beyond my reach, it could be sweet, I could be one of them, I could be somebody, I didn’t want to have to get old, I didn’t want to be forgotten, there was still time . . .

then the business thing fades back and  break character, shane is of screen bringing up rc etc and i’m trying to avoid it and keep going on about business in an uptight way.

then it cuts straight to pirates

I need to bring out the way it was more, and the transformation.

Then finally the resolution, I don’t know about it, what suits the narrative, that I felt it was all there for me but . . .

Pirates

How did it come to this?

Then I’m doing my pirate thing, maybe with shane filming, out lynmall, montage, sunset/dusk, “do you remember that time on tour” “yeah. lets not talk about it”.

segue to night. Talking to girls

“Yes I’m a pirate do you want to be my wench. We’re making a video for youtube.”

“How did it come to this? I’m dressed as a pirate, I’m in downtown auckland, and I don’t have a hope in hell.”

“Do you remember that time on tour, that . . . ”

That’s when I gush forward drunkenly about Volita.

“Why didn’t she want me?”

culminating in the loser DJ rant, then flipping to a big musical drop where it rides out, me stumbling about town, dancing, falling over, passing out.

FIN

I think I should do kurb artists as an episode, and of course Lord Jonathan the 17th century internet marketer.

And super lover man. Where is the baby. Where’s my baby?

MORE LOST TWEETS

I’m reinventing myself as a young businessman who can’t leave behind the myspace’n bass lifestyle of the heady 00’s #ohwait #reaffirmation

have your fun, have your kids, have your regrets, have your funeral . . . hey, don’t let me hold you up

Heading to a strategy meeting in my garden to consult plant community on growth implementation #imimportant #noiam #quitecontrary

I’m a sucker for a pretty face. Thats why I don’t know any pretty girls.

I just know their numbers. haha

its like this, once you’ve got some money, you can make more. Once you’ve got one girl . . . well, after that you’re just looking for trouble

They say “More money, more problems” but when it comes to girls, it just takes the one and you already there

I always tell people I’m in internet marketing, if I wasn’t good at that I wouldn’t be doing much else.

When the common person comes across my thing, they probably just see a random video, they don’t understand anything about the show, they just like it, somebodies told them about it or they were in it.

I want there to be a real narrative though because that’s what will connect people to it, that they start to get the story, then they want to see from the beginning.

And they see how lo-fi my stuff is they see the Steve video, and all I have to do is better than that, so they see a journey from where I am now to hopefully a more prolific future where I drop new videos every week.

I’m hoping once I’ve done some kurb videos I will be comfortable behind the camera again and keen to climb the ladder and do something more challenging.

Also, I have to recognise that it’s the space that’s allowing me to get into all this stuff. If I didn’t have the space, I wouldn’t have realised how little footage I actually have to use for my backstory stuff.

It’s okay to chill for now while I get ready to move forward with new levels of sustained energy. Recognising there’s a problem there is part of providing the solution and the way forward.

I’m best to do all my kurb and romantech stuff first, building up to it. My pirate stuff, because the pirate is another good angle to come in on.

Of course part of that narrative I’m drawing from there to here to beyond, is that I once was a ratty drum and bass DJ, and I got on myspace and became some fake kind of internet trainwreck parody, and then I got into business, and there’s as much to work with in my poor, obscure, yet meaningful past to the future where I work with insane artists on insane projects and my desperation is all the more amplified.

And in that, maybe it puts into relief a simpler time when I was just a loser DJ, just a loser drug dealer, just some loser wannabe on myspace.

I will build a Romantech archive, and I will do my best to recover the lost reality compound files

I just hope I have enough tatters to string a flimsy story together that will get this damn thing off the ground.

Just been having a bit of a funny old freak out over potentially lost Reality Compound and Short Circuit material.

There were a lot of problems along the road with losing footage, tapes going missing, computers, hard drives stolen, negligence, whatever . . . so what I have left is very skant as it is.

It really wasn’t that much of a big deal I guess but when someone remarks or reacts to my video stuff, I kind of respond by feeling a sense of wasted opportunity, which is not really something I can hang onto if I want to move forward, because I want to go to a bigger place, step up to a new level with it now, and I can’t be getting all excited just because somebody said they liked my video.

Creatively I have to push on, and push through.

But I have to be coming from somewhere too, I can’t just pop up out of nowhere at this stage without any evidence of the journey that brought me to this place I’m at now, because everything that happened with Romantech and Reality Compound and Myspace is all part of the story.

It’s not about reaching back to the past – but it’s about a series, a continuum, a story that has depth and background.

But when it comes to putting together the pieces of the puzzle, it gets me concerned creatively, how am I going to bring this together?

How am I going to communicate that important precursor, prestory, preface . . . this is like the Hobbit to the Lord of the Rings, I’ve got to be able to paint a picture of how it was and what happened before.

All the old vibes are dead aside from me still walking around carrying them with me, all that stuff happened years ago, but I wanted that to be part of the story, that I left Reality Compound behind to be the Kurb business guy, but still the vibe calls me back, and tells me there’s no point in being some rich guy and just letting go of everything that was once important.

And all those old storylines are waiting to be rediscovered, except, no one will remember, no one will care anymore, so that’s why I need as much evidence from the past as possible, to paint out that side of the story.

I mean the whole idea about Reality Compound is a story that is happening, that is unfolding – but I want that rich past to help me to define that. I guess that’s just part of the creative challenge, and it’s nowhere near as challenging as what I have to do now to bring myself back to the level I once was and then go beyond it so that people might care where it all came from.

I guess that’s the way I have to face it and deal with it, if there’s nothing to tell the story for me, I have to tell it – I have to bring it to life, documentary style, or kind of like a Lost thing where you see glimpses of the past that fill in certain narrative themes for the audience.

It’s not about what happened in the past – I mean there’s some really interesting stuff there about how I arrived at where I am now, but it’s what happens next, about my rediscovery of my purpose there, that is the story I’m now telling.

But in the story it is very much about relating to the past, but at the same time there’s no reason we can’t have new adventures, while introducing old characters, it’s very much about the tone of the narrative.

I guess even if I am freaked out that I have lost even more of the past, so it creates the incentive to recreate it to bring my story forward again.

Remember that even the original Reality Compound had a back story, which was loosely based on reality.

And now the new Reality Compound has a back story too.

But I guess whatever happens, in whatever ways I fail – including if I fail to bring “the way it was” to life – Reality Compound is the story of the little guy who wants to be a big deal, and we’ve all been growing up hanging onto these dreams, failure and humiliation, and then the redemption and resolution that follows is all part of the story.

If I fail to present the backstory then that’s just another failure, but a failure to embrace – as part of the new story, whatever the new story will be, because that’s what I have to worry about first.

“And in the meantime we try . . . try to forget that nothing lasts forever . . .

funny how it all falls away . . .”

What’s going on?

I create a character, and it becomes a mask with which I face my own fears.

I walk 2 steps ahead of myself.

The character must face the beauty as well as the tragedy in the ceaseless quest to achieve some kind of adulation, or at least respect.

I think rather than promoting the general, cheesy iteration of this outcome, the truth must be driven home, you’re only young once, and the dreams die, almost like youth is an extention of childhood, of dreams and fantasies.

The character can only resolve in discovering there is also something beautiful and simple that lies beneath, so subtle and hard to see, but to challenge general cheesy, you must ask what of the alternative?

I see my character catching up with old friends demanding to know where the moments have gone, that he was supposed to be the underdog, none of you would have seen it coming . . .

my face in a magazine. In Pavement, my song in the student top 10, the underground top 10 . . .

People would feel the raw creative energy in my presence. I’d be cool.

Then not wanting to waste time, I’d be working on my music, and then as the beats ran on, running through the streets screaming at a faceless Auckland, demanding to know why Auckland couldn’t do it, couldn’t save me, when I gave it everything.

I just wanted to be somebody.

. . . yeah I guess it’s about projecting the character as much as the music, and only playing it up to the point I have to, and hopefully, fans can see a little journey or a story . . . when and if things pick up, obsessives can trace the journey back to when I was doing crazy stuff like I just described, but see that my character evolves in some ways, but not so much in others . . .

I’m starting to realise now I just have to be patient and work through this stuff . . . get on top of my tasks and then begin, I’ll get there I just need to push through to make sure my business is not going to be interrupting once I get my flow and can start filming everyday.

this is a post about how I give up blogging for the video life.

Goodbye blog. hahaha.

Testing

Date is June, 2010

This is a test transmission from Romantech, location, the city of Auckland situated in the North Island of the New Zealand group, a nation located in the South pacific ocean in the southern hemisphere of planet Earth.

We are testing this frequency for further broadcast use, we’ve been positioned here for some time, we’ve been in contact and interacted with the local people, we have found some quality of merit, but on the whole we need to do more work, to secure the outcomes of our post here.

We’ve set up this compact disc jockey unit here, we’ve been making use of internet technology also in order to advance our communications, while here using these computational devices we’re actually able to produce deep vibes, and then we’re able to transmit and deliver these communications to populations throughout the global region of the Earth planet.

we’ve created a base location on and which can be accessed from multiple locations through the internet channels at www.romantech.co.nz we’re we’ll be making all the data we record available, you can sign up there for our updates provided through a personal email channel, there’s the reports available to those wanting to access the research we’ve carried out, otherwise we will be continuing to evaluate this transmission medium as suitable to our outcomes.

If our purpose here is compromised and the posting is terminated, our message is simply to not let yourself be chained to some concept of how you are supposed to be or feel.

This is Romantech June 2010m the time is 0231 hours, transmission terminated

I am going to try to do this soliloquy for youtube it’s really just a training exercise to flex to. Reckon I can do it?

To be or not to be– that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep
No more – and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to – ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.—Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered . . .